But she’d been glad to have a job to do. She was hoping it would keep her mind busy so she would have no time to think about gorgeous men with kind faces and daughters in hospital. Lila’s father had unsettled her. Her reaction to him had her on edge but she found if she kept herself occupied she could almost manage to push him to the back of her mind. Wielding a sharp knife was making sure she stayed focussed on the task at hand. She scraped the vegetables into a bowl and started tossing them together to make the salad.
‘Yes,’ Scarlett replied, ‘but she was fighting sleep every step of the way. I think she has too much of her father in her—she knows there’s a party going on and she doesn’t want to miss out!’
Rose smiled. Her brother-in-law did like a party. He’d grown up in a big family; he was the youngest of six siblings so there had always been plenty of people in the house and even now he liked to surround himself with family and friends. There was no special reason for today’s gathering but Jake never needed a reason. He loved a crowd and didn’t mind being the centre of attention. He’d worked as a stripper to put himself through medical school and Rose had heard he’d been very good at it. She had no doubt he’d loved every minute of it. Scarlett, by comparison, was happy behind the scenes. She only needed the attention of one person, her husband.
Like Jake, the old Rose had loved a party too. She’d enjoyed attention and she knew she got more than her fair share, but now that attention made her uncomfortable. Now it only made her more aware of everything that had happened to her. Aware of the contrast between the pretty Rose of her youth and the new Rose. She felt much, much older than her twenty-three years. She’d been through a lot in the past two years and had come out the other side a lot less positive about the future. She knew now that some things were out of her control and just because she had a plan it didn’t mean that life had the same one for her.
Things were different now.
Rose had been avoiding parties but Scarlett had refused to listen to any of her excuses. The only reason Rose had agreed to come to this barbecue was because Scarlett had threatened to withhold time spent with Holly if she didn’t attend. It was emotional blackmail—Scarlett knew Rose couldn’t bear to think of being separated from her niece. Holly was one of the few highlights in her life. One of the things that Rose had fought so hard for. She adored Holly and Holly adored her.
Having a family of her own was all Rose wanted. It had been all she’d wanted since she was eight years old. Her dreams had been so different from those of her two elder sisters yet now they were both married and Scarlett had a daughter. Scarlett and Ruby were living Rose’s dream and Rose couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy when she thought about it. Scarlett had professed that she was never going to have kids, she’d always intended to focus on her career, yet look at her now, Rose thought: a qualified anaesthetist and mother to the most adorable little girl.
Ruby, the middle of the three Anderson sisters, was a different kettle of fish altogether. She was nomadic, nothing remotely like Rose, who was the epitome of a homebody. Marrying Noah was the first ordinary thing Ruby had ever done, but even then she’d gone for the unusual. Not too many people were married to professional race car drivers. Ruby had always had a point of difference, whether it was her dress sense, her living arrangements or her boyfriends; no one could ever accuse her of being ordinary, whereas Rose longed for an ordinary life—a husband who adored her, perfect children and her own happily ever after.
She wanted to re-create that perfect world she used to live in. The world she’d inhabited until the age of eight. She wanted to fall in love and have her own family. She believed in true love and part of her still hoped it would happen for her. She still imagined her white knight would come and sweep her off her feet. He would give her the world and would be so blinded by love that he wouldn’t notice all her flaws.
The Anderson sisters had grown up with their own labels. Scarlett was the clever one, the career girl; Ruby was the fun one, the slightly wild and offbeat sister; Rose, not overly ambitious, had been content to be the pretty one. Until recently.
She used to be so confident, used to be able to walk into a room and know that men would look at her. She knew she was pretty and her blonde hair and big green eyes lent her an air of innocence that men couldn’t resist. But Rose didn’t feel pretty any more. She was scarred, emotionally and physically, but she hated the idea of anyone else knowing it.
She was also scared. Scared that no one would want her now.
Scarlett kept telling her to give herself time. To get back out into the world without expectations. To relax, have fun and see what happened. Her psychologist was telling her the same thing—give yourself time—but Rose wasn’t convinced that time was the great healer that everyone professed it to be.
It had been almost two years since her last relationship had ended and she didn’t feel any closer to being ready for another one. Not when she knew she would have to open herself up.
She was scared and scarred and she didn’t believe that was a combination conducive to finding love.
Scarlett held out a tray of burgers and shashliks to Rose.
‘Would you take these out to Jake for me, please?’
Rose could see her brother-in-law at the barbecue, talking to one of his friends.
‘I know what you’re doing,’ she said.
‘What?’ Scarlett replied, all wide-eyed and innocent.
‘You want me to talk to Rico.’
‘He’s a nice guy.’
‘I’m not saying he’s not, but—’
‘You’re not ready.’ Scarlett finished the sentence for Rose with her usual retort but that hadn’t been what she was about to say. ‘I’m worried about you, Rose. You need to get out there. You’d have fun with Rico. It doesn’t necessarily have to be anything more than platonic fun but at least you’d be out and about. Working and spending time with Holly isn’t enough. You’re twenty-three, have some fun.’
Rose couldn’t mount a good argument so she reached out and took the tray of barbecue meat, resigned to the fact that she would have to let Scarlett win this round. Scarlett won most rounds. She was the bossy older sister. Rose knew she did it out of love and so she gave in. It was easier that way. ‘All right,’ she sighed, ‘I’ll go and talk to him.’
She was aware of Scarlett watching her through the kitchen window as she stepped outside. She knew her big sister was worried about her. Scarlett had always mothered her. They had all suffered when Rose’s father had died suddenly and their mother just hadn’t coped with the aftermath. Scarlett, at the relatively young age of sixteen, had taken it upon herself to be the champion for her two younger sisters and that instinct had never quite left her, even though her sisters were now both adults.
Rose looked around, taking in Scarlett’s house, small but filled with love, her gorgeous husband, and a garden overflowing with their friends. Despite the fact that Scarlett was eight years older than Rose, Rose couldn’t deny that she wanted what Scarlett had. A career, a husband who adored her, and a baby. Actually, she would settle for two out of three; unlike Scarlett, she wasn’t that interested in a career. She enjoyed teaching but it was a job rather than her calling, and she didn’t have the same burning ambition about it that Scarlett had about her career as an anaesthetist.
And Rose knew exactly why Scarlett was pushing her to get outside and mingle. She had never made a secret of the fact that she dreamt of marriage and babies, certainly not to her sisters, but she wasn’t sure that she was in the right frame of mind to mix and mingle today. Although she couldn’t complain about the talent on offer. Jake’s friends were lovely, a good mix of polite, gentle, charming and good-looking; many of them, including Rico, were professional men who were also former colleagues of Jake’s from the strip club, The Coop. They took pride in their appearance without, for the most part, any vanity, and Rose was happy to appreciate the efforts they went to in order to stay fit and in good shape. But she wasn’t sure that getting involved with one of her brother-in-law’s mates was a good idea. What if things