They stayed like that for a few more minutes. Millie hunched over her bowl and Adam just being there, with a hand on her back. Had she been ill all day? Or for longer? Adam hadn’t noticed anything earlier, but they also hadn’t exactly been spending a lot of time together.
Adam moved his hand from her back to stroke her hair away from her face. He incorporated wiping a palm across her forehead into the motion. She didn’t feel feverish.
“I don’t have a fever.” Millie’s voice was hoarse, and she wasn’t looking up at him.
“Did you eat something spoiled?” He and the children were just fine, so that was unlikely.
“I’m fine. Please, just leave me alone.”
Adam winced at the hoarseness in her voice. She was not fine.
“It will take me a while to go get the doctor. I’ll leave just as soon as I think you’ll be okay alone.”
“I’m all right alone. I’m always alone and always all right.”
Adam flinched back at the force of her words. He put his hand back, trying to figure out how to get her to calm down. So far, he was only riling her up more.
“Okay. It’s okay. Just try to calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. I told you I’m not sick.” Millie had moved from despair to flat-out grumpy. Her mood swings were giving Adam a headache. He decided the best course of action was to keep quiet and just be here.
A few minutes later, Millie sat up all the way. She set the bowl down on the floor on the opposite side of where Adam was crouching. Then, she hunched back over and rested her face in her hands.
Adam saw a pitcher of water and a toweling cloth on top of the chest. He stood up and walked over to it. After wetting the cloth, he came back down to her side. When she looked up, Adam took the cloth and wiped her face, trying to both refresh and comfort her. She reached up and put her hands over his. Took the towel out of his hands.
“I’m sorry. I was rude to you.”
“It’s okay.”
“You say that a lot.”
“Say what?”
“That it’s okay. You’re always telling me that it’s okay.”
She had a point, but he wasn’t sorry. “That’s because I think everything will be okay.”
Millie just gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. Then, she took the cloth and wiped her face again, much rougher than Adam had. She started to stand, and Adam reached out and placed his hands over hers.
“You should rest a few minutes longer.”
“Well, to use your favorite words, I’m okay, Adam.”
“Millie. People who are okay do not get sick like that.”
“They do if they’re pregnant.”
Oh. Of course. Adam had been through this before. Twice. He should have known.
“You look surprised. Didn’t Sarah ever get sick while carrying?”
“She did. Just never this late into her pregnancy.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect it to last this long either.”
Adam clenched his jaw to stop his smile. Millie sounded decidedly put out. It was kind of cute. “How long have you been getting sick?”
“Oh, about every day for forever.”
Yep. She was definitely not feeling any kind of glow. “Why didn’t you say anything? I could have helped out more if I had known.”
Millie stood up, brushed her hands down her apron. “It wasn’t worth mentioning. It’s just part of life. I am perfectly capable of handling anything this baby throws my way.” She moved over and picked up the chamber pot. “If you’ll excuse me, I want to clean this up and then go to bed. I’m tired.”
Millie started to hurry out of the room. She stopped, turned and looked at him. “Thank you for being concerned. I left the stew on for you.”
“Thanks. I’m famished.”
Left alone in her room, Adam breathed out a long sigh. He opened her window, hoping she would appreciate the fresh air when she returned. Feeling foolish standing there and waiting for some unknown something, he headed to the kitchen and dished up a bowl of Millie’s stew. Millie came back in the front door with a cleaned-out chamber pot. She gave Adam a small smile and went inside her room, closing her door behind her.
Adam ate the delicious stew with a slice of thick bread Millie must have made earlier in the day. He found himself thinking about that life inside Millie’s womb with a smile. His regrets about his first wife seemed to be endless, but his children were nowhere on the list. He cherished every moment his children had been in his life, including his wife’s pregnancies.
And now, he was going to be a father again. He’d been so focused on keeping his distance from Millie and being a good father to his children that he’d missed something so very obvious. He couldn’t do both. He could not be distant from Millie and love his children because one of his children was currently inside of Millie. And, Millie was the mother of his children.
He had sought out a mother for them, had brought her here. She was not an unrelated person he could keep on the sidelines. She was integral to his family.
He needed her.
He thought of Millie as being a person who needed safety and reassurance, but Adam was the exact same. He wanted more than a mother for his children. He wanted a partner. Out there. On his farm. But he was afraid Millie would see his need and refuse to stay by his side. That she would feel stifled or trapped. That she would be Sarah. Again.
Yes, Adam needed Millie to have the life he wanted. The companionship he was craving. That meant he needed to start doing his part. But how could he connect with his wife and build the foundation for a strong partnership without risking his heart again?
To Do:
Learn about drought
Find time to knit more—figure out how to sell the items
Come up with a way to hide part of my knitting proceeds without Adam noticing
Check crops—see if they look dry
Check cattle—see if they look thirsty
Learn what not dry crops look like
Learn what not thirsty cattle look like
Talk to Edith? Is she worried?
Find out if Adam has savings
“What are you working on?”
Millie quickly put down her pencil and closed her notebook. Too late she realized that was acting like someone guilty of, well, something. Great. Adam was going to think she was plotting his demise if she didn’t figure out how to be less secretive.
But, she couldn’t help it. Her notebook was hers. Her lists were hers. They had always been the one thing that had belonged entirely to her. The matron and other kids at The Home had often taken her belongings. One of the first rules of surviving in that place was to not get too closely attached to things. Various items were there for her to use, but they were temporary. They were not hers.
Except for her notebook and lists. No one had ever been interested in taking them away from her. Honestly, most children tried to avoid things related to writing. To school. So, her notebook had been safe.
And now Adam was asking her about it and she was acting like a lunatic.
“It’s