The Mince Pie Mix-Up. Jennifer Joyce

you two please just be quiet for five minutes? You’re giving me a headache.’ Calvin couldn’t wait until this mess was sorted out. Perhaps the doctor could prescribe a pill to take the crazy away.

      ‘But Mummy, Scott keeps prodding me and it hurts.’

      ‘I am not. She’s just being a baby.’

      ‘I’m not being a baby. You’re being a big poo-poo-head. Ow! Mummy! Scott pinched me.’

      ‘No, I didn’t.’

      Calvin thought about kicking himself out of the car and walking the rest of the way home. Alone.

      ‘Please. I’m begging you to act like civilised people and stop arguing and pinching and everything else that’s going on back there.’ Calvin took a quick look in his mirror to see if his children had listened. Scott was picking at a patch of dried-on dirt on his shin while Charlie was wafting her hands and humming a now all too familiar tune from the upcoming Christmas show. It seemed they’d taken in his plea and had granted him a reprieve from their bickering.

      It lasted for a whole thirty-two seconds before all hell broke loose in the back seat of the car. Calvin jabbed at the radio to drown them out as there was clearly no reasoning with them. Elton John’s ‘Step into Christmas’ blasted into the car. Calvin didn’t want to step into Christmas. He wanted to step into his house and park his arse in his chair with the newspaper.

      They finally made it back to the village – again – and Calvin had never been so grateful to see his house. He was already mentally kicking off his shoes and opening his newspaper. But he didn’t get the chance to do either as Judy insisted he turn right back around again, reminding him about the shopping list lodged in his pocket.

      Charlie was super-excited when Judy suggested they go to the bookshop on the green for story time. Judy was quite surprised the dream had yet to end, but she wasn’t going to complain. Layering Charlie up in her coat and woolly hat, scarf and gloves, they headed out into the cold.

      ‘Are you sure you don’t want to come?’ Judy asked Scott before she shut the door. ‘We’re going to get hot chocolates. Maybe even a cake?’

      Scott looked as though Judy had just suggested they strip off their clothes and climb the giant Christmas tree on the green. ‘Er, no. I’m going to band practice in a bit.’

      ‘Do you want a lift?’ Charlie was hopping from foot to foot and tugging on Judy’s arm, eager to get to their festive activity but Judy was feeling guilty at leaving her son behind.

      Scott looked suspicious. ‘Why?’

      ‘Why not?’

      ‘Because you’re always telling me you’re not a taxi service?’ Scott suggested.

      ‘I do not say that!’ Judy cried before realising that she was Calvin now and therefore probably did say that. Quite a lot. ‘Not often.’

      ‘You say it all the time. Anyway, I’m getting a lift off Jack’s dad.’ Scott gave a shrug and wandered away, leaving Judy staring into an empty hallway.

      ‘Bye then,’ Judy called before closing and locking the door and giving in to Charlie’s demand to come on before we miss it!

      Story time, Judy assured her daughter, wasn’t for another hour so they headed across to The Green Teapot, where Judy ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream and a gingerbread Christmas tree with green icing and gold edible balls for Charlie and a cup of tea for herself. She thought having a cake herself was a bit greedy after eating a croissant that morning but then she remembered that a) she was in Calvin’s body and therefore it would be his problem afterwards and b) this was a dream so the calories wouldn’t count.

      ‘And I’ll have a gingerbread macaroon, please.’

      Judy joined Charlie at the table she’d chosen by the window. Outside, the green was still glistening slightly from the morning’s frost.

      ‘I know your mummy,’ the man at the neighbouring table was telling Charlie as Judy approached.

      ‘Do you?’ Charlie asked and the man nodded.