always be made clear, usually by saying something like, “in my opinion…” or “in my way of thinking…” as a way to introduce the theme. This allows the opportunity for discussion and others to hold different views to your own.
The poorest form of communication is the overuse of assertions, as an assertion is an opinion pretending to be a fact. Because they are not prefaced by any sign that they are an opinion, the other person is encouraged to accept them as being true even if there is no hard evidence to support them.
Weak communicators use assertions in order to close down debate and discussion. They close off any room for the other person in the conversation to give their opinion. Managers who use assertions all the time soon find that they are surrounded by ‘yes people’ while never really finding out what is going on in their organizations.
Distinguish facts from your opinions in conversations by making it clear when it is ‘just your view’.
Good listening skills are a vital element of good communication and help to build business relationships, whether in a team or when selling to a client. Most people think they listen, but, if you watch them closely, they are really simply working out what they are going to say as soon as they get an opportunity in the conversation.
Lots of people listen with their ‘mouths’ rather than their ears. They are not really listening at all. They are simply looking for a chance to speak so they can take control of the conversation – this is called selective listening.
Why is this so? They probably assume that they have more interesting, intelligent, knowledgeable or relevant things to say than the other person. Or they are mentally editing or criticizing what the other person is saying, and prejudging the outcome of the conversation.
In contrast, when you actively listen, you don’t jump to conclusions about what the speaker is saying but try to see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Real listening is not passive. It takes focus and energy, but the pay off is much improved communication. These are some steps you can take to listen actively:
“Silence is a source of great strength” Laozi, Chinese sage
1 Use body language. When you actively listen, you show the person through speech and body language that you are listening. Use eye contact and your facial expressions and gestures to show that you are listening.
2 Be curious. Don’t prejudge what the speaker wants to say. Be interested. What is the outcome they want? What is their motivation? What is the real reason they are talking to you?
3 Summarize. Repeat back what you think the speaker has just said to you. For example, “What I have heard you say is XXX.” This gives the speaker the opportunity to clarify any misunderstood areas.
4 Clarify any abstract or fuzzy terms as you go along. This assists the speaker to recognize any gaps in the information that they are giving you. You can say, “This is what I am hearing you saying? Is this right?”
5 Be silent when necessary. Silence is an important part of listening. Silences in the conversation give the other person time to explore and express their thoughts fully.
Listen actively and focus on the speaker’s message without prejudging the conversation.
Not enough people ask effective questions. Precise questions allow you to understand problems in a team or with your client, find out what’s going on beneath the surface, defuse problem situations before they fully arise, get people to cooperate with you, find out important information, negotiate and persuade people to help and support you.
If you want to improve your communication in any business situation, then become a great questioner. You can become much more effecive in many situations by asking the right questions. This is particularly useful in challenging situations, such as if a mistake has been made or if you want to get others to agree to an idea or proposal.
Powerful questions are generally open-ended, thought-provoking or probing. This means they can’t be answered with a simple yes or no answer.
‘What’ and ‘how’ questions draw out the other person and are most likely to get them to reveal their real opinions. Here are some examples you can use again and again:
“Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom”
Chip Bell, American writer
Information-seeking questions. These draw out additional information from the other person. “What do you mean by…?”, “Tell me more about…?”, “What else?”
Exploratory questions. These allow someone to think about different approaches: “Could you approach this in a different way?” “What are the possibilities here?”, “What are the opportunities here?”
Identifying a problem. “What seems to be the problem?”, “What is stopping you from…?”, “What is your main block?”, “What worries you most about…?”, “How do you feel about…?”
Outcome questions. “What outcome do you want?”, “If you have this, how will it effect you?”, “What other factors do you need to consider?”
Clarification. “What do you mean by…?”, “Could you put that another way?”, “Can you give me an example?”
Action. “What will you do?”, “When will you do it?”, “How will I know you did it?”, “What are your next steps?”
Response to ideas. “How does that sound to you?”, “What benefits do you think you will gain from…?”, “Does that answer the issue?”
Effective questioning combined with active listening form a fundamental set of communication skills for business.
Think about the people you work with. You’ll probably find that there are two types: big picture people and detail people. Big picture people like to hear little detail. Detail people don’t like discussing abstract concepts. Each type will only really take in what you say to them effectively if you communicate in the right-sized ‘chunk’ of detail.
The simplest way to think about this is that these two different types of thinkers process information in distinct ways. This is important to know and recognize if you want to influence other people with your communication.
Once you know the difference is there, look out for signs of how much detail or abstract information a person appears to be able to process, and respond flexibly in your communication.
Big picture people. Another term for big picture people is ‘global thinkers’. If you are communicating information to a global thinker, stop giving lots of detailed information and focus on the big picture. If you focus too much on detail, they will rapidly become bored or overwhelmed, and fail to either understand what you are saying or be
one minute wonder Your flexibility in communication will make an enormous difference to your effectiveness. Do you know what level of detail you like to communicate most? If you know your habits, you can challenge yourself to become a more flexible communicator.
influenced by you. The best thing to say to a