face.)
– You share the same birthday with approximately 19.2 million10 other people around the world. (Bummer … I thought I was special. Happy birthday to us all! Perhaps we should organize a joint party, invite 10 to 20 friends each, and split the expense. We can meet each other and test the theory of astrology, which affirms that our personalities should be pretty similar. We are Leos after all.)
Useful information, isn’t it? I am, however, under the impression that we have overlooked certain rather important areas of knowledge. Perhaps we ought to re-examine the priorities and the aims and objectives of the traditional educational school curricula.
Yet, if we decided to teach people emotion management, has science discovered the necessary knowledge? If so, is it available for all? Can we learn to change the way we feel, even when external circumstances justify (or even “impose,” as many people think) feeling bad? I would argue that such knowledge is available, hitherto untapped by most.
SO, WHAT IS STRESS?
While everyone around us is talking about it and everyone appears to know a lot, it seems that no one really knows what it is. It is very much like the definition of love. Indeed, although most people seek love and wish to reduce stress, very few can define the terms. Watch closely. Here’s another exercise I enjoy doing in my seminars to support the argument I have just made.
Putting on my most serious face, I instruct participants:
“I’ll give you three minutes to think and record on a sheet of paper the answer to the question “What is stress?”. Then, I will select three of you to come up onto the stage and give us their definition. Next, you will judge them by awarding marks, and we will eventually decide on the best definition. By the way, the ratings you receive will count towards your final mark. Let’s go! Your time starts … now!”
Suddenly, participants remember that they have a pen somewhere in their briefcase and start looking for it. Others realize they need to use the bathroom. The rest are looking for handkerchiefs, shuffling papers on their desks, fidgeting around on their chair. Their reactions are typical; as I move closer, some avoid eye contact by looking down. Why? Because the level of stress in the room has increased significantly!
Way before the end of the three minutes, I peer over the seats of two or three individuals and stare into their eyes, as if I were testing their responses to decide whether to pick them to get up onto the stage.
The classic response is to look away and sink deeper into their seats. Occasionally, I get a straight look in the eyes from those confident enough to stand up and present their ideas or those who enjoy showing off.
When the three minutes are up, I try making eye contact with as many people as I can, slowly looking around the room from one side to the other …
Then, I tell participants
“Don’t panic, I am not going to examine anyone. You can relax. I used the exercise to help you experience a little of what we have been talking about, i.e., stress.”
“… Thanks mate, appreciated!” they reply and breathe a sigh of relief, packing up their notes.
I then ask for the definitions they recorded, but in a non-threatening tone.
Wait! Your turn first! Although I am not near you right now, stop arguing that you do not have a pen, or that it is time for a break, because it’s not, at least not yet. What would you tell your seven-year-old if she asked you?
Stress is …
Record your definition of stress above. Now!
Before we move on to your definition of stress, consider that one of the most common replies is that stress is something you feel.
“I am under a lot of pressure” or “I am feeling very stressed” are expressions used by most of us in everyday life.
If stress is indeed something we feel, then which of the five known senses do we employ to feel it? Can we see, touch, smell, taste, or hear it?
“Of course not!” I bet you would hasten to reply, were you here with me now.
However, even though we cannot feel it by using one of the known senses we all experience some form of stress in our everyday life. In this case, how can we argue that we feel stress? With which of our senses?11 Allow me to enlighten you.
The answer is that we can feel our body’s responses to stress, as well as its immediate effects. We can also observe how someone perceives and experiences stress.
As will be discussed later, both the perception and the responses to stress caused by identical events may vary substantially between two individuals.
“Real” stress
The midnight news on Uranus ended with the weather forecast.
“Tomorrow Monday the temperature will range between 18 and 23 degrees Celsius. The S.P.I. (Stress Particle Index) may exceed the 250 S.U. (Stress Unit) safety limits, while there is the chance of local storms.”
The citizens of Uranus prepared their anti-stress umbrellas for the following day and went to bed. You see, on Uranus, stress fell from the clouds in the form of visible yellow and blue polka-dot particles and was … quite painful!
If you are an earthling you may find this news strange, but it’s probably the inhabitants of Uranus who would be puzzled to find out that on Earth stress cannot be seen, felt, smelt, tasted, or heard. That lifts do not have special mechanisms that produce vibrations and sounds to terrify claustrophobic people. That, buildings don’t have hinges to move around and terrify people who suffer from fear of heights. Uranians would be surprised to hear that on Earth stress exists only between the ears of each earthling and not a foot away from under their very nose.12
According to the weather report, there will be a stress storm tomorrow. I must remember to take my anti-stress umbrella and … helmet!
So, what is stress? Here is one of the most popular definitions:
“Stress is the response of the body to any event that threatens – or is perceived to threaten – our well-being and exceeds (or at least we think it exceeds) our ability to cope with it” (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984).13
Good or bad?
Can stress be positive? Record your response to this question: Yes … No …
Pressure and stress is the common cold of the psyche. – Andrew Denton
There is a slight confusion in the use of the words stress and anxiety. Let us clarify the issue. Stress refers to the demands for adjustment, without necessarily distinguishing between the negative or positive emotions associated with it. Anxiety, on the other hand, refers to negative emotions only.14
The answer to the question above is “yes.” There is positive (eustress) and negative stress (distress). In fact, a certain degree of stress is necessary in life, as we will see further down, in order to experience what Dr Peter Hansen calls the joy of stress!
Does eustress also pose a threat?
Indeed! Except, these threats are less intense compared to the effects of distress. One could even argue that the physiological responses to positive and negative stress are similar, as illustrated in the example below.
A mother learns that her son has been killed in the Second World War (the letter with the bad news took some time to arrive, because it was mailed by regular and not express post). She is shattered, she shakes, her blood pressure rises, she wobbles, stutters and, considering her old age, potential consequences could include a stroke or heart attack.
If she recovers and survives until next week, she will offer us the opportunity to examine an example of positive stress. Let us assume (this is our story, we write the script) that mum