knew it. Yet someone still had to do the job, and Ulla seemed to be the therapist who felt most content with her role. And that in turn made Laila feel calmer about being with her, even though she knew the conversation would never lead anywhere.
‘You seem to look forward to Erica Falck’s visits,’ said Ulla now, startling Laila. This was a new topic. Not one of the usual, familiar subjects that they danced around. She felt her hands start to shake as they lay on her lap. She didn’t like new questions. Ulla was aware of this and she fell silent, waiting for a reply.
Aware that her usual replies, which she could rattle off in her sleep, wouldn’t suffice, Laila couldn’t decide whether to respond or keep quiet.
‘It’s something different,’ she said at last, hoping that would be enough. But Ulla seemed unusually persistent today. Like a dog refusing to let go of a bone.
‘In what way? Do you mean it’s a break from the daily routines here? Or something else?’
Laila clasped her hands to keep them still. She found the questions confusing. She hadn’t a clue what she was hoping to achieve by meeting with Erica. She could have gone on declining Erica’s repeated requests to visit her. She could have gone on living in her own world while the years slowly passed and the only thing that changed was her face in the mirror. But how could she do that now that evil had forced its way in? Now that she realized it wasn’t simply a matter of taking new victims. Now that it was happening so close.
‘I like Erica,’ said Laila. ‘And of course her visits are a break from all the dreariness.’
‘I think there’s more to it than that,’ said Ulla, pressing her chin to her chest as she studied Laila. ‘You know what she wants. She wants to hear about what we’ve tried to talk about so many times. What you don’t want to discuss.’
‘That’s her problem. No one is forcing her to come here.’
‘True,’ said Ulla. ‘But I can’t help wondering whether deep down you’d like to tell Erica everything and in that way lighten the burden. She seems to have somehow reached you, while the rest of us have failed, in spite of all our attempts.’
Laila didn’t answer. They had tried so often, but she wasn’t sure she could have told them even if she had wanted to. It was too overwhelming. And besides, where should she begin? With their first meeting, with the evil that grew, with that last day when it happened? What sort of starting point could she possibly choose so that someone else would understand what even she found inexplicable?
‘Is it possible that you’ve fallen into a pattern with us, that you’ve kept everything inside for so long that you just can’t let it out?’ asked Ulla, tilting her head to one side. Laila wondered whether psychologists were taught to adopt that pose. Every therapist she’d ever met did the same thing.
‘What does it matter now? It was all so long ago.’
‘Yes, but you’re still here. And I think in part that’s your own doing. You don’t seem to have any desire to lead a normal life outside these prison walls.’
If Ulla only knew how right she was. Laila did not want to live outside of the prison; she had no idea how she would manage that. But that wasn’t the whole truth. She didn’t dare. She didn’t dare live in the same world as the evil she had seen close-up. The prison was the only place where she felt safe. Perhaps it wasn’t much of a life, but it was hers, and the only one she knew.
‘I don’t want to talk any more,’ said Laila, standing up.
Ulla’s gaze didn’t waver, seeming to go right through her. Laila hoped not. There were certain things she hoped no one would ever see.
Normally it was Dan who took the girls to the stable, but today he was busy at work, so Anna had driven them there instead. She felt a childish joy that Dan had asked her to step in, that he had asked her anything at all. But she wished she could have avoided the stable. She had a deep-seated dislike of horses. The big animals frightened her. It was a fear stemming from her childhood when she had been forced to take riding lessons. Her mother Elsy had decided that she and Erica should learn to ride, leading to two years’ torment for both sisters. It had been a mystery to Anna why the other girls at the stable were so obsessed with horses. Personally she found them totally unreliable, and her pulse would still race at the memory of how it felt to cling to a rearing animal. No doubt the horses could sense her fear from far away, but that made no difference. Right now she was thinking of simply dropping off Emma and Lisen and then retreating to a safe distance.
‘Tyra!’ Emma jumped out of the car and rushed over to a girl walking across the yard. She threw herself at Tyra, who gathered her up and swung her around.
‘You’ve grown tall since the last time I saw you! Soon you’ll be taller than me,’ said Tyra with a smile. Emma’s face lit up with joy. Tyra was her favourite of the girls who were always hanging about the riding school. She was devoted to her.
Anna went over to them. Lisen had run straight into the stable as soon as she got out of the car. She wouldn’t reappear until it was time to go home.
‘How are you feeling today?’ she asked, patting Tyra on the shoulder.
‘Awful,’ said Tyra. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and she looked as though she hadn’t slept.
From the other side of the yard someone approached in the fading afternoon light, and Anna saw that it was Marta Persson.
‘Hi,’ she said as Marta came closer. ‘How’s it going?’
She had always found Marta to be incredibly attractive, with her sharp features, high cheekbones, and dark hair, but today she looked tired and worn out.
‘Things are a bit chaotic,’ replied Marta curtly. ‘Where’s Dan? You don’t usually come here voluntarily.’
‘He had to work overtime. They’re having teacher evaluations this week.’
Dan was at heart a fisherman, but since fishing could not provide him with a living in Fjällbacka, he had taken a teaching job in Tanumshede years ago to supplement his income. The fishing had gradually become a sideline, but he struggled to earn enough so he could at least hold on to his boat.
‘Isn’t it time for the girls’ lesson?’ asked Anna, glancing at her watch. It was almost five.
‘It’s going to be a shorter lesson today. Jonas and I feel it’s important to tell the girls about Victoria. You’re welcome to stay if you like. It might be nice for Emma to have you here.’
Marta headed indoors. They followed her into the conference room and sat down along with the other girls. Lisen was already there, and she gave Anna a sombre look.
Marta and Jonas stood next to each other, waiting for the buzz of voices to die down.
‘I’m sure you’ve all heard about what happened,’ Marta began. Everyone nodded.
‘Victoria is dead,’ said Tyra quietly. Big tears ran down her cheeks, and she wiped them on her shirt sleeve.
Marta didn’t seem to know what else to say, but then she took a deep breath and went on.
‘Yes, that’s right. Victoria died in hospital yesterday. We know that you’ve all been very worried about her, that you’ve missed Victoria. The fact that it should end like this … well, it’s terrible.’
Anna saw Marta turn to her husband for support. Jonas nodded and then spoke.
‘It’s terribly difficult for any of us to understand how something like this could happen. I suggest that we hold a minute’s silence to honour Victoria and her family. It’s worse for them than for anyone else right now, and I want them to know that we’re thinking of them.’ He fell silent and bowed his head.
Everyone followed his example. The clock in the conference room ticked quietly, and when the minute was up, Anna opened her eyes. All the girls were looking scared and anxious.
Marta