drape the mac over Ortrud.
‘There,’ said Purvis.
‘That looks almost completely inconspicuous.’
‘Tremendous,’ said Howard, heading towards the door.
‘Now let’s get going.’
‘Wait!’ said Purvis.
‘What?’ said Howard.
‘Take your jacket off,’ said Purvis.
‘Certainly not,’ said Howard. ‘I’ve already given up my mac, and it’s starting to rain.’
‘I know,’ said Purvis.
‘Well, then,’ said Howard.
‘But listen,’ said Purvis. ‘Just imagine.’
‘What am I supposed to be imagining?’ said Howard.
‘Just imagine,’ said Purvis, dramatically, ‘someone comes into this room.’
‘Your point being?’ said Howard.
‘You’re supposed to be here, but you’ve GONE, ’ said Purvis. ‘To the
‘Hmm,’ said Howard.
‘How would they know about the
‘It doesn’t matter about the
‘You said they knew about the
‘Stop that,’ said Howard.
‘So anyway,’ continued Purvis, ‘if we hang your jacket on the back of your chair, people will assume you’re still somewhere here in the building.’
‘Why will they?’ asked Mickey Thompson.
‘Because it’s pouring with rain,’ said Purvis.
‘“He can’t be far away from his hardworking desk,” is what they’ll think. “Only a fool would go out in this without a jacket on.” ’
‘Exactly,’ said Howard. ‘What do you take me for?’
‘But, Howard,’ said Purvis. ‘You don’t want to risk getting into trouble, do you? This way, you’re covered.’
‘Yes, in water,’ muttered Howard, as he took his jacket off and hung it over the back of the chair.
‘There,’ he said. ‘Happy now?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Purvis. He studied the jacket, worriedly.
‘Do you think it’ll be enough?’
‘We could plump it out a bit,’ suggested Mickey Thompson.
‘How do you mean?’ asked Purvis.
‘Stuff something into it, and sit it on the chair,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Then it would look like an actual Howard.’
‘No it would not,’ said Howard, crossly.
‘We’d need some trousers,’ said Purvis, looking at Howard’s trousers, speculatively.
‘If you think I’m going to the
with no trousers on you’ve got another think coming,’ said Howard.
‘You’re probably right,’ said Purvis. ‘And even if we made it look really good, what if someone spoke to it? When it didn’t speak back it would arouse suspicion.’
‘How about some crisps?’ suggested Mickey Thompson.
‘You’ve had enough crisps for one morning,’ said Howard.
‘No, I mean open a bag and put it on the desk,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘You wouldn’t have left the building in the middle of eating a bag of crisps.’
‘Good point,’ said Purvis. So they opened a bag of crisps and positioned them carefully on Howard’s desk.
Then they opened a packet of biscuits, and a carton of juice, and a packet of mints, and another bag of crisps, and positioned those too.
‘That’s enough now,’ said Howard.
‘It’s a pity there’s no cake,’ said Mickey Thompson, through a mouthful of biscuit.
‘Come along, come along,’ said Howard, ‘and let’s attempt to leave the building as quickly, and as quietly, and as inconspicuously as we can, can we?’
‘OK,’ said the mice.
‘OK,’ said Howard.
‘Let’s go,’ said the mice.
‘Let’s go,’ said Howard, and they all rushed out of the room and down the corridor to the lift as quickly and quietly and inconspicuously as they could.
‘PING,’
went
the
lift
doors,
opening, and they all rushed in.
‘We’re going to the
‘Shush,’ hissed Howard.
‘Very nice too,’ said the lift, as it
whooshed
them
downwards.
‘That’s a funny-shaped bundle he’s got there.’
‘Er, mmm,’ said Purvis, nervously.
‘What’s it saying?’ said Howard. ‘It’s saying something, isn’t it?’
‘No. Nothing,’ said Purvis, and Ortrud trumpeted.
‘Ooh, it’s the little elephant!’ said the lift. ‘I wondered what it was. What’s he got her all wrapped up for? She isn’t ill, is she?’
‘No,’ said Purvis.
‘Yes,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘Which?’ said the lift.
‘Neither,’ said Purvis.
‘Both,’ said Mickey Thompson.
‘PING,’