a bun at the back of her neck. It could have looked old-fashioned or even spinsterish, but not on her.
She had moved like a dancer, although she had abandoned her career as a dancer long ago. She claimed that she hadn’t been ambitious enough. Not because of lack of talent, but she hadn’t had the determination required always to put dance first, to sacrifice love and time and laughter and friends. She had loved life too much.
So she’d stopped dancing. But when they met, and right up until the end, she’d still had the lithe rhythm of a dancer in her body. He could sit and stare at her for hours. Watch her walking around the house, cleaning up and humming while her feet moved so gracefully that she looked like she was floating.
Again he pressed the dress to his face. How refreshing and cool the fabric felt against his feverishly hot skin, catching on the unshaven stubble of his cheek. The last time she had worn the dress was on Midsummer Eve. The blue of the dress had mirrored the colour of her eyes, and the dark plait hanging down her back had gleamed as brightly as the lustrous fabric.
It was a fabulous evening. One of the few Midsummers that had offered glorious sunshine, and they’d sat outside in the yard, eating herring and boiled new potatoes. They had cooked the meal together. The baby was lying in the pram, with the mosquito netting firmly in place so that no insects could get in. The child was well protected.
The baby’s name fluttered past, and he gave a start, as if he’d jabbed his hand on something sharp. He forced himself to think about the frosty beer glasses and the friends who had raised those glasses in a toast, in honour of summer and love and the two of them. He thought about the strawberries that she brought out in a big bowl. Remembered how she had sat at the kitchen table, cleaning them, and how he had teased her because of the mess she’d made and the fact that every third or fourth strawberry had ended up in her mouth instead of in the bowl. The serving bowl that would later be presented to their guests, along with whipped cream topped with a sprinkling of sugar, just the way she’d been taught by her grandmother. She’d responded to his teasing with a laugh, then pulled him close and kissed him with lips that tasted of ripe berries.
He began to sob as he sat there holding the dress in his hands. He couldn’t help it. Little dark spots appeared on the material from his tears, which he quickly wiped away on the sleeve of his shirt, not wanting to soil the dress, refusing to ruin what little he had left.
Christian carefully put the dress back in the suitcase. It was all that remained of them. The only thing he could bear to keep. He closed up the suitcase and pushed it back in the corner. He didn’t want Sanna to find it. His stomach turned over at the mere thought of her opening it, looking inside, and touching the dress. He knew it was wrong, but he had chosen Sanna for only one reason: the fact that she was completely different in appearance. She didn’t have lips that tasted of strawberries, and she didn’t move like a dancer.
But it turned out not to be enough. The past had still caught up with him. Just as malevolently as it had caught up with her, wearing that blue dress. And now he could see no way out.
‘Could you watch Leo for a while?’ Paula was looking at her mother, Rita, but then she cast an even more hopeful glance at Mellberg. Soon after their son’s birth, both she and Johanna had realized that Rita’s new boyfriend was the perfect babysitter. Mellberg was totally incapable of saying no.
‘Well, we were actually about to …’ Rita began, but Mellberg jumped in and said eagerly:
‘No problem. We’ll be happy to take care of the little fellow. The two of you should just go off and do whatever you were planning to do.’
Rita sighed in resignation, but she couldn’t resist casting a look of appreciation at this man – a diamond in the rough, and that was putting it mildly – whom she’d chosen to live with. She knew that many people regarded him as a boor, an unkempt and brash sort of man. But from the very beginning she’d seen other qualities in him, qualities that she as a woman should be able to encourage.
And she was right. Bertil Mellberg treated her like a queen. It was enough for Rita to see him looking at her grandson to know what hidden resources he possessed. His love for the infant was beyond comprehension. The only problem was that she had swiftly been demoted to second place, but she could live with that. Besides, she’d begun making progress with Bertil on the dance floor. He’d never be a salsa king, but she no longer had to make sure to wear shoes with steel toes.
‘If you wouldn’t mind taking care of him on your own for a while, maybe Mamma could come with us. We were thinking of driving out to Torp to buy a few things for Leo’s room.’
‘Hand him over,’ said Bertil enthusiastically, motioning at the baby lying in Paula’s arms. ‘We can manage for a couple of hours. A bottle or two when he gets hungry, and then a little quality time spent with Grandpa Bertil. What more could the boy ask for?’
Paula put her son in Mellberg’s arms. Good lord, what an odd couple those two made. But she couldn’t deny that there was a special connection between them. Even though, in her eyes, Bertil Mellberg was the worst boss she could imagine, he’d shown himself to be the world’s best grandfather.
‘So you’re sure you’ll be all right?’ asked Rita, a bit uneasy. Even though Bertil often helped out with Leo, his experience of caring for babies was limited, to say the least. His own son, Simon, was already a teenager by the time he made an appearance in Mellberg’s life.
‘Of course I’m sure,’ said Bertil, sounding offended. ‘Eat, shit, sleep. How hard could it be? I’ve been doing exactly the same things for almost sixty years.’ He more or less shoved the women out of the flat and then closed the door behind them. Now they’d have some peace and quiet, he and Leo.
Two hours later he was completely soaked with sweat. Leo was crying at the top of his lungs, and the smell of dirty nappies had settled over the living room like a fog. Grandpa Bertil was desperately trying to lull the baby to sleep, but Leo just cried louder and louder. Mellberg’s hair, which was usually combed over into a neat nest on top of his head, had tumbled down over his right ear, and he could feel the sweat spreading under his arms in patches as big as platters.
He was close to panicking, and he cast a sidelong glance at his mobile phone lying on the coffee table. Should he ring the girls? They were probably still in Torp, and it would take them a good forty-five minutes to drive home, even if they started out at once. And if he phoned for help, they might not dare leave him alone with their son again. No, he was going to have to find a way to cope on his own. He’d wrestled with quite a few ugly customers in his day. He’d also had to fire his weapon in the line of duty, and deal with demented junkies wielding knives. So he should be able to handle this situation. After all, Leo wasn’t any bigger than a loaf of bread, even though he had a voice loud enough for a grown man.
‘Okay, now, my boy, first we need to analyse the situation,’ said Mellberg, putting down the furious baby. ‘Let’s see. Looks like you’ve made a mess in your nappy. And you’re probably hungry. In other words, we’ve got a crisis at both ends. It’s just a matter of which one to prioritize.’ Mellberg was talking loudly, in order to drown out the screaming. ‘Okay, eating always comes first – at least, for me it does. So let’s find you a big bottle of formula.’
Bertil lifted Leo up and carried him into the kitchen. He’d been given detailed instructions on how to make the formula and, using the microwave, it took no time at all. He carefully tested the temperature by sucking a little from the bottle himself.
‘Hmmm, doesn’t really taste of much, my boy. But you’ll just have to wait for the good stuff until you’re a bit older.’
Leo screamed even louder at the sight of the bottle, so Bertil sat down at the kitchen table and nestled the infant in his left arm. When the nipple touched Leo’s lips, he began greedily sucking the formula into his stomach. He finished off the whole bottle in a flash, and Mellberg could feel the tiny body relaxing. But soon the boy began squirming again, and the odour was now so strong that Mellberg couldn’t stand it any longer. The only problem was that changing nappies wasn’t a task that he’d managed very successfully so far.