stillness was soothing to her ragged nerves and for a moment she just stood and listened. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt such peace. In the city, the constant cacophony of busy streets, honking horns and loud pedestrians filled her apartment despite the windows that she kept closed and locked.
Erin shook her head free of the melancholy that had enveloped her and went to grab her gear. Obviously, jet lag was doing more than tiring her out—it was making her downright loopy. She did not miss this place. Opening the back hatch, she grabbed her suitcase along with her camera bag.
Glancing down at Butterscotch, who was waiting patiently by her side, she shook her head in disgust at herself and made her way to the front door.
She was here to take care of business, not wallow in useless nostalgia. Yet, when she came to the porch steps, she stopped and cast one last look at the wooded shoreline, hating it for its beauty and its ability to move her in spite of everything. She shut her eyes against the ghostly light of the moon and focused on getting through the door without collapsing.
Don’t think of it as Caroline’s house, she told herself fiercely when her breath hitched in her throat as she slid the key into the lock.
It’s just a bed and a place to shower.
No, it was more than that, a voice argued with the same vehemence. Caroline’s house had been the one place she’d felt loved, cherished and safe. The place where she could sleep an entire night without waking in a cold sweat, terrified of the agonizing, drunken bellows that echoed in the still night air. The place that Caroline had insisted she consider home—no matter how old she was.
Erin closed her eyes and swallowed, knowing with a fatal certainty that walking through that door would crack her heart in two, yet also knowing that the pain was inevitable.
She swore softly at the situation. Congratulations. You’ve made it as far as the porch before falling to pieces. Open the damn door already before you and the dog freeze your asses off.
Wiping the residual tears from her eyes, she opened the door and stepped inside as Butterscotch nosed her way past, intent on finding her own bed for the evening. Erin didn’t bother with the hall light. Despite the years that had passed since she’d been back, Erin knew her way around as if she’d never left. The fatigue that had been a constant companion as she drove returned with a vengeance and, for once, she welcomed it.
Walking like a zombie to the bedroom that had once been hers, she stepped over the threshold, flipped the light and sucked in a breath as memories assailed her.
It was exactly as she remembered, as if time had stopped or Caroline had been loath to change anything. It was both oddly comforting and disturbing. She crossed to the wrought-iron bed and sank onto the sturdy mattress, a small smile lifting her lips as the old springs squeaked from disuse.
Erin’s fingers skimmed the soft fabric of the quilt covering the bed, remembering how her aunt had patched it together especially for her from old odds and ends that’d been collected over the years. Erin had spent many a night snuggled into its protective warmth.
The hardwood floor still had a bare spot by the entryway from the many comings and goings throughout the years and the antique armoire that had once been part of a glorious collection of hand-crafted Victorian furniture stood sentinel against the wall near the bed. Caroline had inherited the piece from her mother, who had inherited it from her husband’s family before that. Erin had loved having something with such history. It’d made her feel as if she were someone important instead of always feeling forgotten.
Spurred by the flash of a memory, Erin rose, despite her fatigue, and walked to the armoire. Bracing her hand against the opposite door, she gently opened it and peered inside. The sharp smell of aged wood and dust motes tickled her nose but her gaze immediately fell to the far left corner. She knelt, a pained smile curving her lips, as she traced her fingers over the tiny scratched initials of a lost, scared little girl whose tears were locked deep inside so that no one would know just how much it hurt to feel alone.
E.M.McN.
Erin rocked back on her heels. If it hadn’t been for her Aunt Caroline, she’d often wondered if anyone would have noticed or cared if she’d disappeared. Her father certainly wouldn’t have. An old familiar ache crept into her chest. She groaned when she realized she was doing exactly what she’d sought to avoid for the past fourteen years. Rising, she shut the armoire doors and wearily dusted her knees. She needed sleep, not a trip down memory lane.
After quickly changing, she burrowed under the thick quilt and closed her eyes as she gratefully surrendered to a deep, dark, dreamless exhaustion.
A RESPECTFUL MURMUR filled the air from the crowd that mingled beneath slate-gray skies outside Barstow’s Mortuary as mourners made their way out of the funeral home following Caroline Walker’s services two days later.
The dreary weather seemed to fit the occasion as Caroline had been well-liked within the community despite her brother’s wild reputation and often unpredictable nature, and everyone had come to pay their respects.
As Colin searched the line of mourners for a familiar face, he realized there was only one face he was looking for.
He spotted Erin standing outside the mortuary doors, looking brittle in her stylish, black pantsuit, and nearly frozen to the bone as she accepted hushed words of kindness from virtual strangers. She had grace despite the grief that dragged on her slight shoulders and he was reluctantly drawn to the aura of sadness and vulnerability that she was struggling to hide. As he approached, he noted the quick flare of relief that followed recognition and he was glad he came.
“Quite a turnout,” he acknowledged once he was by her side, his voice low. She nodded, the motion so filled with sorrow he hastened to say something soothing. “Your aunt will be missed in this community.”
Her chin wobbled in a subtle motion but she managed to hold it together. “Did you catch the ceremony?”
He gave a short nod. “It was beautiful. Caroline would’ve been proud, I’m sure.”
The shine in her eyes told him that his comment hit a nerve that was particularly sensitive but he wasn’t sure why. Before he had the chance to ask, she looked away, her gaze wandering over the assembled crowd. “I had no idea she had so many friends.” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat a moment later. She tried again. “I didn’t get home very often. My schedule—” She stopped, as if an internal alarm had warned that she was in danger of sharing too much, and the smile that followed was short-lived. “Well, as I said before…my schedule didn’t allow for much visiting,” she finished, her stare dropping to the frozen ground.
Feeling useless in the face of such heartache, yet knowing that there was little he could do to ease her suffering, Colin merely stood by her side as she received the long line of mourners offering their condolences. He caught a few questioning glances but Caroline’s friends had the good grace to leave it be for the time being. He didn’t blame their curiosity, he hardly knew her; that much was true. But it didn’t seem right to leave her alone.
He watched as she received a warm handshake from an elderly gentleman and weighed the measure of her apparent grief against the magnitude of a past transgression. Whatever Charlie did, it must have been a doozy to keep her away from her Aunt Caroline. The love she’d had for her aunt was almost palpable; as was her anguish for not being able to say goodbye.
He considered his major screwup with Danni and inwardly flinched. For all he knew, he was catching a firsthand glimpse of what his own future held with his daughter.
“Thanks for coming,” she said, once she had a free moment, jerking him out of his troubled thoughts. “I know we just met but it feels good to see someone I recognize.”
Her comment startled him. “I thought you grew up here.”
“I did. I used to think I knew everyone there was to know in this town. I figured I would recognize at least a few people,” she admitted almost to herself as tears welled in her