past the cotton barrier of my knickers. ‘Oh hell yes.’ I released my grip on him just long enough to grab the band of his shorts then wrench them down, exposing just how awake he was now.
Hayden lived up to the phrase ‘morning glory’ and then some. He followed my lead and dragged my knickers down over my hips then let them fall to my ankles, replacing the scant fabric with his fingers. When I reached for him again, he batted my hand away with his free one. ‘If you do that again, it’ll be all over,’ he said, all the while teasing me and keeping me pinned against the door. ‘Your choice.’
‘Fine.’ I pouted playfully and squeezed my thighs together to halt his movement. ‘Where do you want me?’
Hayden smiled a wicked grin and wiggled his fingers inside me one more time before withdrawing them. He stepped out of his shorts, half-kicking them across the floor, then he reached for my hand. Using him for balance, I reached down to manoeuvre my knickers over my feet without removing my heels, then let him lead me up the stairs to his bedroom.
As soon as we reached his room, Hayden released my hand to open the drawer on his bedside cabinet. ‘Get on the bed,’ he demanded.
‘Hey, I’m not one of your groupies, you know.’ My retort was nothing more than a token argument and Hayden’s glance confirmed he knew that, but something else lingered in his brief look—something I couldn’t read—but then he snapped his attention back to the drawer.
While I hitched up my skirt and lay back on his bed, Hayden pulled out a condom. He rolled it on, then climbed onto the bed to take up position between my legs. I wasn’t quite ready for his first thrust but the discomfort was a blessing in some ways; it gave me something external to focus on that I knew would soon pass rather than the emotional pain that lurked beneath the surface which I refused to face.
Sex was both a weapon and a cure, as well as my drug of choice and I was probably one of the worst junkies out there. I revelled in the thrill of the chase, the conquest, and the knowledge of being wanted. Bad-ass, super-sexy Hayden had wanted me so badly there hadn’t even been the time to get undressed.
Mission accomplished.
With Hayden otherwise distracted, I was free to search for the now familiar shapes in the textured ceiling. All I had to do was remember to moan every thirty seconds or so, to the point I was struggling not to laugh as I mentally ticked off the shapes one by one: the teddy bear; the dog; the table; the car…discovering something new with each visit.
The tell-tale twitch and the vein bulging in Hayden’s neck told me it was almost over so I wrapped my legs his waist and gripped. I wasn’t completely heartless and with all the effort he was putting in, the least I could do was fake an orgasm so I dug my nails into his back, threw back my head and let out a groan worthy of an Oscar. Hayden jerked and thrust hard for one final swansong, then came to a shuddering halt and collapsed on top of me.
Ha!
The routine worked every time and for once, Hayden hadn’t even tried to kiss me. The guy was learning. Christ, I hadn’t kissed a boy on the mouth since I was thirteen and even then it was more a clumsy crashing together of teeth. Yuck. The idea of kissing a guy was just too…too what? Romantic? Personal? Intimate?
All of the above?
Hayden’s breathing slowed and grew deeper. Each gust ruffled through my hair and tickled my cheek so I reached up carefully to push it behind my ear. One problem sorted, now to figure out how to disentangle myself from Hayden before he fell asleep completely and became a dead weight. I’d barely moved an inch when Hayden stirred. He shuffled off me to lay by my side then propped himself up on his elbow with his head resting on his palm to look at me.
‘Leaving already?’ There was a distinct note of pleading in his voice, more than hinting that he didn’t want me to go.
Not good.
‘Yeah,’ I said, trying to keep my tone light even as an icy chill swept through my veins and brought my skin out in goosebumps. I disguised my sigh as a deep breath and sat up. ‘You go back to sleep, I’ll see myself out.’ I swung my legs off the side of the bed and moved to stand up but Hayden caught hold of my hand.
‘Do you already have plans for today?’ he asked, not trying anywhere near hard enough to quash the wistful lilt this time. ‘I’ve got band practice this afternoon. We’re working on a new song.’
‘Oh,’ I said, scrambling for a way to let him down gently.
‘I wrote it.’ A smile played across his lips and his gaze lit up with a flash of pride, along with dash of vulnerability. ‘It’s about somebody I know,’ he said, trying to play it cool but he was a far better singer than an actor. ‘You should come along and listen.’
Uh-oh.
‘Um, no, sorry I can’t. I have plans, you see.’ The death knell on our arrangement was ringing out. ‘Speaking of which, I need to get going.’
‘Can you change them? Or blow whoever it is off?’ he asked, increasing the pressure on my hand. ‘It would mean a lot to me.’
Fuck.
How could I have been so blind? So stupid? I knew better than keeping the same guy on for so long but I thought Hayden knew the score—that it was just sex. Apparently not, which meant only one thing: it’s over.
‘I don’t think so, Hayden.’ I tried to shake off his hand but he only tightened his grip.
‘So is that all I am to you?’ The pressure on my hand bordered on painful. ‘A fuck-buddy?’
‘Yes, Hayden, that’s exactly what you are.’ I swivelled round to glare at him but I couldn’t hold it, not when I saw the pain shimmering in his eyes.
‘Fine.’ Anger replaced the pain in his voice and he released my hand as if he’d been burned. ‘You got what you came for, now get out.’
Free to move, I yanked my hand away and pushed up to standing. Keeping my back to him, I jutted out my jaw and crossed the short distance to the door with my head up and my shoulders back yet when I tried to walk out, my feet rooted themselves to the floor. My curse of a conscience reared its ugly head once again, refusing to let me leave without saying something to Hayden.
My bravado was slipping anyway so I let it fall just enough to offer him a glimpse of the girl behind the bitch mask. The real me. After all these weeks of being at my beck and call, he deserved that much. ‘I’m sorry, Hayden.’ I meant it too. A part of me wished I could give him what he so clearly wanted but the rest of me was screaming and begging me to get the hell out of there.
When Hayden finally looked at me, his eyes widened. My planned goodbye dried up on my lips. He’d seen too much. No longer glued to the spot, I yanked off my heels and fled.
‘Alice. Wait!’ he called.
Bed springs creaked behind me, spurring me on and I sprinted down the stairs with my shoes in one hand and gripping the banister with the other. Hayden’s footsteps reached the top of the stairs but I’d already cleared the bottom three steps in a single leap. I snatched up my discarded knickers and stashed them in my bra, then grabbed my keys. Hayden was getting closer—too close—causing me to fumble with the lock to the front door but I got it open on the second attempt and burst out into the sunlight without looking back.
By the time Hayden appeared at the gaping front door, still stark-naked, I was locked in the car with the engine running. A look of resigned acceptance replaced the frown that creased his handsome face and my ragged breath hitched painfully in my chest. Wearing nothing but a sad smile, he raised his hand to offer me a single wave then turned his back on me and calmly closed the door.
One tear fell into my lap, closely followed by another. Not even I could take that many hits in such quick succession without some kind of meltdown but I didn’t let anybody see me cry. Ever. No way did I want Hayden to see me crying, especially when it