house, drawn by the hubbub in the yard. A bunch of people were coming over to practice for the rodeo. Only four more weeks.
It seemed every night was busy in one way or another. There was so much to do to get the second annual event off the ground.
Their neighbor, Angus Kinsey, was dropping off a couple of broncs for practice riding tonight. He jumped out of his pickup and walked around to the back of the horse trailer to open the door. A couple of ranch hands came to help out.
Janey stared at the children sitting on a blanket in the middle of the lawn. Ten children waited, some as young as six, some as old as eleven. All of them waiting for her.
She clenched her fingers on the bag of candies she’d brought home for them.
The children shifted restlessly. One of them spotted her and cried, “There she is.” Some rose to run to her, but she lifted a staying hand and they sat back down.
No use putting it off any longer. She walked down the stairs and approached them. Katie patted the empty spot beside her on the red plaid blanket. Janey hesitated, then sat.
Leaning forward, she dumped the candies in the middle of the children who squealed and grabbed for them.
Some grabbed for her. Such physical creatures, always touching or waiting to be touched. Every pat on her hands, every glancing elbow or brush of sweaty little fingers left an invisible bruise. For a moment, she folded in on herself. When would this damn pain end? How much was she supposed to bear?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
She shoved her backbone into a rigid line.
“Hey!” Janey said, forcing their attention to her. “Only eat the candies if you’re sitting still. The minute any one of you starts to run or jump around while you’re eating, I’m putting them away. Got it?”
They nodded.
“One candy at a time, right?”
They nodded again.
Katie picked up one SweeTart with her fingers and held it up to Janey. “What does it say?”
A blush of sweat rose on Janey’s forehead and upper lip.
“Love you,” she croaked.
Katie crawled onto her lap and Janey shrank from her, but Katie just leaned closer, forcing Janey to hold her or fall over backward. There was no way to get away from the child without hurting her feelings.
Janey straightened and rested one shaky hand on Katie’s knee.
Katie picked up a pastel green heart and pointed to it. “Number 4! What do the letters say?”
“Love U 4ever.”
“You, too.” Katie rested her head against Janey’s chest and put her thumb into her mouth. Bad habit, especially for a six-year-old. Cheryl never sucked her thumb. Cheryl was a good girl.
Janey gave herself a proverbial tongue-lashing after that uncharitable thought. As if Katie wasn’t a good child. The girl had lived with too much in her short life. She was allowed her weaknesses, allowed to take comfort wherever she could find it.
Janey rested her head on Katie’s peach-fuzz scalp for a second, then shoved her spine into a ramrod post again.
She felt an adult hunker down beside her in Katie’s abandoned spot and released a ragged sigh. Probably Hank coming to give her hell for being with the children.
“What are you doing?” Nope, not Hank. Amy.
Janey looked into her pretty unlined face and asked, “What do you mean?”
Amy nudged Janey’s shoulder with her own. “You know what I mean. Why are you here with all of the children?” she whispered close to Janey, her breath scented by her after-dinner coffee. “You should be avoiding them.”
“I know.” Janey smiled bleakly. “I can’t seem to help myself. I saw the candies in the store and wanted to bring some home for the children. It makes them happy.”
“While it makes you miserable.”
Janey lifted one shoulder. “Yeah.”
Amy tapped her knee with one finger. “You’re too generous for your own good.”
Not possible. She felt too much resentment against these children. Why had they survived while her Cheryl hadn’t?
Kyle jumped up from the blanket with a lollipop in his mouth. “Watch this,” he shouted and began to jump.
“Sit!” Amy and Janey ordered at the same time.
Kyle sat and poked John in the ribs. “Knock it off, buster,” Johnny yelled, as loudly as usual.
Janey picked up a ladybug near Katie’s sandal and put her in the grass away from harm. “I got a job today, Amy.”
“That’s great. Where?”
“In the candy store.”
“With C.J.? You’ll like working with him. He’s a great guy.”
Janey didn’t answer, didn’t know how to chart a course through the ocean of feelings that had troubled her today, not the least of which was her reaction to the good-looking owner of the store.
A roar went up from the crowd gathering at the fence. Someone had fallen off a bronc.
More pickup trucks pulled into the yard, parking where they could and lining the lane. The crowd along the fence grew.
One cowboy parked close to the road. Janey watched him walk up the laneway. C.J.
She stared. He walked with a long stride, his thigh muscles flexing with each step.
He wore a pair of old jeans and a plain white T-shirt and the different clothes changed him. This was how C. J. Wright was supposed to dress, like a cowboy or a rancher. Like a normal guy from a small town in Montana. Not in button-down collars and gray trousers. Who the heck wore that stuff anymore? What on earth was the guy thinking when he put those clothes on in the morning?
She wished she hadn’t seen him like this, though. He looked strong and fit and younger and so, so masculine in his cowboy hat.
Katie turned in her arms, drawing Janey’s attention away from C.J. “Are you going on a horse?”
“Nope, not a chance.” Janey’s smile felt fake. She truly hoped Katie didn’t sense that fakeness, or her discomfort in holding Katie on her lap.
When C.J. entered the yard, Angus noticed him and gave him a hard slap on the back.
C.J. grinned and returned the greeting. Janey’s breath caught. Men. So physical, so big, so attractive and so dangerous.
Why was C.J. here? He hadn’t joined the rodeo participants before. Was he going to ride a bronc?
She must have leaned forward because Katie protested.
“Give Katie to me,” Amy said, “and go have some fun.”
Janey didn’t have to be told twice. She all but dumped Katie into Amy’s lap, and then immediately missed the girl’s weight in her arms.
She was a bona fide screwball. No doubt about it. She couldn’t live with children and couldn’t live without them.
She trudged toward the far end of the fence, away from C.J. and jumped up onto the bottom rail, throwing herself into the cheering, anything to keep her mind away from fragile Katie, or loud Johnny, or attention-starved Kyle.
AT SIX O’CLOCK, C.J. had rushed through closing the shop, then had gone to the grocery store and picked up an apple, a banana, three bags of chips and two chocolate bars. So much great chocolate at work, yet sometimes he craved the cheap stuff.
At the cash he’d grabbed an energy bar and had run into the alley behind Sweet Talk and jumped into his old