and then you left me lying there in the dirt and you never came back.”
“You were not lying in the dirt.” He seemed outraged at the concept.
She closed her eyes and then opened them again. “It’s a metaphor, silly.”
“I don’t care what it is. I did not leave you lying in the dirt or even in the sand, or on the couch, or anything. You were standing straight and tall and making jokes, just like always.”
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to relax a bit. “You seemed calm and collected and fine with it. Like you’d known it was coming. Like you were prepared. Sad, but okay.” He shook his head, willing her to believe what he was saying. “Or else I never would have left you alone.”
She shrugged carelessly. How could he have gotten it all so wrong? “And you think you know me.”
He pushed away the pie, searching her eyes, looking truly distressed. “Sara was with you. Your sister. I thought …”
He looked away, frowning fiercely. He remembered what he’d thought. He’d seen the pain in her face and it had taken everything in him not to reach out and gather her in his arms and kiss her until she realized … until she knew … No, he’d had to get out of there before he did something stupid. And that was why he left her. He had his own private hell to tend to.
“You thought I was okay? Wow.” She struck a pose and put on an accent. “The corpse was bleeding profusely, but I assumed it would stop on its own. She seemed to be coping quite well with her murder.”
He grimaced, shaking his head.
“I hated you for a while,” she admitted. “It was easier than hating Brad. What Brad had done to me was just too confusing. What you did was common, everyday cowardice.”
He stared at her, aghast. “Oh, thanks.”
“And to make it worse, you never did come back. Did you?”
He shook his head as though he really couldn’t understand why she was angry. He hadn’t done anything to make her that way. He’d just lived his life like he always did, following the latest impulse that moved him. Didn’t she know that?
“I was gone. I left the country. I … I had a friend starting up a business in Singapore, so I went to help him out.”
She looked skeptical and deep, deep down, she looked hurt. “All this time?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, feeling a bit defensive. “I’ve been out of the country all this time.”
Funny, but that made her feel a lot better. At least he hadn’t been coming up here to Seattle and never contacting her.
“So you haven’t been to see Brad?”
He hesitated. He couldn’t lie to her. “I stopped in to see Brad in Portland last week,” he admitted.
She threw up her hands. “See? You’re on his side.”
He wanted to growl at her. “I’m not on anybody’s side. I’ve been friends with both of you since that first week of college, when we all three camped out in Brad’s car together.”
The corners of Jill’s mouth quirked into a reluctant smile as she remembered. “What a night that was,” she said lightly. “They’d lost my housing forms and you hadn’t been admitted yet. We had no place to sleep.”
“So Brad offered his car.”
“And stayed out with us.”
“We talked and laughed the whole night.”
She nodded, remembering. “And that cemented it. We were best buds from that night on.”
Connor smiled, but looked away. He remembered meeting Jill in the administration office while they both tried to fight the bureaucracy. He’d thought she was the cutest coed on campus, right from the start. And then Brad showed up and swept her off her feet.
“We fought the law and the law won,” he noted cynically.
“Right.” She laughed softly, still remembering. “You with that crazy book of rules you were always studying on how to make professors fall in love with you so they’d give you good grades.”
He sighed. “That never worked. And it should have, darn it all.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked back into the past a little deeper. “And all those insane jobs you took, trying to pay off your fees. I never understood when you had time to study.”
“I slept with a tape recorder going,” he said with a casual shrug. “Subliminal learning. Without it, I would have flunked out early on.”
She stared at him, willing him to smile and admit he’d made that up, but he stuck to his guns.
“No, really. I learned French that way.”
She gave him an incredulous look. “Parlez-vous francais?”
“Uh … whatever.” He looked uncomfortable. “I didn’t say I retained any of it beyond test day.”
“Right.” She laughed at him and he grinned back.
But she knew they were ignoring the elephant in the room. Brad. Brad who had been with them both all through college. Brad who had decided she was his from the start. And what Brad wanted, Brad usually got. She’d been flattered by his attention, then thrilled with it. And soon, she’d fallen hard. She was so in love with him, she knew he was her destiny. She let him take over her life. She didn’t realize he would toss it aside when he got tired of it.
“So what are you doing here?” she asked again. “Surely you didn’t come to see me.”
“Jill, I always want to see you.”
“No kidding. That’s why you’ve been gone for a year and a half. You’ve never even met the twins.”
He looked at her with a half smile. Funny. She’d been pregnant the last time he’d seen her, but that wasn’t the way he’d thought of her all these months. And to tell the truth, Brad had never mentioned those babies. “That’s right. I forgot. You’ve got a couple of cookie crunchers now, don’t you?”
“I do. The little lights of my life, so to speak.”
“Boys.”
“Boys.” She nodded.
He wanted to ask how they got along with Brad, but he wasn’t brave enough to do it. Besides, it was getting late. She had a pair of baby boys at home. She looked at her watch, then looked at him.
“I’ve got to get home. If you can just drop me at the dock, the last ferry goes at midnight and …”
He waved away her suggestion. “You will not walk home from the ferry landing. It’s too late and too far.”
She made a face. “I’ll be fine. I’ve done it a thousand times.”
“I’ll drive you.”
She gave him a mock glare. “Well, then we’d better get going or you won’t make the last ferry back.”
“You let me worry about that.”
Let him worry—let him manage—leave it to him. Something inside her yearned to be able to do that. It had been so long since she’d had anyone else to rely on. But life had taught her a hard lesson. If you relied on others, they could really hurt you. Best to rely on nobody but yourself.
The ferry ride across the bay to the island was always fun. He pulled the car into the proper space on the ferry and they both got out to enjoy the trip. Standing side by side as the ferry started off, they watched the inky-black water part to let them through.
Jill pulled her arms in close, fending off the ocean coolness, and he reached out and put an arm around her, keeping her warm. She rested her head