I didn’t want to think that far ahead. I didn’t want to think about any of it at all. I grumbled under my breath as Saint took a step back so I could close the door.
“I’ll call you Monday after I talk to the shrink, if I do, and I’ll tell Dom you said hello.”
“Dominic loves you no matter what, you know.”
I nodded, and for the second time that afternoon I felt tears well up in my eyes. “That’s what makes all of this so much worse. I’ll talk to you later.”
She gave a little wave and headed over to her own little Jetta that would heat up and defrost a million times faster than my old tank. I could afford something newer and sleeker but the 4Runner had been with me since I was a teenager and there were so many good memories tied to it I couldn’t stomach the idea of letting it go.
Dom did love me and I loved him. He was everything to me. He was my guiding light, my voice of reason, Dom was without a doubt my hero, and more than that he was the one that always was there to remind me that I had a purpose beyond being a pretty face. If it hadn’t been for Dom, there was a good chance I would have bought into my own hype early on when it became clear that the genetic gods had been giving with both hands when it came to my physical attributes. Dom was always the one that reminded me I was worth so much more than being a piece of arm candy or mindless fluff. I was smart, I was capable, and I wanted to make a difference. If I hadn’t had Dom to believe in me, to push me, I never would have reached the goals I set for myself. If it wasn’t for Dom reminding me of my worth, there was a good chance I could have ended up just like my mother.
The very thought made me shiver.
I loved my mom, I really did, but I had zero patience for her deplorable choices and the way she burned through men like it was a competitive sport. My mom had always been more like a best friend than a parent. She loved me unconditionally, I was her whole world, but I wasn’t enough to fill up the hole that was left when my father didn’t leave his wife to be a family with us. My mom never got over the rejection, and as a result was constantly chasing down true love and looking for validation from men in all the wrong places.
My mother was a stunner, so I came by my good looks naturally. She was also an habitual adulterer and had been through so many marriages and relationships that I stopped counting before I got out of my teens. When I was younger I thought it was embarrassing and it made me uncomfortable. As I got older I realized she simply wasn’t happy, had never been happy, and as much as she loved me and doted on me, I was never going to be enough to fill the void she had in her heart. I learned to accept the relationship we had, not ask questions, and just tried to support her like she had always supported me. Even if the majority of her decisions when it came to the opposite sex made me squirm in my seat, I loved the mom I had, every flighty, flirty inch of her.
It was because of Dom and not my mother that I excelled. I strove for greatness and I had reached every goal I had ever set for myself. And now, because of me, he was laid up, full of holes and broken. It was absolutely unfair to him and I had no clue how I was supposed to ever make it up to him.
The hospital parking lot felt like it was a million miles wide as I trudged across it in the cold. By the time I hit the sliding doors my fingers were numb and my uncovered ears were burning from the wind. I felt like an idiot because I didn’t even know what floor Dom was on or what room he was in. Some best friend I turned out to be. Shame settled heavy and thick on my shoulders and I really had to fight the urge to turn around and go back home and bury my head under the covers.
The person at the reception desk found Dom’s information for me and I took the elevator up to the correct floor. I didn’t have to worry about finding his room because both of his sisters were lingering in the hallway as if they were waiting specifically for me.
All the Vosses had beautiful dark hair and eyes in various shades of green. Ariella was the youngest of the three siblings and she was a firecracker. Greer, the oldest and the most reserved of the group, snatched me up in a hug that shocked me into stillness as soon as I reached them.
“We’ve been so worried about you. You haven’t called or shown your face. No one knew what happened to you or how you were handling the investigation. I thought Ari was going to have to sit on Dom to keep him in that hospital bed after the first week when you were a no-show.”
I groaned and hugged her back. I couldn’t believe how selfish and thoughtless I was behaving.
“I just …” I trailed off as Ari rolled her eyes at me.
“You were being an asshole.”
Greer snapped her sister’s name, but I squeezed her hand and nodded at Ari. “I was. I’ve never let Dom down before and I was having a hard time with it.” Was implied I had moved past it, but they didn’t need to know that was a big fat lie.
Ari gave me a hard look but inclined her head toward the open door a few steps down the hallway. “He’s been waiting to see you for forever. We’re going run to his apartment and make sure it’s all ready for him. He’s gonna be wheelchair-bound for the next three or four weeks. Greer and I are going to alternate weeks with him until he’s okay to be on his own.”
I blinked dumbly. Dom was a big hunk of beefcake. He was tall and powerful, in amazing shape, and had always been the most capable man I had ever known. The idea of him in a wheelchair and needing help with day-to-day living made the cement block that lived in my guts now get five times heavier.
“I can help. Just let me know what you need.” I sounded kind of strangled and strained to my own ears.
“You’ll be back to work soon. Ari and I got it. Besides it’s payback for all the times he took care of us growing up.”
Dom’s dad had been on the job when they were growing up. He was a patrol cop until a confrontation with an armed robber had gone awry and the Vosses had suddenly found themselves burying the patriarch of the family well before his time. Dom had instantly stepped in to fill his old man’s shoes like any good son was bound to do. The fact that he had taken it as far as going into law enforcement just like his dad was still a sore spot for his mom.
I cleared my throat and fought the urge to fiddle with my hair nervously. “Dom has always taken care of me, too.”
Greer sighed, grabbed my shoulders, and turned me so I was facing the room.
“Right, he has, and we both know what he wants is for you to go back to work. He’s not going to be able to for Lord knows how long, so he’s going to have to live vicariously through you for a while, Royal. What he’s always wanted for you is for you to live up to your full potential. Don’t let this knock you down after how hard you’ve worked to build yourself up.”
If only it was that easy. I inhaled deeply and took the step I had been avoiding for two weeks.
He was propped up in the bed, dark hair mussed all over his head. His green eyes were locked on the doorway, obviously watching for me. His big body was all wrapped up in plaster and bandages. His handsome face was dark with irritation and a scruff of beard that was pretty impressive. He looked terrible and wonderful all at the same time. I was so lucky that he was still alive and I wasn’t the one having to tell his family that they had lost another person they loved to the job.
I couldn’t help it, the waterworks started up. I really wasn’t much of a crier, but something inside of me was wrong, off, or not working right. The tears leaked out and Dom reached out his uninjured arm slowly, the small movement obviously hurting him.
I bolted to the side of the bed and let him tug me softly to his side. I felt his lips touch the top of my head and his broad chest rumbled as he told me, “’Bout damn time.”
All I could do was whisper back, “I know.”
I should have been here all along, or even more accurately, I should have been the one lying in this hospital bed all along. How was Dom ever going to forgive me if I knew there was never going to be a time when I could forgive myself?