more than I’d anticipated, stinging and throbbing, but a part of me welcomed the pain. I liked that I was feeling something other than anger and panic.
Panic. The word got stuck in my mind, echoing.
I’d panicked earlier.
I’d panicked big-time.
Mr. Ankh had been right, hadn’t he? The episodes were panic attacks, triggered by...what? Emotion? Maybe. I was living with the guilt of knowing Emma’s life would be forever unfulfilled. The ache of forging a new one for myself as the old one burned behind me. The uncertainty of navigating a spiritual world I’d been unprepared for. The fear of the unknown.
But emotions couldn’t be the full story. Otherwise I’d never have moments of calm. I thought back. Lying in my bed, after Cole had walked out on me, I’d lamented about the new direction of my life. Then, boom, the panic had come. Then, later on, Kat had mentioned the newness of my appearance and boom, panic again.
New things.
Change, I realized. The thought of change had to be the trigger.
And okay. All right. Now that I knew, I could deal. But...
That wasn’t the full story, either. It couldn’t be. Panic failed to explain the double heartbeats...the hunger...and the fact that I’d wanted to bite Reeve. And what if I’d been wrong about the smudges? What if they weren’t part of my imagination, but this...whatever this was?
That would mean...what?
I didn’t know, but one thing was certain. More changes loomed on the horizon.
Just like that, perspiration beaded on my brow and upper lip, and an invisible elephant sat down on my chest. The pressure... I struggled to breath, barely even able to wheeze.
“Hey, are you okay?” the guy asked me.
“Fine,” I managed to huff. “Just hurry.”
“You don’t rush quality. And I told you it would hurt.”
My sister was my calming force, so I drew her image to the front of my mind, concentrating on her. I saw a mass of straight, dark hair. Sun-kissed skin. A mischievous gleam in her dark eyes.
“You’re the prettiest girl in the whole world, Alice,” she said, beaming up at me.
“No, brat, that would be you,” I replied, gently tapping the tip of her nose.
“No way. A boy at my school told me he heard his dad say only blondes are worth doing.”
“First, I never want to hear you say the words worth doing again. Do you even know what that means? Second, that boy’s dad is an idiot. And a pig!”
So hungry... Must eat...
The whispery voice intruded on the memory, and I frowned at Artist Guy. “Did you say something?”
He didn’t glance up, even as he moved to my other wrist. “Nope.”
Hungry. Hungry! HUNGRY!
I shook my head, as if my mind had somehow locked on a different radio frequency and a little motion would change the channel back. But it didn’t, and I found I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the vulnerability of Artist Guy’s now-glowing neck.
“Be still,” he commanded.
“I’m sorry. I just... Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“That voice. That whisper.”
He paused long enough to dab at a bead of blood with a cotton ball. “Great. The pretty princess is one of the crazies. I should have known.”
Bite him. Feed on him.
“Emma,” I said.
“You want me to add a name?” he asked.
“No.”
My sister appeared a few seconds later. “You’re getting tattoos?” she squealed. Then she saw my face, and the excitement was replaced by concern. “Alice?”
“Something’s wrong with me,” I told her.
“I know.” Artist Guy sighed. “That’s what I just said.”
“Cole?” she asked.
I snapped my teeth, then glanced at Artist Guy, trying to show her what the problem was.
“You want to bite him?”
I nodded.
Frowning, she traced her fingers through my hair, and the urge to bite instantly vanished, thrilling me...baffling me. “I’ll ask around and return when I’ve learned something.”
She disappeared. And maybe I passed out from relief. I don’t know. One moment I was relaxed in my seat; the next Artist Guy was saying, “All right. All done. What do you think?”
I opened my eyes to see he was setting the equipment aside. I waited for the voice or urge to return, but...there was only silence. No hunger. I uttered a quiet prayer of thanks.
He crossed his arms and watched my expression. “Well?”
The ink was perfect, as promised, and exactly what I’d wanted. The white rabbit was on one side, and the daggers on the other. The skin around the ink was red and swollen, though, and throbbed insistently.
“They’re wonderful.”
Grunting with satisfaction, he smothered each with ointment, then covered them with bandages. “Remove the dressing in about an hour and add more ointment. Keep the ink clean, but don’t take long showers or baths for at least two weeks.”
“Okay.”
He ushered me to the front of the building, where Kat and Reeve waited.
Grinning when she spotted me, Kat jumped up and clapped. “Let me see, let me see!”
Reeve stood more slowly, as if she wanted to avoid looking at the tattoos as long as possible.
“Give me a minute to pay,” I said.
The moment we were outside, I peeled back the bandages.
“Very cool! Cole will regret the day he let you get away,” Kat said. As we climbed into Reeve’s Porsche, she added, “I’m making it my life’s mission. Well, that, and torturing Frosty.”
I claimed the center of the backseat and buckled up. “Where are we going now?”
“To Reeve’s. Then you and I are going to Cole’s—uh, house, yes, to his house to work out,” Kat said. “You’re going to train me, as promised. No more treadmilling. And yes, I just turned a noun into a verb.”
“Train you?” Reeve eased the car into traffic. “For what? I mean, I know you guys have been working out a lot, but I’d had no idea there was a purpose to it.”
“Self-defense,” I replied. “Like what I did today.”
Kat nodded. “Only maybe not so hard-core.”
“I promised I’d teach you,” I said, flickers of dread lighting me up, “and I will. Just...not today.” I wanted to go home and wait for Emma.
“Well, I’d like to learn, too,” Reeve said.
“Uh...hmm.” I peered out the window, watching as cars whizzed past. Trees. Power lines. “I’d love to include you, but you’ll have to get permission from your dad first.”
Her brow furrowed. “He’ll say yes.”
Not even if she begged him.
“I mean, why would he say no? Especially after what happened today,” she added.
My gaze snagged on a cloud in the sky—a cloud cut in the shape of a rabbit. The zombies would invade tonight.