I would have to drive her to her flat.
We never mentioned the incident but there was some awkwardness the next time we met. I never knew what she actually remembered of it. The thing is, I could have taken her up on it if she had not been so drunk and the bar had been less crowded with its leering patrons eager for amusement or novelty. The secret admission that I had always found her attractive only made me less sure of myself whenever I was in her company.
So here we were again, in this dark den of idle philosophers.
“You have been hiding,” she now said. “But it’s understandable. I wanted to attend the funeral. But the stupid editor wanted me to go interview some foreign woman who claims she has a cure for all of Africa’s problems.”
She sipped her bottled water. I didn’t ask about this unexpected abstinence. Someone once told me that you don’t make someone who’s trying to moderate their drinking feel self-conscious by remarking about it. Ironically, I was acutely aware of my own light beer and could hardly bring myself to touch it, much less drink it.
Like most people who have recently given up a long-time habit, she was irritable and prone to find fault with everyone and everything. I know this as I also have to watch myself.
“It was good of you to think of attending, but I still can’t talk about it.”
“Why talk about it at all?” she asked testily. “Too many people are talking endlessly about their troubles as it is, and you are not that type. It’s the TV that does it. The public self-exposure you see every time you turn it on. Now, as usual, our people want to join in. Sorry. That’s insensitive but I’m not handling my not drinking very well. And as a reporter I shouldn’t complain. It fills my columns.”
I did not point out that she had brought it up in the first place.
“You know, I agree with you on all points except your apology. It’s not necessary. You make me feel like I’m not a freak for not going around tearing my clothes in public.”
I got a smile from her but her hands were still moving restlessly, smoothing and then crumpling the stained red plastic tablecloth.
“Good. I knew you were not the type. Now, why are we here, since it’s not for sympathy?”
“Your paper carried big coverage on that unfinished mall outside Katlehong last year. I –”
“It was never finished because some people took the money and ran away with it,” she interrupted.
“Any idea who these people are?”
“There are plenty of suspects to choose from, according to the journalists who covered it. Too many, in fact; you could spend your entire career on this one story. So they dropped it.”
We were silent for a while as she rummaged in her extra-large shoulder bag looking for God knows what. A cigarette, maybe, but I had never seen her smoke; chewing gum; an emergency whisky flask?
“What did you say?” she asked with a frown as she surfaced empty-handed.
I had said nothing but I spoke up. “What happened, then, to all these suspects?”
“Apparently nothing; I don’t know all the naughty details. But why are you interested in this long-buried story? I am sure there are many new crooks all over the city you should be looking into . . . But wait a minute, just wait a minute.” Her hands were suddenly very still, her eyes brighter and a real smile played along her perfect lips. She was coming back to life, to being the shrewd and sharp Tolo I had first met five years earlier before her devastating divorce forced her to take refuge in countless bottles and beds.
I waited.
“Of course. Sandile Nkosi. The father of the teenage boy who . . .” She left it there. “He was one of the main people in the whole thing. But though his name was on everyone’s lips, his signature was on nothing. Not even on the consortium’s toilet paper.” She shook her head at me. “Should you be doing this, Thabang? These guys are not cheap crooks, the way I hear. They think they are the local Mafia. And you know what people who have watched too many American gangster films are like. They are not really sane, some of them.”
“You don’t know what I’m looking for yet.”
“I know you are looking for some kind of revenge. But it was not the father who was driving that car. It was the son, the dead son. Why don’t you leave it at that?”
“This is not about that. That is a coincidence.”
“When I have a hangover it is not coincidental that I drank heavily the previous night. So take your coincidences and shove them up your wrinkled –” She stopped suddenly, her eyes left mine and travelled across the bar as if she was surprised to find herself in this dim, dreary place. She then fixed them on the ceiling and sat perfectly still. The way she used to sit when some idea was taking shape inside her head. That was before she began to hate thinking too deeply about things.
“I’ve been slacking off for some time now, coasting on my reputation of now-forgotten exclusives. If I don’t watch out, I’ll be out on the street without a job very soon . . . Well, if I gotta go, I might as well go out with one last big splash.” She shrugged and laughed almost ruefully.
“Tolo, Tolo, what are you saying? We don’t work this way, we help each other out but we stay in our own parts of the garden. You are a good journalist, so stay there and do what you do best.”
“And that is what? Writing crap no right-thinking person reads or believes? Interviewing charlatans every day and trying to present them as sages?”
“We all have to do a lot of things we dislike in our jobs so that –”
“Stop right there, teacher. Why are you not in the classroom, then? Why are you here with me in this bar talking about thieves instead of mathematics?”
Oh my fathers, why did I ever tell her that I had once been a teacher?
“If I stay in my garden, I want to have a say in what is planted there. Otherwise I’m gone too. And this is my last story.”
“This could be dangerous,” I said, already knowing the futility of my protest. Tolo had been slowly edging to this point for some time now.
“That’s the trouble with everyone in this country – we are daydreamers, we’ve been too lucky and we think that’s the natural order of things. Most of human history proves that to be a fallacy. Most of the things we think are new, special and unique about this country are in fact not! And –”
“Tolo, don’t start on history.”
“That’s another thing – nobody knows any history in this country, that’s why we are always in one mess after another. No one sees anything coming. Like my editor. He is always shocked and surprised, or so he claims. Now, if it was me –”
“Tolo, Tolo . . . if it was up to you, we’d have the whole city rioting and in flames before sunset.”
“Right, that’s why we news people kick the dust all over the place, clouding a lot of issues and confusing or downplaying them so that nice, ordinary people like you can go on living and not lose heart completely.” She laughed. “But I hear you – we’ve got to have a plan.”
“Don’t laugh. Once something like this starts you never know where it will end. It develops and mutates and gains momentum and the original cause is forgotten, and everyone gets burnt, including you, my nice, ordinary scribbler.”
“Momentum . . . acceleration . . . deceleration, what else is there?”
“The Black Hole.”
“Don’t talk to me about holes, black or white!”
“Tolo!”
“Thabang!”
Heads turned on rusty neck hinges to peer with reddened, wary eyes through the gloom and cigarette smoke.
I