took a deep breath and went down the hall. But her hands trembled when she opened the back door and walked outside. She hadn’t realized how much she was going to miss Gil Callister until she was out of his life. Now she had to decide whether or not to risk going back. It wasn’t going to be an easy decision.
Chapter Nine
Gil was sitting on the small wooden bench overlooking the rock-bordered oval fishpond, his elbows resting on his knees as he peered down thoughtfully into the clear water where water lilies bloomed in pink and yellow profusion. He looked tired, Kasie thought, watching him covertly. Maybe he’d been away on business and not on holiday with Pauline after all.
He looked up when he heard her footsteps. He got to his feet. He looked elegant even in that yellow polo shirt and beige slacks, she thought. He wasn’t at all handsome, but his face was masculine and he had a mouth that she loved kissing. She averted her eyes until she was able to control the sudden impulse to run to him. Wouldn’t that shock him, she thought sadly.
He looked wary, and he wasn’t smiling. He studied her for a long time, as if he’d forgotten what she looked like and wanted to absorb every detail of her.
“How are the girls?” she asked quietly. “Is Bess going to be all right?”
“Bess is fine,” he replied. “She told me everything.” He grimaced. “Even Pauline admitted that she’d told you to go and have lunch with what’s-his-name, and she’d watch the girls. She said she slipped and tripped Bess. I imagine it’s the truth. She’s never been much of a liar, regardless of her faults,” he returned, his voice flat, without expression. “They told me you phoned the hospital to make sure Bess was all right.”
“I was worried,” she said, uneasy.
He toyed with the change in his pocket, making it jingle. “Bess wanted you, in the hospital. When I told her you’d gone home, she and Jenny both started crying.” The memory tautened his face. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I blamed you.”
She’d never wanted to believe anything as much as that apology. But it was still disturbing that he’d accused her without proof, that he’d assumed Bess’s accident was her fault. She wanted to go back in the house. But that wouldn’t solve the problem. She had to try and forget. He was here and he’d apologized. They had to go from there. “It’s all right,” she said after a minute, her eyes on the fish instead of him. “I understand. You can’t help it that you don’t like me.”
“Don’t…like you?” he asked. The statement surprised him.
She toyed with the hem of her shirt. “You never wanted to hire me in the first place, really,” she continued. “You looked at me as if you hated me the minute you saw me.”
His eyes were thoughtful. “Did I?” He didn’t want to pursue that line of conversation. It was too new, too disturbing, after having realized how he felt about her. “Why do you call your aunt Mama Luke?” he asked to divert her.
“Because when I was five, I couldn’t manage Sister Mary Luke Bernadette,” she replied. “She was Mama Luke from then on.”
He winced. “That’s a young age to lose both parents.”
That’s why I know how Bess and Jenny feel,” she told him.
His expelled breath was audible. “I’ve made a hell of a mess of it, haven’t I, Kasie?” he asked somberly. “I jumped to the worst sort of conclusions.”
She moved awkwardly to the other side of the fishpond and wrapped her arms around her body. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I knew you didn’t trust Pauline to take care of the girls, but I let myself be talked into leaving them with her. You were right. Bess could have drowned and it would have been my fault.”
“Stick the knife right in, don’t be shy,” he said through his teeth. His blue eyes glittered. “God knows, I deserve it.”
Her eyes met his, wide with curiosity. “I don’t understand.”
She probably didn’t. “Never mind.” He stuck his hands into his pockets. “I fired Pauline.”
“But…!”
“It wasn’t completely because of what happened in Nassau. I need someone full-time,” he interrupted. “She only wanted the job in the first place so that she could be near me.”
The breeze blew her hair across her mouth. She pushed it back behind her ear. “That must have been flattering.”
“It was, at first,” he agreed, “I’ve known Pauline for a long time, and her attention was flattering. However, regardless of how Bess fell into the water, Pauline didn’t make a move to rescue her. I can’t get over that.”
Kasie understood. She’d have been in the pool seconds after Bess fell in, despite the fact that she couldn’t swim.
His piercing blue eyes caught hers. “Yes, I know. You’d have been right in after her,” he said softly, as if he’d read the thought in her mind. “Even if you’d had to be rescued as well,” he added gently.
“People react differently to desperate situations,” she said.
“Indeed they do.” His eyes narrowed. “I want you to come back. So do the girls. I’ll do whatever it takes. An apology, a raise in salary, a paid vacation to Tahiti…”
She shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind coming back,” she said. “I do miss the girls, terribly. But…”
“But, what?”
She met his level gaze. “You don’t trust me,” she said simply, and her eyes were sad. “At first you thought I was trying to get to you through the girls, and then you thought I wanted them out of the way. In Nassau, you thought I left them alone for selfish reasons, so that I could go on a lunch date.” She smiled sadly. “You have a bad opinion of me as a governess. What if I mess up again? Maybe it would be better if we just left things the way they are.”
The remark went through him like hot lead. He hadn’t trusted Kasie because she was so mysterious about her past. Now that he knew the truth about her, knew of the tragedies she’d suffered in her young life, lack of trust was no longer going to be a problem. But how did he tell her that? And, worse, how did he make up for the accusations he’d made? Perhaps he could tell her the truth.
“The girls’ last governess was almost too good to be true,” he began. “She charmed the girls, and me, until we’d have believed anything she told us. It was all an act. She had marriage in mind, and she actually threatened me with my own children. She said they were so attached to her that if I didn’t marry her, she’d leave and they’d hate me.”
She blinked. “That sounds as if she was a little unbalanced.”
He nodded, his eyes cold with remembered bitterness. “Yes, she was. She left in the middle of the night, and the next morning the girls were delighted to find her gone.”
He shook his head. “She was unstable, and I’d left the kids in her hands. It was such a blot on my judgment that I didn’t trust it anymore. Especially when you came along, with your mysterious past and your secrets. I thought you were playing up to me because I was rich.”
It hurt that he’d thought so little of her. “I see.”
“Do you? I hope so,” he replied heavily, and with a smile. “Because if I go back to Medicine Ridge without you, I wouldn’t give two cents for my neck. John’s furious with me. He’s got company. Miss Parsons glares at me constantly. Mrs. Charters won’t serve me anything that isn’t burned. The girls are the worst, though,” he mused. “They ignore me completely. I feel like the ogre in that story you read them at bedtime.”
“Poor ogre,” she said quietly.
He began to smile. He loved the softness of her voice when she spoke. For the first time