all risky to stop cold turkey and is really the best way to ensure Baby has the best environment in which to develop as soon as possible.
Generally, it is not easier to cut down slowly, although some people find taking just three or four puffs from a single cigarette and then putting it out and throwing it away helps them to cut down faster if they find it impossible to stop immediately. Nicotine has a range of effects as you smoke a whole cigarette. After a few puffs, the craving is not as strong as initially.
Expectant dads and close family and friends should know that this information is just as relevant to them, as passive smoking is just as damaging.
Often anxiety underlies smoking in pregnancy. A useful tip is to take the homeopathic remedy Sister Lilian Emotion tablets, as this helps you cope positively and safely. If the anxiety is about the pregnancy and birth, read more about labour and pain relief options. Should habit be the main reason, try to keep busy with creative activities and avoid typical situations in which you automatically light up.
TISSUE-SALT THERAPY PRIOR TO CONCEPTION
The following tissue salts are an excellent pre-pregnancy combination and can be taken in pregnancy too, to maximise assimilation of nutrients from food and optimise cellular function:
| Tissue salts | Field of action |
| Calc fluor | Tissue elasticity, dental development |
| Calc phos | Growth; development; peak body function; healthy teeth, blood and bones; improved immunity |
| Ferrum phos | Iron assimilation, anti-inflammatory properties, tissue |
| strength | |
| Kali phos | Healthy development of brain and nervous system tissue |
| Mag phos | Prevents cramping, optimises magnesium levels, helps prevent colic in babies from birth. |
A full discussion on tissue-salt therapy, as well as a questionnaire to determine which tissue salts you most need, can be found on in Part 6.
Emotional intelligence for parents-to-be
Why do we still have children of our own? For the most part, it is for all the old-fashioned reasons, even in this modern age. There simply comes a time when you want a child; it is a basic emotional and physical drive. Cryptically stated, you want a baby for what he or she can give you.
OFFERING BABY YOUR BEST
Just as we accept that it is our right to have and raise children according to our personal life views, so, I am sure, our babies come to this planet and our homes with certain expectations. And just as the ticking of the biological and emotional clocks may have made you decide that it was time to have a baby, babies operate according to natural laws too. They expect, I would imagine, the very best birth, postnatal care and childrearing on offer.
Children must adapt to their family and its norms. But there is no disputing that babies need the best birth experience possible. The laws of nature lead babies to expect a natural birth and this should preferably only be broken if either mother or baby is in real danger, at which stage intervention is the kindest option. Babies are also programmed to expect that their feeding will be the very best nature has to offer and you can bet your bottom dollar this does not come out of a tin!
I am aware that this might sound moralising, but it saddens me that we so easily pull the wool over our own eyes and, in the process, break our unwritten contract with our babies. It might seem that the man-made way is easier, more efficient and better than what nature offers with regard to pregnancy and childbirth. This Companion, while informing you of all your options, will help you to realise that in the age-old human activity of parenting, Mother Nature really does know best most of the time.
What a pity that the pace of modern life hardly allows for physical, let alone emotional preparation for parenthood. It is customary now for women to work right up to the end of their pregnancy, so that they can have as much time with their newborn baby as possible before returning to work. This means that there is not much time during pregnancy to reflect and prepare yourself emotionally. This is a great pity because creating, nurturing and rearing children impacts strongly on our lives. Women often become introspective during pregnancy, even to the extent of being averse to touch. This is coupled with the much-maligned tendency to increased emotionality.
We have alienated ourselves from the deeper processes at work during pregnancy. Do not be tempted to be the calculating, efficient career woman right up to the end of pregnancy. You are a partner in creation, and what is a physical creation without a soul? It is healthy to dwell on the meaning of mothering, the nature of nurturing and the impact you and your baby will have on each other and your world. We are not just islands in an anonymous ocean for the duration of our life, only to shrivel up and die. Society does its best to divert us from a path of emotional discovery. I want to urge you to keep delving, as it greatly enriches human experience. What more precious gift can we give our babies than this?
QUALITIES TO CULTIVATE FOR SUCCESSFUL PARENTING
Whatever your reasons for deciding to have a baby, the realities of parenting often prove to be quite a shock. What qualities do you need to cultivate in order to be a successful parent?
Birth preparation classes seldom inform parents of the all-important role the ability to relax (under any and all circumstances) plays. Prospective parents need to take time off from the adrenaline rush of modern adult life. Tuning in to a slower pace of life in pregnancy and your child’s earlier years is probably the quality that will leave you saying, ‘I enjoyed that time.’ How seldom parents say that!
Cultivate an awareness of your inner child. Men are usually better at this than women. Rediscover the magic of life seen through a child’s eyes and don’t fall easily into the trap of forgetting a child’s perspective.
Do not be too hurried. Your baby will register less stress, and so will you.
Most parents have no difficulty finding a bottomless supply of love for their little ones, although they don’t always like them or what they do! This is quite normal.
Do not fall into the trap, though, of rating the physical needs of your children higher than the emotional ones.
If love is easily come by, that is less true of patience. It sometimes helps to remember that children and adults have very different perspectives on life. Their priorities are very different from your own. The idea is not to see whose spirit is broken first but to find ways of living together amicably.
It is especially with our first children that we are constantly part of an experiment – everything that comes your way is done for the first time, even it if it is your 25-year-old asking for advice on romance. Be lenient with yourself, while ensuring that your actions are not to your baby or child’s detriment.
I believe that a little inefficiency is imperative for good parenting. Your child is not a tangible task to be dealt with efficiently, as you would a task at work. Many of us have children later in life and are used to organising our careers and households with predictable competence. We try to carry this over to our parenting. Don’t! It won’t succeed.
Preparing for the next baby
Just as there is no ‘best age’ to have a baby, there is no ‘correct’ age gap between children. With any gap of more than four years, it is almost like raising two single children. Just as you are done with the small baby work, you start all over again. Two babies closer together than two years is quite hard work for a mom, but with a supportive partner or structure around the home, it can be managed. Obviously, individual circumstances affect the equation. If either baby has any problems (health or behavioural), the strain of having children close in age could be greater.
It is very common to feel anxious about whether or not you will find enough love for a second child, when you love that first one so deeply. Will you have the energy and emotional ability to care as well for a second baby? Love for children multiplies, it does not divide. Do not be concerned about that. It is generally also