her pack and raced across the field, down Yardley Drive and toward Luke’s house. While she ran, she tried to figure out what to say. She didn’t like being helpless. She didn’t like not being in control. She didn’t want him feeling sorry for her.
She came to a sudden stop and tried to catch her breath.
What if he wanted to go with her? They’d talked about where they’d go to college. Luke had insisted that he’d go wherever she did.
Would he do that? Go to San Jose with her? Her mood brightened. He was the one person who wouldn’t desert her. Then she wouldn’t be all alone.
But that was selfish. His family was struggling to make ends meet since his father had left them. That was a common bond they shared—the fact that they each had only a mother. But he had a younger brother, Travis. Luke worked after school, on weekends and all through the summer to help out. Travis wasn’t old enough to have a job; he did his share by looking after the chickens and goats they raised. How would his family get by if Luke left? Besides, how could he afford to live in San Jose and finish school? No, it was out of the question.
Hope loved Mrs. Carter almost as much as her own mother. Yes, Luke would be going to college in another year, but Hope couldn’t be responsible for his leaving before that, making life even harder for his mom and younger brother.
The more Hope thought about it, the more she realized how easy it had been to let Suzie think it was her own decision. That she wasn’t a victim, and she needn’t be pitied.
That would be her story. Now that she’d told Suzie, everyone would know what she’d said anyway. Why not just let them believe it?
Suzie had probably told lots of people by now. No longer having to race against the clock, Hope walked resolutely to Luke’s house.
She found him outside, working in the chicken coop. He was hunched over, his back to her, collecting eggs. He was so tall, so strong, things that had attracted her when they’d already been best friends. “Hey,” she called out.
Luke jerked upright, banging his head on the two-by-four beam at the top of the opening. He grunted loudly. Rubbing his head, he backed out of the coop and straightened. His look of mild irritation turned to pleasure when he saw her. “Hey to you, too, Sprite,” he responded, using his nickname for her. He hurried over and brushed his lips lightly across hers. “Here, I’ll take that.” He reached for her backpack.
She moved the strap farther up her shoulder. “No. It’s okay.”
His eyes narrowed briefly, and then the smile was back on his face. He gently set the bucket of eggs down on the grass and slung an arm around her shoulders. Since his arm nestled her tightly against his side, it would’ve been awkward to resist, so she let him lead her. And it felt so good. She wished she could turn into his arms and he’d tell her everything would be okay. She resisted the temptation. It wasn’t going to happen. Nothing was going to be okay ever again, she thought as they walked along.
Hope could guess where they were going. To the swimming pond on the Hawkins ranch abutting the Carter property. All the kids were welcome to use it. The large rock at the edge of the pond was one of their favorite spots. That was where they’d first kissed. Where they’d first said they loved each other. It was a special, magical place for her, and she knew it was for Luke, too.
She stopped abruptly. If that was where she told him, the magic would be gone. It didn’t matter to her, or so she tried to convince herself. But was it fair to ruin it for Luke? On the other hand, maybe that was fitting. Maybe it had to happen there. Where it all started would be where it ended, too. Where she’d shatter their dreams.
They walked in silence, the only sounds the crunching of the dry grass beneath their feet, the whinny of a horse in the distance and the mournful cry of a dove gliding overhead.
When they reached the rock by the cattail-edged blue-brown water, Luke dropped his arm. As Hope slipped off her backpack and climbed up, Luke took a small bag of crumbled bread from his pocket, which he habitually kept there for the chickens, and held it out to her. She grabbed a handful and began tossing it into the pond. They watched the koi leap and dance as they fed.
Luke nudged Hope with his shoulder. “So, are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?”
It was now or never. “I’ve been thinking... With Mom gone...it changes things.”
“Oh, Hope...”
He reached for her, but she pulled away. There was no easy way to do it. She just had to get it out. “I’m leaving Canyon Creek.”
“What?” The word exploded from Luke’s mouth. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
She inched farther away from him. She couldn’t go through with it if she could feel him next to her, touching her. His nearness made her resolve waver. Her heart was racing, and there was a terrible constriction in her chest that made breathing almost impossible, but she tried to keep her voice unaffected. “I’m going to live with my father in California.”
Luke jumped off the rock. Bracing his arms on either side of her legs, he caged her in. “Your father? The man you can’t remember? The man who practically destroyed this town?”
“He’s still my father.”
Luke shook his head, but kept his eyes, intense and angry, on hers. “What kind of sick joke is this?”
Hope broke eye contact, focusing on a spot over his left shoulder. She couldn’t continue, if she had to keep looking into his furious gaze. “It’s not a joke.”
“You’re not making sense. Why would you do that?”
“Because he asked.”
Luke turned, picked up a large stone and heaved it into the water, where it landed with a splash. He watched the ripples spread before turning back. His voice was more controlled when he spoke again. “Hope, what’s this all about? You don’t want to live with your father.”
He knew her too well. She nearly shrieked that, no, she didn’t want to. She almost begged him to make it all go away. Instead, she nodded slowly. “Yes. It is what I want.”
“It makes no sense. Why?”
She slid off the rock and threw up her arms. “I’m tired of living in a place that’s so small everyone knows your business. I’m tired of not being able to buy a new pair of sneakers or go on a school trip because I can’t afford it.” More calmly now, and with full honesty, she added, “And I can’t impose on Aunt Clarissa. I can’t expect her to move here and give up her life to take care of me.”
“She’d do it. She loves you. Or you can live with us. Mom won’t mind. Travis would love it.”
“No, Luke. I’m leaving,” she said emphatically. And with finality.
IT WAS HOPE’S first time on a plane. With every passing minute, she was inexorably transported toward an uncertain and terrifying future. The distance between her and everything she knew and loved increased. Far below, the ranches formed a patchwork quilt of greens and browns. The occasional ribbon of blue water haphazardly transected the rectangles of varying textures and sizes. Gauzy white clouds drifted by.
Hope leaned her forehead against the cool window and thought about her mother as she watched the ground rush by. It still didn’t seem possible that she wouldn’t see her bright, vivacious, loving mother again. When reality did come crashing down on her, the weight of it seemed too much to bear. Her reflections turned to her father, what she’d known and what she’d learned over the past week.
Jock Wilson had left her and her mother when Hope was barely two. She wasn’t aware of the details because her mother never talked about it. Aunt Clarissa didn’t know much either or, if she did, she wouldn’t say. Her father had taken