she was saying, ‘I want to make sure my sisters are okay.’
His frowned deepened. ‘Sam has just told you that your last hope is to find a suitable donor for new lungs and you’re worried about your sisters?’ Charlie was amazed. If he were in the same situation he doubted he’d be able to think about anything except whether he was going to live or die.
Bella shrugged. ‘There’s nothing I can do about finding a donor but making sure Evie is okay might be something I can have some influence over.’
‘What’s wrong with her?’ He hadn’t noticed anything amiss but, to be honest, he hadn’t seen a lot of Evie lately.
‘I know this whole donor thing is stressing Evie out. She feels responsible for me. She always has ever since our mother walked out on us. But, really, this situation isn’t unexpected, we all knew this day would come. But Evie doesn’t seem to be coping as well as I would have thought.’
Bella stopped, interrupted by a coughing fit, and Charlie could only watch as her slight frame shuddered with each spasm. She had asked him to stay behind. There must be something she needed. ‘What did you want me to do?’ he asked as he poured some water into a glass for her and waited while she sipped it.
‘Thanks,’ she said as she moistened her throat before she continued to speak in a voice that was just louder than a whisper. ‘She seems on edge, which isn’t like her, and she’s been like that for a little while. Something is bothering her but she won’t tell me what it is. Have you noticed anything?’
‘I haven’t seen that much of her lately,’ he admitted. But if Bella was right and Evie was troubled, he was pretty sure he knew what the problem was. The sisters were extraordinarily close and he could just imagine how much this situation was tearing Evie apart. ‘I imagine she’s just worried about you and doesn’t want to burden you with her concerns.’ He wished he felt like he was doing a better job of comforting Bella but he didn’t think he’d be improving her spirits with this clumsy attempt at reassurance.
‘I think it’s something unrelated to me,’ Bella admitted.
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. Sometimes it’s as though she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and you know what she’s like, she doesn’t like to burden people with her troubles. A couple of the nurses were talking about Evie and they mentioned Finn Kennedy. I wondered if something had happened between them, something that would upset her. Have you heard anything?’
Bella’s earlier nervousness had disappeared. She’d stopped fidgeting and Charlie wondered whether he’d only imagined her to be on edge. He shook his head. ‘I’ve heard nothing. There’s been the usual gossip about the staff and usual complaints about the doctors’ egos, but I’ve heard nothing about Evie specifically.’
‘Will you promise me that if anything happens to me, you’ll look out for her?’ Bella asked. ‘She needs somebody to take care of her and she’s so independent, which makes it tough. At least she might let you close.’
Charlie nodded. ‘I promise I’ll make sure she’s okay.’ He could do that. He wished he could tell Bella that she’d be able to keep an eye on Evie herself but they both knew that might not be the case. They both knew what the reality was.
He could hear Bella wheezing as she breathed and he knew she needed to rest. He should leave and let her recover but he needed to know that everything was under control first. ‘Is anything else bothering you?’ he asked.
‘Well, I also want to see Lexi happily married to Sam but I don’t think you can help me there.’ Bella smiled and Charlie caught a glimpse of humour despite her circumstances.
‘Why wouldn’t they get married?’ he asked.
Bella shook her head. ‘I’m sure they will but I want to be there when they do. Lexi wants time to organise a huge circus, and I know it’s her wedding …’ She smiled. ‘Their wedding,’ she corrected, ‘but I wish she’d agree to hurry things up. I don’t want to miss out.’
Her smile had gone and the tension had returned to her shoulders. She had the bed sheet bunched up tight in her right hand and her knuckles were white with the effort. Maybe it had been stress he’d been witnessing all along.
Charlie wished again that there was something he could do to reassure her. ‘You need to be positive. You have to believe you will get a second chance.’ He knew his words were hopelessly inadequate but he was out of his depth.
‘All right, I’ll go along with your fairy-tale for now,’ Bella replied. ‘Let’s say a donor is found in time, before Lexi and Sam have a chance to get married. What if something happens to me during the surgery? That’s a risk too. Sam is my surgeon. How do you think that will affect their relationship? I know the idea of me dying terrifies Lexi but if they’re already married they’ll have to get past it, but if they’re not …’ Bella paused and shrugged her bony shoulders. ‘I don’t want to be responsible for something happening and coming between them.’
‘How can what happens in surgery be your responsibility?’
‘It’s my decision to have the surgery and the other alternative if something goes wrong is for it to be Sam’s responsibility. If I don’t have the surgery then that pressure is removed.’
‘If you don’t have the surgery, you’ll die.’ Charlie knew he was being blunt but he also knew Bella understood the facts. ‘It’s Sam’s job to make sure nothing happens to you. He’s a surgeon, that goes with the territory.’
‘Don’t get me wrong. If a donor is found, I will have the transplant, but I’d just prefer it if Lexi and Sam were married first. Does that make sense?’
Charlie nodded. In some strange roundabout way it did make perfect sense. He could understand her logic. ‘I assume you’ve spoken to Lexi about this?’
She nodded. ‘But Lexi has a tendency to get her own way and she wants it all to be perfect. In Lexi’s mind the wedding will happen when I’ve had a transplant and life is going on for everyone just as it should. She won’t consider the possibility that I might not make it. She won’t admit that waiting might mean she doesn’t get perfection. She thinks if she ignores the facts, it’ll all go away. She thinks wishing it will make it so. I don’t want to make a fuss but it’s a big deal to me.’
‘What about having someone else perform the surgery? Someone other than Sam?’
‘Like who?’ Bella asked. ‘Evie told me Sam is one of the best. If I’m going to have a lung transplant, I want the best odds I can get.’
Charlie thought about Bella’s options. Finn Kennedy, Head of Surgery at Sydney Harbour Hospital, was one of the best cardiac surgeons in Australia but he wasn’t a heart-lung specialist. If Charlie had needed heart surgery, he’d happily choose Finn to operate on him, but if he needed a lung transplant his money would be on Sam.
‘I guess Sam is your man,’ he agreed. ‘But if Lexi isn’t listening, why don’t you talk to Sam? See if you can get him to persuade Lexi to speed things up. Get him to explain the urgency to her.’
Bella nodded. ‘That makes sense. I wanted Lexi to talk to Sam about it but I don’t think she will. Maybe I should approach it from the other angle, from Sam’s side.’
Charlie watched as Bella’s fist relaxed and her fingers uncurled, releasing the bed sheet. Perhaps his advice had been more effective than he’d anticipated. Could he leave her to rest? ‘So you’ll talk to Sam?’
‘I guess.’
‘Shall I come back tomorrow, check up on you?’
‘You don’t need to do that.’
‘Why not? I can be your conscience, make sure you’ve spoken to Sam. And once you’ve got your sisters’ lives sorted out, I’m interested to know what you want for you.’
‘Me?’