shifted slightly, her eyes suddenly glittering. ‘You know what? It might just be simpler if I make you a lump sum payment.’
‘What the hell …?’
‘For the donation of your sperm. That way, everyone knows exactly where they stand. There’ll be no misunderstandings.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I’m sure you can get those fancy lawyers of yours to draft something up.’
Horror welled through him. She couldn’t be serious! He—
No stress, no worry.
He clenched his hands to fists, drew in a ragged breath and swallowed back the denial that shot through him. Her eyelids had started to grow heavy. A sheen of perspiration filmed her face. She continued to glare at him with her chin hitched up like a warrior’s, but he knew a discussion like this couldn’t be good for her. ‘Rest now, Kit. We’ll talk later.’
Not that there was much more to say, he realized, his mouth growing sour with the knowledge. He turned away and headed for the kitchen. Food and making sure Kit rested—he’d focus on what he could do.
An hour later, Alex found himself on Frank and Doreen’s front veranda, hand raised to knock on their door. He’d made a deal with Kit—she’d try to sleep and he’d come over and thank Frank and Doreen.
He shifted his feet, scowled at the ground and knocked.
‘Lovey!’ Doreen appeared. ‘C’mon in.’
He shook his head and fought the urge to fidget. ‘I don’t want to leave Kit for too long in case she needs me. I just—’
‘Frank! It’s Kit’s young man, Alex.’
Alex gritted his teeth.
‘Come in and have a beer, young man,’ Frank offered.
Again, Alex shook his head. ‘The doctor has diagnosed Kit with a kidney infection. She should be fine but he’s ordered bed rest for the next few days. I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.’
Both Frank and Doreen nodded sagely, as if this made perfect sense. As far as Alex was concerned, the longer he remained in Tuncurry, the less sense anything made.
‘Kit wanted me to come over and thank you.’ He suddenly realized how grudging that sounded, as if he hadn’t appreciated what they’d done—their attempts to tidy up, the casserole. ‘I mean we wanted to thank you.’ But he and Kit, they weren’t a we and he didn’t want to give the wrong impression. ‘Just …’ He gave up. ‘Thank you. It was thoughtful of you.’
Frank eyed him. ‘You’re a city boy, right, Alex?’ When Alex didn’t say anything he added, ‘You’ll find we’re more community-minded out here.’
Community? It took an effort to stop his lips from twisting. From where he was standing, that just meant Kit would probably get stuck with looking after Frank and Doreen in a few years’ time when they both started losing their faculties.
Still, they had checked up on her today and that had been a nice thing to do. And they’d made sure she had food.
Both Frank and Doreen looked at him expectantly. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s nice to know Kit has such good neighbours.’
‘No doubt we’ll all get better acquainted now you’re here, lad.’
Alex took a step back. No way! The expectation, the cosy familiarity, the good-spiritedness, it wrapped around him, threatening to suffocate him, to bury him. He took another step back. ‘I … uh … should get back to Kit. Goodnight.’
He turned and fled.
There wasn’t any comfort in returning to Kit’s house, though. He glared at the hole in her wall and then threw himself down on the nearest sofa. White dust rose up all around him.
His curse ground out from between gritted teeth. He couldn’t bolt and leave Kit’s living room looking like a demolition site.
If the child she was carrying was his …
He leapt up and stomped off to find a broom, a bucket and some cleaning cloths. Tonight he’d be sleeping on plastic because he wasn’t taking the wrapping off the sofas until he’d had a chance to vacuum, and he wasn’t vacuuming tonight. It’d wake Kit and she needed to rest.
Alex checked on Kit again at midnight. She’d taken her antibiotics, she’d eaten some dinner and then she’d slept. So far, so good. She needed to get well. He wanted her to get well as soon as possible.
So you can leave?
He tried not to scowl.
From the light of the hallway he caught sight of the title of the book on her bedside table—What To Expect When You’re Expecting. He picked it up and tiptoed back out into the living room. Lowering himself to the sofa that would be his bed for the night, he turned to the page she had bookmarked.
And froze.
Everything went blank.
The bookmark—it was an ultrasound photograph of Kit’s child.
Of his child.
He snapped the book shut and rested his head in his hands. A baby. A child.
He lifted his head, darkness surging up to fill the empty places inside him. He wasn’t doing that again. He couldn’t.
You don’t care what’s best for our baby. All you care about is what’s best for you.
Kit didn’t understand. Him getting out of her and the baby’s lives—that would be best for her and the baby.
And for you too.
He nodded heavily. And for him too. It didn’t stop a part of him from feeling as if it were dying, though.
When he finally fell asleep that night, Alex had a nightmare about Chad. He raced through a darkened mansion, his legs wooden and heavy, his heart pounding faster and faster as he searched for the two-year-old. Chad’s laughter, always just out of reach, taunted him and spurred him on. The rooms in the mansion went on and on. He tried calling out Chad’s name but his voice wouldn’t work. His legs grew heavier and heavier. It took all his energy to push forward. He pulled open the final door, surged through it, to find himself plummeting off the edge of a cliff.
He woke before he slammed into the jagged rocks at the bottom, breathing hard and with Chad’s name on his lips. He lay in the dark and tried to catch his breath, his skin damp and clammy with perspiration. He tried telling himself Chad was safe, living somewhere in Buenos Aires with his mother, but that didn’t ease the darkness that stole through his soul.
Before he and Kit had made love, he hadn’t had a nightmare about Chad in over ten months.
He shoved the thought away. It wasn’t Kit’s fault she made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was his fault for giving in to temptation. Biting back a groan, he pushed up into a sitting position. Past experience told him he would get no more sleep tonight. He dragged a hand down his face. That was okay. There was still plenty of cleaning to do.
A sharp rap on the front door just after nine o’clock had Alex falling over his feet to answer it before the noise of another knock could wake Kit.
The woman who stood on the other side raked him up and down with bold, unimpressed eyes. ‘I’m Caro,’ she said without preamble. ‘Kit’s best friend.’ She didn’t stick her hand out. ‘Doreen rang me. I take it you’re Alex?’
‘That’s right.’
She folded her arms. ‘I’ve heard all about you.’
He gathered none of it had been complimentary.
‘How’s Kit?’
‘Asleep,’ he ground out.
‘All night?’