Return to Paradise. Barbara Cameron

drove down the long, dark road, feeling depressed and more than a little lonely. It wasn’t a new feeling . . . it had been the story of his life for the past year. Sometimes he didn’t think he’d have made it through without the friendship of Bill, his Englisch friend, and his bruders when they had left the Amish community and moved near him.

      With Nellie in charge of getting them home and no need to concentrate on the road with no other vehicles on it, David’s thoughts wandered back through the years, back to memories of rosy-cheeked Lavina, her braids flying as she played tag on the school playground during recess. How he’d felt to know she’d sit with him for hours and listen as he poured out his pain at trying to get along with his father, and how her blue eyes would fill with warmth and compassion and she’d hold his hand. The happiness in those eyes when he asked her to accompany him to their first singing when she was a young maedel. Then utter joy years later when he asked her to marry him and the sweet taste of their kiss sealed the engagement.

      Tonight he’d looked into the face of a young woman, not a maedel from his childhood, and seen how she’d turned away from him for the pain he’d caused, and he felt a soul-deep bleakness and despair.

      An owl hooted in the woods lining the road, its call echoing in the silence. The wind grew colder and found crevices to creep into around the windshield and the doors of the buggy, seeping into his bones and making him feel old. It made him long for the comfort of his truck; watching the back of old Nellie, knowing she’d guide him home as she’d done for years and years, was a comfort he’d missed. She, the buggy, the family farm, the Amish way of life were such a part of him, just as much as his blood and bone and sinew.

      He’d missed so much. He had to find a way back, not just to help his mudder with his dat and the farm, but to find himself again.

      He told himself he couldn’t let himself get depressed over two bad days, rejection from two people who meant something to him. Gut things didn’t always come easy even when all came from God, from His plan for your life and according to His will.

      There was something to be learned from every road He took you down, every hardship you faced, as well as every joy.

      Maybe Lavina wasn’t the woman God had set aside for him. Maybe there was another he’d find joy in loving, find happiness in marrying, and having the kinner he hoped God would send. Who knew? He sighed. It was evident he wasn’t supposed to find out tonight. Maybe not for many nights.

      He pulled into the drive of his home and got out of the buggy to unhitch Nellie. As he stood there giving her an affectionate hug, he told himself to be grateful for the moment, for the peace of the still night, for the safety and security of a home and a warm bed for the night. He said a prayer of thanks and asked for guidance, and then he led Nellie into her stall for the night before heading to his own solitary bed.