candy, now donuts. Sheri brought food to my house each time she visited and she had not said a word about what happened.
“Where are you going?” she asked when I stood up.
“Toilet,” I snapped.
How could she eat so much? After I bathed her, I had to teach myself how to breathe again. Breathing out wasn’t the problem, breathing in was. If I didn’t prompt myself, I simply forgot. Then when I wasn’t thinking, the rhythm came back. I realized I hadn’t felt hungry in days. I didn’t even feel thirsty. I imagined my stomach like a shriveled palm kernel. At night, I had visions of fishermen breaking into my room. I dreamed of Sheri running toward me with her face made up like a masquerader. She slammed into me and I fell out of my bed. I held my head and sobbed.
I sat on the toilet and waited for the urge to pee. What I wished was for my parents to come home. Sheri was making me angry enough to punch walls. I came out without washing my hands. She was eating another donut.
“You’re going to be sick,” I said, grabbing my book.
“Why?” she asked.
“If you keep eating and eating like that.”
She wiped grease from her mouth. “I don’t eat that much.”
I used the book to cover my face. “Eating and eating,” I said to provoke her.
“I don’t... ”
She stood up and let out a cry. My book slid off my face, just as she lurched. Her vomit splattered over the table, hitting my face. I tasted it in on my tongue; it was sweet and slimy. She lunged forward and another mound of vomit plopped on the veranda floor. I managed to grab her shoulders.
“Sorry,” I said. “You hear me?”
Tears ran down her face. I sat her in the chair and went to the kitchen to get a bucket and brush. The water gushed into the bucket and I wondered why I was so angry with her. Holding my breath, I delved deeper and the fist in my stomach exploded. Yes. I blamed her. If she hadn’t smoked hemp it would never have happened. If she hadn’t stayed as long as she did at the party, it would certainly not have happened. Bad girls got raped. We all knew. Loose girls, forward girls, raw, advanced girls. Laughing with boys, following them around, thinking she was one of them. Now, I could smell their semen on her, and it was making me sick. It was her fault.
The foam poured over the edge of the bucket. I struggled with the handle. The water wet my dress as I hobbled through the living room. I remembered the moment Sheri came to my window. Why did we go? I could have said no. She wouldn’t have gone without me. One word. I should have said no. Damola and his friends, they would suffer for what they did. They would remember us, our faces. They would never forget us.
I reached the veranda and she stood up.
“I’ll do it,” I said.
She shut her eyes. “Maybe I should go home.”
“Yes,” I said.
She’d eaten the last donut.
She didn’t come back to my house, and I didn’t visit her either because I hoped that if we pretended long enough the whole incident might vanish. As if the picnic hadn’t done enough damage that summer, as if the rains hadn’t added to our misery, there was a military coup. Our head of state was overthrown. I watched as our new ruler made his first announcement on television. “I, Brigadier... ”
The rest of his words marched away. I was trying to imagine the vacation starting over, Sheri coming to my window. I would order her to go home.
My father fumed throughout the announcement. “What is happening? These army boys think they can pass us from one hand to the other. How long will this regime last before there’s another?”
“Let us hear what the man is saying,” my mother said.
The brigadier was retiring government officials with immediate effect. He was setting up councils to investigate corruption in the civil service. My father talked as if he were carrying on a personal argument with him.
“What qualification do you have to reorganize the government?”
“I beg you,” my mother said. “Let us hear what he is saying.”
I noticed how she smirked. My mother was always pleased when my father was angry.
“You fought on a battle front doesn’t make you an administrator,” he said. “What do you know about reorganizing the government?”
“Let us give him a chance,” she said. “He might improve things.”
My father turned to her. “They fight their wars and they retire to their barracks. That is what they do. The army have no place in government.”
“Ah, well,” she said. “Still let us hear.”
They followed the latest news about the coup; I imagined the summer as I wished it had started. That was how it was in our house over the next few days. There was a dusk to dawn curfew in Lagos and I wanted it to end so I could have the house to myself. I was not interested in the political overhaul in our country. Any voices, most of all my parents’ animated voices, jarred on my ears, so when Uncle Fatai came by a week later, I went to my bedroom to avoid hearing about the coup again.
I thought they would all talk for a while. Instead, my father knocked on my door moments later. “Enitan, will you come out?”
I’d been lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I dragged myself out. My mother was sitting in the living room. Uncle Fatai had gone.
“Yes, Daddy?”
“I want you to tell me the truth,” my father said.
He touched my shoulder and I forgot how to breathe again.
“Yes, Daddy... ”
“Uncle Fatai tells us a friend of yours is in trouble.”
My mother stood up. “Stop protecting her. You’re always protecting her. Don’t take her to church, don’t do this, don’t do that. Now look.”
“Your friend is in hospital,” my father said.
“Your friend is pregnant,” my mother said. “She stuck a hanger up herself and nearly killed herself. Now she’s telling everyone she was raped. Telling everyone my daughter was involved in this.” She patted her chest.
“Let me handle this,” my father said. “Were you there?”
“I didn’t do anything,” I said, stepping back.
“Enitan, were you there?”
I fled to my room. My father followed me to the doorway and watched my shifting feet. “You were there, weren’t you,” he said.
I kept moving. If I stopped, I would confess.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You knew this happened and yet you stayed in this house, saying nothing.”
“I told her not to go.”
“Look at you,” he said, “involved in a mess like this. I won’t punish you this time. It’s your mother that will punish you. I guarantee.”
He left. I shut my door quietly and climbed into bed.
She was at my window. It was night outside.
“Let’s go.”
Our yard was water. The water had no end.
“Let’s go.”
I struggled to pull her through my window. She was slipping into