search for the love and acceptance we felt we had not received as children. Trying to find love in others inevitably led to very destructive and extremely painful relationships with men. Pain has a way of showing up in other ways: overindulgence, irresponsibility, and the lowest levels of self-esteem.
We never met as children, but as adults we realized we had lived parallel lives, nearly every step of the way. Like so many women, our childhood hopes and dreams, and the fire that burned inside each of us, were stomped out like the last bit of flames on a campfire. By the time we were young adults, all that was left inside of us—like an abandoned campfire—was the ash left from the embers. We had hope for the future of our careers, but neither of us had hope for ourselves as women. We knew how to survive, but we had no idea what it meant to actually live.
We met again, backstage at a concert, and we exchanged pleasantries, even shared a toast, but walked away with no inclination that we would meet again. We were two women on similar paths of self-destruction. Two women God saw fit to pull together for a greater purpose than either of us had ever imagined. On the many days we sat alone in our own personal prisons of shame, anger, and low self-value, we had no idea what was waiting around the bend for us. We did not know we would eventually come together for the purpose of empowering and inspiring hope in women all over the world.
As fate was determined to have it, our lives also changed for the better in the same way. We both knew something was wrong and we hit a brick wall. Each time, we found ourselves running away from people and situations and, most of all, we were running away from ourselves. Trying to escape from a problem instead of facing and claiming it. What we have found is that people are sent in your life to show you the way, open a door, or share with you a lesson. The question is, were we ready to recieve it?
We both met men who would force us to take a long, hard look in the mirror and face our fears, head-on. We each had met a man who loved us when we were stripped down to our bare souls and could not hide our fears and insecurities underneath the rock of our careers. These men were beautiful examples of the kind of people we are meant to have in our lives. With their help and with the help of women who held us up along the way, we each realized one day that what needed to change most was our attitude. Our journeys have proven that we can choose our attitudes in any given set of circumstances…simply by drawing strength from God and learning to control the only thing we CAN control—which is ourselves.
Anyone can overcome. Anyone can meet the challenge. Anyone can succeed. Anyone can choose to be better today than they were yesterday, until eventually, they are the best. We’re not saying we’re the best, but like Serena Williams at tennis, and Alicia Keys on her piano, we practice being better every single day because we want to be the best we can possibly be.
When we met again, it was to celebrate the birthday of a dear friend, Steve Stoute, who is the cofounder of our organization, Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), and even then, we had no idea that we were soon to join together to make a difference in the lives of millions of women. What we did know, on that day, was that we shared a moment that left each of us knowing that the other had something very special to give the world and it would have nothing to do with the talents that were defining our lives at that moment.
We have grown from abused children to career women to women on a mission, and with a very definite purpose. What has brought life to our purpose is a willingness to do whatever it takes to make sure that every one of you—your mothers, your sisters, your cousins, and your best friends—understands that you are a phenomenal woman. This is an attitude we all must develop in our hearts as we go out into the world.
Like us when we were young, you may not think you have the talent or ability to be thriving and successful young women with something of great significance to offer society, but because you are a woman and women are so very resilient, you can rise to every occasion.
We challenge you to rise up, like a phoenix, anytime anyone or anything tries to keep you down. We challenge you to be your sister’s keeper. We challenge you to always like what you see when you’re looking in the mirror.
Souls of My Young Sisters provides us with a truth we can hold on to…the truth that we are never alone. If we look out the window, around the corner, in the next room, or simply in the mirror…there is a sister there just waiting to walk us into the light.
Mary J. Blige
Mary J. Blige is an eight-time Grammy Award–winning singer-songwriter, producer, and actress who has sold more than 40 million albums worldwide since her career began in 1992.
Making an impact outside of the studio, Mary has been active with many community organizations and AIDS awareness programs such as Minority AIDS Project, and in 2001 was honored for community activism with Rock the Vote’s Patrick Lippert Award.
Using her personal experience to further help her community, Mary, along with Steve Stoute, created and funded Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now, Inc. (FFAWN). Created in 2007, FFAWN is an organization dedicated to helping women overcome their personal difficulties and reach their full potential in life. FFAWN assists women through a range of programs that encourage women to realize their dreams and pursue their individual goals. Mary’s hope is that FFAWN will provide women with the self-confidence, abilities, and resources they need to take the initiative to realize their full potential.
Madeline Nelson-Small
As the executive director of Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now, Inc. (FFAWN), founded by Grammy Award–winning singer-songwriter Mary J. Blige and marketing and branding executive Steve Stoute, music industry veteran Madeline Nelson-Small is on a mission. “My passion for what we’re doing at FFAWN is limitless,” Nelson-Small explains. “It was our goal from the beginning to make FFAWN a grassroots relationship between ourselves and the community of women we’ve vowed to help.”
A Harlem native and City College graduate who strongly believes in the idea of “paying it forward,” Madeline Nelson-Small arrived at FFAWN with a strong desire to help under-served women feel empowered to reach their full potential with scholarships, grants, and other supporting programs. “Having gone through years of mental and physical abuse when I was a child, I can understand all too well what happens when a woman feels she has no hope.”
Acknowledgments
Laurie Parkin, we thank you for believing in us and the Souls of My Sisters imprint. Steven and Walter Zacharius, your support and guidance is just amazing. We have a talented young and brilliant staff without which we could not have made this possible: Donna Hill, for your tireless efforts. Kim Alvarez, Veneice McDermott, Bianca Payton, Cara Lawton. Thank you, Jessica McLean Ricketts, for your advice and kindness. Thank you to John Scognamiglio, Selena James, Karen Auerbach, Kate Duffy, David Lappin, Lesleigh Underwood, John Masiello, Valeece Smith, Adeola P. Saul, Mercedes Fernandez, Neven Gravett, and Daly Hernandez.
Special Thanks from Candace Sandy
To my parents, Patricia and Carlton Samuel, who love with grace and have instilled in me the need to make a difference. To my brothers, Sherwin Sandy and Sheldon Samuel; my nieces, Crystal and Taylor; and my nephew Ricardo, who has always been a constant source of love. To my aunts for their undying love, belief, guidance, and support. To Aunt Geraldine (Amu), Helen, Jennifer, Hemetta, Joanie, Pat, and Joan Braithwaite. To my uncles, who are absolutely phenomenal: Uncle Vernell (Vush) and Trevor Hamlett. To my uncle Wendell Hamlett, who never stopped believing in us. To my cousins, whose love and support sustained me: Jackie, Ann, Paula, Torrie, Jodelle, Donica, Danica, and Natalie. To all of the boys I treasure: Kealon, Terrence, Mark, Trevon, Brent, Franklin, Elijah, Langston. To the Fraley family, my aunt and Uncle Frank, Lisa Fraley, Ollie Gables, and Grandmother Fraley. To my godmother, Cyrilla Laborde, and my extended family: Gary and Amy Krakow; Saundra Parks; and my godchildren, Mark, Martin, Chanel, Naomi, Eliana, and Alyssa. My sisters since I was nine years old, Cristina Colon and Maggie Goring, and their spouses, Jose Gerrero and James Goring. Al and Tiffany Ragin, who are simply irreplaceable.
To Congressman Gregory W. Meeks, his wife, Simone Marie Meeks, the Washington and the New York staff who have been encouraging and understanding during the development of the book. Special