your baby. Try gentle circular fingertip movement between the eyebrows, on the temples and behind the ears. All-over massage daily will gradually calm Baby too. You can also lie your baby on a big birthing ball and gently roll forwards and backwards, both on the tummy and back.
•Play soothing or melodious music to which you can dance with Baby, reminding him of days in the womb with music played during pregnancy.
•Place Baby under a tree where she can watch the constantly changing mobile of leaves blowing in the breeze, the clouds grouping and dappled sunlight making pretty patterns. Change Baby’s cot mobile too – imagine being exposed to just one tune or one set of dangles all the time!
•Take Baby into bed with you if night-time crying is pitiful. Often this is the only way you can get some sleep. Remember, you need to survive this phase well and finding solutions that work for you is all that is important.
TOP TIPS FOR EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING IN THE EARLY MONTHS
•Take each moment as it comes. Do not waste valuable energy wondering how and when this phase will end and how you will possibly survive. It will pass. Take a leaf out of the book of the animal kingdom: just do what you have to, don’t overload your schedule and don’t beat yourself up about what you cannot influence right now, and you will experience a serenity that vastly enhances your life.
•Surround yourself with supportive people. It might mean changing friends and medical attendants and having a firm talk to family members, but it is imperative that there are people who affirm your parenting approach, help you out when you need it and know how to pass on useful advice that does not sound like criticism. There is no one, single correct way of parenting and if your baby is healthy, happy and developing well and you feel that you are getting through each day quite easily, then you are doing well. Everything will be fine so long as there are positive feelings and a semblance of consistency.
•Remember, too, that you won’t always like all characteristics displayed by your baby. This need not necessarily make for an unhappy family, nor does it lessen your love for your child.
Remember
•You cannot spoil a baby with love.
•There is no one right way to raise a child.
•You are managing a child, not a project – efficiency is not all-important.
•Observe physical and emotional patterns in your baby to help you with routine.
•The ability to relax about life is as important now as in pregnancy and labour.
•There will be difficult days but things always improve.
•Pace yourself through the hectic times, simply living hour by hour.
•Accept help when it is offered – you can always return favours at a later stage.
•Babies are far more resilient than we think.
USE OF DUMMIES
Sucking is an important reflex and although feeding from Mom or even the bottle can satisfy this, emotional suckling is a need that should be taken seriously. One should, of course, ensure that Baby is cuddled and comforted sufficiently in one’s arms, but some babies simply are higher need babies and dummy-sucking can soothe unnecessary or frequent tears for which there is no other obvious cause.
Breast babies often reject dummies, preferring Mom’s breast, although if you choose the correct size (offering one with a teat that is too big is a common mistake) and preferably one made of latex as opposed to silicone, there is a good chance that Baby will be happy. It may also disrupt effective latching in breast babies by confusing them with the different feel and shape of the ‘teat’. Choosing an orthodontic teat like the excellent ones made nowadays minimises any such problems.
If you are keen to breastfeed and if you want to avoid oral thrush in Baby at all costs, it would be better not to use a dummy.
Thorough cleaning of the dummy is important and sterilising solutions are best avoided in my experience, as the thrush organism can still be cultured in some of these. After washing thoroughly in soapy water, place in a container of just-boiled water for ten minutes and store in an airtight container.
SIBLING SENSE
For an older brother or sister, a new baby should always be a welcome present! Involve siblings by letting them join in tasks like washing a foot, brushing hair gently or holding Baby’s hand while bathing. As a mother, you might be in a hurry, and just want to get Baby’s bath over and done with, but letting your toddler participate will ensure acceptance of the baby. If your toddler feels included and secure, he will soon be off to play at something else. Do keep some special time for your older child – try reading to him while you feed Baby.
Try not to emphasise how ‘big’ the older child is, and do not expect inappropriate maturity. Remember that an older child is has only recently graduated from being the centre of his mother’s attention, and is still in need of reassurance. Acknowledging this usually diverts any problems. A certain amount of regression in areas like potty training, feeding and need to suckle is quite normal and if not made a fuss of, will soon pass.
Three
Colic
Crying, Cramps, Colic
Colic is one of those difficult conditions to define. It is variously thought of as excessive windiness, tummy cramps, feeding problems, a hungry baby and either incessant crying or crying associated with feeds. It is one of the most likely reasons for new parents to take their child to the doctor, pharmacist or clinic. Professionals usually offer a standard type of diagnosis and treatment regime: your story will be asked for, tummy sounds listened to and, on occasion, X-ray examination might even be called for, especially if Baby vomits often. Antispasmodic medication is usually prescribed and assurances given that if all else fails, the passage of time (three to four months) will surely cure the condition.
The reality is that Baby’s frequent crying, apparent pain and Mom’s shot nerves and uncertainty is what drives one to seek a solution – the diagnosis is almost immaterial, except that it gives a name to the torment, which seems to provide hope of a possible solution. In this guide we will look more closely at seven different ways in which colic manifests itself. Your baby’s symptoms might fall into more than one category or he might display different symptoms at different times. Simply use the many tips as needed.
The Mom-Baby Tension Cycle
It is well-known that colic is more frequent in first babies and this might well be due to the understandable anxiety many moms have about handling their newborns and interpreting their needs. The tenser Mom or Baby becomes, the more this reflects in the other. There is no sense in trying to establish whose tension came first: all efforts should be directed at breaking the spiralling pattern of this vicious tension cycle. For all practical purposes, Baby and Mom are one entity. Understand this and you will already be well on your way to alleviating the problem.
Try these tips:
•Always play music, concentrating on the sort that makes you happy, gets you singing along or helps soothe you.
•Go for two walks with Baby each day: it’ll be great exercise for you and the movement will calm Baby too.
•Negotiate with your partner, a close friend or a trusted caregiver to let you have an hour off every second day. Bath, go for tea, sleep, read, do a bit of gardening or whatever takes your fancy – you will find you cope much better.
•Have