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Contents/Inhoud
High Heels
Angel Food
Screw
Exotic
Church
Friedland
Allergy
Penny in the Pudding
Clementine
Too Big
A Great Building
Miracles
Microwave
Nicky
Lou
Fluit
Sneeu
Vrugtekoek
Ballon
Hangman
Du Preez
Spoeg
Tafels
Onder die kas
My ma se niggie
Persepsie
Pastei
Mejuffrou
Slap kar
Hout en vis
Bel
Voëltjie
Hoes
Groot poeding
Venesië
Klein dingetjies
Bekruip
Kol
Plonks!
Bylas
Geen skottelgoed
Miskyk en uitlos
Kabelkar
Kadet
Mercia
Eloise
High Heels
I was fifteen years old when I received the first evidence of another world, a world completely different from the one I was living in. That year at school I sat next to a girl called Helette Kniesel. She had long white hair and a fully developed bosom and was obsessed with the meaning of words.
One day in class she put up her hand and asked the teacher what the meaning of ‘parent’ was.
A parent is a person who takes care of you and shows you how the world works, said the teacher.
What if that person does not know how it works? asked Helette.
That person gave birth to you and is a figure of authority, said the teacher.
Rabbits give birth, said Helette, Are they figures of authority?
Yes, said the teacher, In the rabbit world.
The next day Helette put up her hand again.
What is a Spanish dancer? she asked.
What is wrong with you? said the teacher.
A Spanish dancer, said Helette, Is it a Spanish person who dances or a person who does Spanish dancing?
Both, said the teacher.
Does that mean two different things can be the same? asked Helette.
Sometimes, said the teacher.
Helette looked at me.
Last weekend we went to see the Spanish dancing, she whispered, Victoria Daniels who is repeating standard nine because of the baby, she has a brother who dances with them. He was born here but he is a Spanish dancer.
What do they do? I whispered.
The women have skirts and shawls, whispered Helette, They look really angry and hit the floor with their heels like those machines that flatten the road. I don’t like them. But the men are fantastic. They wear eyeliner and tight, tight, tight pants and very high heels.
Suddenly my mouth was dry.
They wear what? I whispered.
High heels, whispered Helette.
Everything around me started changing. At first I thought the sun was rising for a second time but then I looked up and saw a light bulb had appeared above my head.
My father thought it was disgusting, whispered Helette, My mother said maybe the men’s clothes got lost with all the travelling, but I thought they all looked pretty and normal.
Then she put up her hand and asked the teacher what the meaning of ‘normal’ was.
When something is normal, it is how it should be, said the teacher, It does not upset or scare or confuse us.
Helette put up her hand again.
Nobody’s upset or scared or confused when Reverend Stephens and Jonathan’s mother make the combi rock after choir practice, she said, Or when Gerry Polson throws up because his father makes him shoot animals on their holiday or when Mrs Redelinghuys buys cat food for her husband because he can’t see or when Mr Neethling’s shoes are wet because the sherry drips from the drawer in his desk. Does that mean it’s normal?
The teacher said nothing. She just looked really tired and sent Helette to the principal, who was Mr Neethling.
I woke up in the middle of the night because my room was so bright. I looked up and saw that the light bulb was still there.
It stayed there until I was old enough to leave the house and go look for the other world. A few times I have found it, more often I have lost it. It is hard when those around you can’t decide what’s normal and what is not. But I will always know there’s another world, a new and better one. And I will always be happy and excited because I will always be in tight, tight, tight pants and very high heels.
(from the Aula Concert, 2008)
Angel Food
When I was fifteen and a half years old my parents called me into their bedroom. They were sitting on the bed, looking really uncomfortable.
My mother said they were very happy that I did not have acne or mood swings like other teenagers.
Yes, said my father, that was true, but they did notice that I sometimes had small attacks of strangeness and creativity.
My mother said there were children at school who were a little bit upset by the fact that I sometimes accessorised my school uniform with jewellery and pieces of embroidered cloth.
My father said Mr Brynardt, the geography teacher, had phoned and said he too had experienced surges of creativity as a teenager and knew how it felt. If ignored it could lead to a lifelong feeling of loneliness and excessive use of hair gel or perfumed products.
My mother said Mr Brynardt had suggested that I find an outlet for my waves of inspiration. He had said that if I regularly came into contact with things like glitter, glass pebbles and crinkled paper my urges could be controlled. My mother said she had phoned Eileen Boon and asked if I could help with the decorations for her wedding.
One week later I went to the Boons’ house to find out what my duties would be. Eileen said the theme of the wedding was fresh air and everything was going to be white and light blue. She said the flower arrangements, the bouquet, the cake and the containers for the confetti were all going to be in the shape of the church roof, because it pointed upwards to the sky. She said it would be like an ocean of arrows, all pointing upwards.
Her father said it would be cheaper to just make the guests lie on their backs but in a small town that always led to pregnancy.