want to fully recover, you need to know that:
•Stopping your drinking, drug abuse or compulsive behaviour is only the beginning of a lifelong transformation. You’ll probably also have to go to a long-term half-way house for secondary treatment after you’ve been to a primary inpatient rehabilitation centre. It’s been proven time and again that long-term treatment of three months or more is far more effective than short-term treatment of three to six weeks. Hopeinaction.co.za provides a list of excellent rehabilitation centres.
•Mixed feelings and uncertainty about the rehabilitation will most likely lead to a relapse. Therefore, fully commit yourself to the process.
•You have to make the process your own and actively participate in it. Be honest and humble, and join support groups like NA or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). A schedule of meetings is available on these organisations’ websites.
•You have to be prepared to meet a therapist or recovery coach on a weekly basis if necessary.
Chronic medication can definitely play a role in recovery, and perhaps you should consider it. If it weren’t for medication, I would probably be dead by now. When you’re unable to ride a two-wheel bike, a third wheel is necessary until you feel confident about riding with two wheels again. Medication will never completely remove a problem, but it’ll help give you perspective on your challenges.
There are plenty of other things that can help you on the road to recovery. Exercise, therapeutic treatment, activities centred on God, a healthy diet, building relationships, community service, as well as surrounding yourself with constructive people and a positive environment, will all play a critical role in your recovery.
Searching for recovery will force you to look critically at yourself – it won’t be a pleasant process, but hang in there. I believe that every soul on Earth deserves to be free, to know the truth, to be empowered and to exceed the world’s expectations.
Life is difficult, I know. Every day delivers new challenges: stress at work, relationships, the boss, family issues, violence and poverty. People struggle without looking for or deserving hardships.
Let me share my personal solution with you: the hard reality is that’s how life is – accept it. It’s not our job to figure out God’s will. It simply is what it is. If you think life should be fair because you are just, then you might as well expect the lion not to eat you because you won’t eat the lion. Where you are and what you have at this moment should be enough for today. You’re where you are for a reason and it’s been prepared for you out of love. One day you’ll realise why. As Pulitzer Prize-winner Russell Baker said: ‘There is a hunger in us … for assurance that our lives have not been merely successful, but valuable – that we have accomplished something grander than just another well-heeled, loudly publicised journey from the diaper to the shroud. In short, that our lives have been consequential.’
Today I’m more blessed than ever: where once I was on the ash heap of despair, I now have a rich and full life. Your life can change for the better, too.
CHANGE
If you don’t earnestly look for recovery, you won’t find it. You also won’t find true happiness or enduring peace if you don’t do everything in your power to stay clean and at all times devote yourself to God. But the rewards are great: to see someone recover and witness God’s work through the recovery process is immeasurable and priceless.
An addict’s greatest problem is that they want everything immediately and they want it their way.
When you suffer from addictive behaviour, you’re obsessive, compulsive and manipulative. You always want a quick or easy fix. Believe me, I know. We flourish in instant gratification, and if we don’t get it immediately, we easily give up. God’s isn’t a magician, and life isn’t a movie. Change isn’t an event, it’s a process. Few people are really willing to persevere on this journey of change.
Why is this journey so challenging? It demands radical surrender and sacrifice. To venture out of your comfort zone is incredibly difficult. To change your habits and behaviour isn’t easy. You hold on to these things because you actually enjoy them. They fulfil some of your basic needs. That’s why it’s so difficult to give them up – even when you realise that your behaviour and habits aren’t good for you any more.
This truth is that it’s difficult to accept that your own behaviour is systematically destroying you. Often it’s easier and more convenient to continue with the behaviour, because change would mean sacrificing and abandoning something.
Rabbi Twerski describes it as follows:
‘When people who are addicted to alcohol or drugs deny their addiction, it is often because realisation of the truth would necessitate change; namely, to give up the use of their chemical, and this would cause them discomfort. Similarly, when people refuse to acknowledge the truth of the sovereignty of God, it is because such realisations would call for changes in their lives, and it is usually more comfortable not to change. If I pray to be shown the truth, I must be prepared to sacrifice some comfort in order to live the truth.’
Unfortunately, you first have to discover the truth before you can believe in it. Only by admitting that you’re completely powerless in the face of your addiction and acknowledging that you’ve already lost the battle can you find the path to truth and yourself on the road to life-changing victory. Acknowledging your powerlessness over your addiction becomes the foundation of your strength through which you ultimately overcome your struggle.
Another reason that it’s difficult to change is that you really only see the fruits of your recovery after one or two years. It takes a long time to cultivate a new lifestyle and to see its results. Relationships, work, finances and a clear conscience don’t happen overnight; they take time, sometimes quite a long time.
But it really is worth the effort. Do yourself a favour and give yourself a chance to change. Allow yourself an honest and fair chance at life. For too long you’ve hurt yourself and allowed your addictive behaviour to rule you. You’re better than that. So ignore your doubts because your road to triumph has just begun.
You’ll meet a God of unconditional love and eternal triumph, and He won’t let you down. He’s greater and mightier than you can ever comprehend. He’s far more interested in our character than our comfort, although He provides unbelievable protection and comfort if you’re willing to do your part. If you show Him the necessary character, He always brings the necessary comfort; He’ll reveal Himself to you if you’re ready to change your life.
Something better is waiting for you – something much better than you’ve ever known.
REVISITING THE PAST
From an early age, I hated life. I was sick and tired of everyone and everything around me – even myself. I annoyed myself and the people around me. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I rebelled and experimented with everything. It was my way of trying to escape.
My search for escape had already began during my formative years. I was always different. The anti-establishment kinda guy. Jimi Hendrix said, ‘All I’m gonna do is just go on and do what I feel’ – and that’s precisely what I did.
All my life I heard the same words: ‘Hykie, you’re a naughty child; you are worthless and you’re crazy and weird.’ In the house where I was raised, I felt like I wasn’t the smartest child. My brother and sister performed much better than I did academically, and my brother was better at sports, too. I don’t believe it was my family’s intention to make me feel this way, but that’s what I experienced.
At school I was never good at anything; I was an average child. You know, so-so. All I seemed good at, besides attracting attention, was testing people’s patience. I tried to see how far I could push people before they’d explode. Whether it was my mom, sister or teacher, it gave me a kick to drive people up the wall.
I did terrible things to amuse myself. I’d pin my sister under a bean-bag pillow and lie on her for hours while drooling on her face. I always tried to frighten her.