have tried to enjoy my last week in my childhood home. I also probably should have called my friends and mentioned that I would be moving in with my dad soon. But Mom had already called their parents to let them know about Nanna’s funeral, and the rest they would find out about once I was back at school next week.
Right now, I had zero desire to talk to anyone. Talking to my friends would mean lying about how Nanna really died and why I was moving in with my dad, and I was already crawling around under enough guilt as it was. While my best friend, Anne Albright, knew a little bit about the Clann’s abilities from helping Tristan ward off the algebra classmates I’d accidentally gaze dazed last year, she had no idea I was a dhampir, or even that vampires existed in the first place. My friends wouldn’t see it that way, but I knew without a doubt that the less they knew about the vampires and the Clann, the safer they would be.
As a result, the week passed quietly and much too quickly. Mom and I stayed busy packing up the house and putting it on the market. Mom had decided to sell the house and use the money for my college fund and to buy herself an RV so she could expand her sales territory. We’d thought, due to the lingering effects of the recession, that the house would take at least a few months to sell. But it found a new owner within days, to the surprise of Mom, me and the real estate agent. Apparently two companies had seen it on the internet the day the agent posted it and entered into a bidding war, driving the price up way higher than we’d set it. The winning bidder had also paid cash in full and skipped the usual house inspection so they could close within days instead of a month. Their only stipulation was that we vacate the premises as quickly as possible, apparently because they intended to put it on the rental market immediately.
All too soon, a stranger became the owner of our childhood home.
Later that week, we went to Tyler in Mom’s truck to do some serious RV shopping. Dad had tried to talk me out of going with Mom. But she’d insisted if I could be trusted to go to school with the Clann, then I could be trusted to go shopping with my own mother for the day. Dad had argued that going to school with descendants only put me in large classrooms with them, not tiny truck cabs. But Mom said that was ridiculous and she wasn’t discussing it any further with him.
Still, to be on the safe side, Mom took one of Nanna’s most recent dampening charms with her in her pocket, and for added measure I kept my window rolled down. Just in case.
Halfway to Tyler, I finally gave in to the curiosity that had been bugging me for days.
“Mom, did you ever go to the Circle when you were in the Clann?”
She made a face as if she’d just smelled a skunk. “Unfortunately, I spent half my childhood there. Not only is it the place where all the major Clann gatherings are held, but it’s also a safe place where elders can take descendants to train, especially the kids who are having a tough time learning to control their abilities. They’ve got a bunch of safeguards around it to keep out v—” She glanced at me. “I mean, outsiders, and to prevent descendants from accidentally setting the trees on fire or blowing up anything beyond its border. And believe me, I probably tested those wards more than all the other descendants combined.”
“Then how did Dad and I get past the wards?”
“Your Clann blood will always allow you to enter the Circle. And if you were there and even thought that your dad should be allowed in, then the wards there wouldn’t stop him, either. That’s how the wards were set up, so we could pick and choose which allies to allow in during times of danger.”
“So all I had to do was think ‘let Dad in’ and it did? There’s no magic words that have to be said first?”
“Nope, not usually. Clann magic is mostly based on willpower and focused intention, not fancy words or magical candles and herbs.” She blew out a noisy breath between her lips, making a sound like a horse so I would smile. “When I was your age, I would have given anything if only our abilities required eye of newt and hair of dog to work. Then I wouldn’t have had so much trouble controlling them.”
“Why not just do a spell on yourself to get rid of your abilities?” It seemed obvious to me. There must be some catch.
She burst out laughing. “Oh hon, don’t you think I thought of that already? I tried a million times as a teen! But there are some things that are fundamental to our nature and can’t be stopped with just willpower. Remember how Nanna gave you those special daily teas to hold off your puberty so we could try to prevent your vamp side from developing as long as possible? Remember how well that worked in the end?”
Did I ever. My body had ended up going to war with itself last year and I’d nearly died until Nanna’s spell-laced teas flushed out of my system.
“But what about Nanna’s bloodlust-dampening spell? Doesn’t it affect the fundamental nature of vamps?”
“In a way, yes. See, the vamp wards work on your brainwaves by putting out a kind of targeted energy field that interferes with certain frequencies of thought. But that’s almost like creating a sonar signal set to a frequency our ears can’t pick up. That’s not affecting anything on a cellular level.
“The bloodlust, however, isn’t about your mind or emotions—it’s in a vamp’s genetic coding to crave blood. So the bloodlust-dampening spell has to work on that same DNA level. And that is some deep magic. It’s like nothing the Clann normally teaches descendants nowadays. Which is why Nanna had to turn to the old ways from our Irish ancestors to find a way to make the dampening spell. She said there’s a reason the Clann doesn’t use the old ways anymore, because they’re too dangerous. She even hinted that she had to make some sort of personal sacrifice every time for it to work. That’s why she refused to write down the process or teach it to anyone. She was afraid other descendants would be desperate enough to try the spell regardless of the consequences.”
I stared out at the highway ahead, both my mind and my heart racing. Dr. Faulkner had said Nanna died of heart complications, that her heart had years worth of scar tissue on it. But she’d never told us she was having health problems.
Could her heart disease have been connected to the bloodlust-dampening spells she’d done for my parents for years, and later on our own home so I could continue to live with her and Mom safely?
No. No, I was already at fault enough for the Clann imprisoning Nanna in the Circle. My vamp side couldn’t be even more of a cause for her heart failure. She’d died because she’d fought against the Clann too hard that day, and because of the high cholesterol foods she ate, because she never exercised, because her genes had predisposed her to heart disease.
And yet…it fit, didn’t it? If she were giving up part of her life or her health in some way in order to overcome the vamp’s basic craving for powerful Clann blood, she wouldn’t tell her daughter what Mom’s love for Dad had cost. And she definitely wouldn’t discuss it with her half vamp granddaughter.
Oh God. Nanna, what did you do to yourself?
I stared out my open window, biting my knuckles to keep from crying out loud as tears slid down my cheeks. The guilt, ever present in my gut, rose up to claw at my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I couldn’t break down, not here, not now, when Mom was so excited about picking out the RV she’d always wanted. I’d already taken so much from her. I couldn’t ruin this day, too.
“You okay, hon?” Mom said. “You got awful quiet there all of a sudden.”
I cleared my throat, grateful the wind had dried the tears on my cheeks almost as soon as they fell, and forced a smile into my voice. “Sure! Just looking forward to seeing which RV you pick out.”
“So what’s with all the Clann questions today?”
I shrugged one shoulder. “You know, just…thinking about things.”
“Missing your Nanna?” Her murmur was low and heavy with sympathy, nearly causing more tears to spill from my eyes.
I nodded. Closing my eyes, I tried to make my mind go blank. And yet flashes of that day in the Circle still managed to slip through…all