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The Wife Led Marriage
Cover Illustration Copyright © 2019 by London Storm
Cover design by London Storm
Cover photograph by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash
Introduction
As men we have this interesting mix of desires in juxtaposition with cultural influences of what a man should be and how a marriage should operate. My own view has been altered quite a bit on what a marriage can be versus what society says it should be, namely, having my wife lead the marriage. These alterations are more in line with my thoughts, feelings and desires in what I want from a marriage and support my strong desire to serve my wife. I find that these alterations when implemented in a loving manner create happiness for both partners and offer opportunities for us to expand our relationship to greater heights. This expansion covers all phases of the marriage, including intimacy, communication, self-care, home care, parenting, etc.
The reason I wrote this the guide is that I cannot speak for women. They are different than men. I can only speak for me and my experience in creating a wife led marriage in my own life. I also realize that I am not alone, a lot of men like me have submissive tendencies and the desire to serve their wives. My goal is that this guide will aide you in your journey towards what you want to create in your own relationship.
My research on this topic has been based on absorbing other books, blogs, podcasts on the subject of female led relationships as well as my own personal discoveries about myself in confronting my desires to serve my wife. This book offers a different voice and one that digs a little deeper into the mental framework one must adopt in a wife led marriage. As a mental toughness consultant and leadership trainer, I have studied extensively the process of changing one’s behavior. This book touches upon the mental awareness that can be part of making a change to one’s marital relationship.
This book is intended as a supplemental guide for marital work based on the author’s own experiences specific to a wife led marriage. This book makes no guarantees whether this will work for you and your situation. Any marital or relationship therapy needed should be sought by a certified practitioner.
With all that being said, I hope you enjoy The Wife Led Marriage and find it useful in your own journey. Best of luck.
Chapter 1 The Wife Led Marriage
For most of us, the concept of a wife led marriage seems backwards and maybe even taboo. Where does that come from? It comes from our culture and the environment we were raised in. We have been influenced by our environment from an early age and these impressions good, bad or indifferent, shape the person we are. Our beliefs are shaped by our environment.
The typical marriage in the western world uses a patriarchal architype. The man is the head of the household. It’s the old hunter/gatherer scenario. The men go out and do the hunting and the women tend to the children and the home. This has been the framework for a long time. In the 1960’s, women's rights made leaps and bounds. The women's movement stirred things up and allowed women to break out of the home. However, things move slow when it comes to culture.
Women have freed themselves from having to be a housewife; they can go out and earn a living like men. The reality is that even today as we enter the 2020’s, women do not have equal pay, and are still considered the ones to take care of the home and children. On top of this, they are to be the obedient wife and serve their husband.
What if… it didn’t have to be this way? What if women were empowered by their husbands? How might that positively affect their marriage, their happiness as a couple? As you study this, it becomes clear that husbands hold the key to empowering their wives. Who else can do it? Society moves at a slow pace; businesses will continue to under pay women. What becomes the norm, stays the norm for a longtime. However, what happens in the sanctity of one’s home is no one else’s business. Thus, the husband in the home is free to empower his wife.
Remember this is a two-way street. It takes two to make it work. As simplistic as some of this may sound, these ideas can be complicated to implement. We are talking about marriage, cultural norms, empowerment; these all have many layers to them. Making the transformation may be well worth it, however, it’s not a straight path. Scientist have found no straight lines in the universe, adding a wife led marriage will have no straight lines to follow. That is the universe we live in; we zig and zag to get where we are going.
The lines of a wife led marriage can be blurry. What does that mean? Again, this is not the norm. Anytime you are going against the grain, and you are doing something different, no clear path may exists. Possibly too, no clear definition of what you are doing exists.
Part of the challenge with creating a wife led marriage as a man, is all the cultural and psychological boundaries you may need to cross to get there. A wife led marriage is not a topic most people know about. You are going out on a ledge. And that is where your growth lies. A wife led marriage is fun, creative, exciting, scary and many more things. It is up to you and your better half to create it together.
This is part of the fun too, you have to get off your butt and do your part to create this. It will take desire, courage, vulnerability, trust, communications, patience and action to put this process in motion.
As always, it comes down to fundamentals. How good is your communication? How strong is your relationship? How supportive are you already? This is your reality check, if you are doing great on the fundamentals then you have a solid foundation to work upon. The wife led marriage is a noble pursuit and provides an opportunity to make your relationship better on many levels.
Chapter 2 Desire To Serve
Where is this desire for a wife led marriage coming from? It is worth the exploration. Let’s take the wife led marriage and drop it down to the base level which is a female led relationship. A female led relationship is a relationship in which the female has the authority and leads the relationship. This is also called FLR for short. FLR is becoming a trend that more couples are trying out. The trick with this work is that is intermixed with culture and sex. Yes, sex! We are talking about dominant and submissive sides to the equation. FLR covers a wide spectrum. On one side, the male is empowering the woman and serving her lovingly, hence called a loving FLR, and the other side is where the woman completely controls the man and all aspects of his life, known as Femdom. And then we have everything in between.
This book, is based on the light side of the spectrum, empowering your wife and serving her in a loving, supporting way. Think of a knight serving his queen on this side while the other side is a slave serving a master. Whatever you want from this is up to you. Be free, explore, however, use caution and sound judgement as always.
This book is in reference to married couples learning how to empower each other. It is a two-way street of empowerment. The husband empowers the wife to lead and the wife empowers the husband to serve. The “how” they do it is up to them. As a married couple, I refer to a man and woman who are in a faithful loving relationship. That does not mean to exclude single sex marriages. For this book, the discussion will talk about the male/female dynamic and how it plays out in a marriage. For anyone in a single sex marriage, take what you can from this book and have fun with it. Empowerment is a good thing. And the leader/supporter roles will become clear in whatever dynamics you have in a single sex marriage.
Let’s define Empower. It means: to give power or authority to; authorize; to promote the self-actualization or influence of. In a wife led marriage, the husband is submitting and surrendering to his wife's authority in the marriage.
This may be a quantum leap for some couples. As men, we are programmed to appear powerful, and as women they may feel programmed to be subservient. A lot is going on in the background of our minds. Can you see how this can be a lot to comprehend