Dear Emily. Fern Michaels

enough to assign me one across the hall. When was the last time we slept together, made love? I remember the day, the hour, and what went on before and afterward. Women remember things like that. I don’t like the yellow room and I resent that you would think I would. Take away the surprise element, Ian, and what do you have? I would rather have known about the house, done the decorating myself. And how do you know I couldn’t do a good job? You don’t know a goddamn thing about me and that’s really sad. You broke my heart. You really did and I cannot forgive you for that. I’m still angry about those clinics.”

      “Those clinics netted a hundred and forty thousand dollars last month,” Ian said coldly.

      “How many babies did you kill for that, Ian? How many men jerked off in a bottle to store in your freezers? Give me a number, Ian.”

      “Don’t go noble on me, Emily. Women have a right to choose. I’ve always believed that. Jesus Christ, you don’t even go to church, so don’t start that morality crap. You believe they have a right to choose, too.”

      “If you truly believed that, Ian, I would know it in my heart and then I could live with the clinics, but you don’t believe it. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re in this for the money, and nothing you can say will ever convince me otherwise. You kill babies for money and then you buy me presents to try and ease your conscience.”

      “That’s not true,” Ian bellowed.

      It was true, she could see it in his face, read it in his eyes. She felt no satisfaction, only a deep sadness. Suddenly she wanted to wipe the look off his face, kiss away the look in his eyes. He still had a hold over her. “Take back all those presents and go outside in the garden and bring me one of the tulips, pick me a dandelion, a green weed. I don’t care what it is as long as you pick it because you want to give me something from your heart. Did you know dandelions are herbs?”

      “No, I’m not taking back the gifts. I promised them to you and I never knowingly break a promise. The tulips are too pretty to pick and I think you know that. I didn’t see any dandelions in the lawn when I came home. And why in the hell would I give you a weed. And no, I didn’t know dandelions are herbs. I guess I wasn’t in class the day they discussed dandelions.”

      “What else do you want to talk about?” Emily asked as she tapped her pencil on the table.

      “Us.” He walked over to the table and reached down for her hand. “I want you to move into my room. I’ll order a king-size bed since we’re both restless sleepers. We need to start working on that baby. If I broke your heart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m a doctor, do you think I can fix it for you? Will you let me try? Do you still love me?”

      Emily thought her heart would burst right out of her chest. It was the first time Ian had ever said he was sorry about anything. Maybe this time he meant it. She wanted to believe it, needed to believe it. “I’m willing to try, Ian. I love you. I will probably always love you. Do you love me?”

      “Of course. How can you think otherwise?”

      “Because I need to hear the words, Ian. If you loved me, how could you go off and leave me sitting at Jacques’? And go away without me?”

      “I don’t know how I did that, Emily. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I was miserable. All I did was think of you and the business. I couldn’t wait to get home to apologize, and when I did, you didn’t want any part of me. I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything. I was wrong and I admit it. What did you do while I was gone?”

      “I drank myself into a stupor every night.”

      “We really messed up, didn’t we?”

      Mendenares’s face flashed in front of her. “You did, Ian, I didn’t.”

      “Guilty!” Ian said cheerfully. “God, I’m glad we settled all this. Come on, let’s move your stuff upstairs. I’ll help you. Then, if you are agreeable, we’ll take a long, hot shower together and do our best to make a baby.”

      Emily smiled. It was a start. You always had to start somewhere. “Did you do the dishes? You cook, you clean, I’ll watch you.”

      “That’s fair,” Ian said, bolting up the stairs to the kitchen. Emily watched as he dumped the dishes, the condiments, the silverware into the trash barrel on the deck. “Done!”

      In spite of herself, Emily giggled.

      It took four trips before they were ready to strip down in the shower.

      Emily thought she could feel her heart start to mend when Ian said, “Let’s get started on that kid who is going to look like you or me or both of us put together.”

      Her heart was mending, she was sure of it as she stepped into his arms under the pelting water.