Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue
Questions for Discussion
Chapter One
September Stevens fought despair. Not an easy thing to do. The cold damp earth surrounded her like a grave. The jagged, crumbling walls of the mine shaft lifted above her and drank up the faint starlight. She and little Crystal Toppins had been down here for a good twelve hours. Sunset came early, near to four-thirty this time of year. That meant enough time had passed for it to be nearly midnight. If the sky wasn’t partly overcast, typical for the Pacific Northwest in winter, the rising moon might have offered some relief from the suffocating dark and fear.
Maybe then it would have been easier to hold on to hope.
“They aren’t coming, are they?” The ten-year-old girl gulped down a sob. It was too dark in the belly of the shaft to see more than a shadow of the child lying on her back on the earthen floor. Terror made the girl’s voice thin and raw. “Are we going to d-die?”
“No, of course not.” September leaned back against the hard-packed dirt wall and stretched her legs out as far as they would go. She had to believe that was the truth, but privately, she wasn’t so sure. Crystal had been seriously hurt. September’s injuries weren’t as severe, but her left forearm had a compound fracture. With no antiseptic wipes, no sterile bandages and no first-aid kit—all of which were still packed safely in her saddle pack on her horse—she had done all she could.
She couldn’t let her fear win. The horses would have returned to the stable, although it was miles away down Bear Mountain. Comanche was well trained and fond of his molasses snacks. He would have gone straight home and that meant Colleen, her boss, knew they were missing. Search parties would have gone out immediately—probably ten hours ago or so.
“They know where we were headed, so everyone knows where to look,” she reasoned, putting as much reassurance as she could in her voice. Crystal’s condition could be fragile, and she had to give the girl strength. “They are coming. They will be here as soon as they can.”
“What if they can’t find us? What if they stop looking?”
“They won’t do that, sweetie.” September pressed her arm against the girl’s gently, comfortingly. “Do you think your mom would let that happen?”
“No.” Crystal had to almost be smiling. “Mom’s a little intense.”
“Yes, she is, and that’s a great thing. A fantastic thing. She will mow this mountain down to find you. I’m absolutely sure about that, so no more worrying. Got it?”
“Got it.” Crystal sighed, a desolate sound in the dark.
A nearly absolute dark. September looked up through the ragged hole in the earth above to the disappearing stars. A cloud layer was moving in from the coast, blotting out the twinkling lights one by one. The dank chill of the ground crept into her bones, and it was a cold that gripped with talons. She would never be warm again.
Where was their search party? It was the question she had been asking since their horses balked, probably feeling the earth shift beneath their hooves. It was a good hour’s ride back to the stable. That meant a search party should have been passing by within an hour, maybe two. Although she had listened diligently and watched carefully, there had been no sign of anyone riding the trail hunting for them. Did that mean no one would be coming? How long could they last, injured and without food or water or even a blanket for warmth? Was it possible they would die in this thirty-foot grave?
If so, this wasn’t how she wanted to go, afraid and wishing she could change so much of her life. Her mess of a life. She drew in a rattling breath, leaned back against the cold earthen wall and closed her eyes against the thrum of pain inside her head. No one twenty-three years old should die with regrets. It wasn’t right that she had so many of them.
If she had one do-over, it would be to go back in time exactly two years, two months and ten days and force Tim out of the army. To have made her fiancé realize that he had done his part in serving several tours of duty overseas. That he didn’t have to stay in the military.
If she had been adamant, if she had stood her ground, then he would still be alive today and she wouldn’t be in this abandoned shaft with an injured child weakening by the hour, bits of earth crumbling down on top of them.
Please, Lord. Send somebody before it’s too late for Crystal. She sent the prayer heavenward, but feared it was not strong enough to escape this dark hole. Her faith was not exactly rock solid these days. She feared God had given up on her. She didn’t blame Him one bit.
“I’m c-cold.”
“Here, lean closer to me.” She lifted her arm, carefully scootching closer to the injured girl. It was all she could offer.
The little girl leaned against her with another sigh, and September held her. She felt the fine chills of Crystal’s body and feared she was slipping into shock. She could do nothing more for the child, who she feared was bleeding internally. Before the sun had gone down, there had been just enough light to see the growing bruise on the girl’s abdomen. There was only so much basic first aid could do.
“September?” Crystal’s voice sounded feeble, as if she were fading away. “What is it like to die?”
“I don’t know.” She felt the strike of the past, as if she was being pulled back to the cold, lifeless shock two years, two months and ten days ago. She had just turned into her driveway after coming home from the grocery store and seen the army chaplain and Tim’s commanding officer at her front door.
She shut off her feelings to block the pain. After all this time, she still battled the overwhelming wave of grief. What had death been like for Tim? Had he known it was coming or was it so sudden, he didn’t know? Had he suffered? Was his last thought of her? She hated how time had begun to dim his memory. She could no longer pull his image up in her mind as clearly. It felt doubly cruel.
“Jesus is supposed to be in heaven waiting for us, but what if I don’t go there?” Crystal’s voice wobbled. “What if I’m not good enough?”
“Jesus loves you, Crystal.” She didn’t feel equipped to be reassuring anyone’s faith. “Please stop worrying and relax. You need to rest.”
“Okay.” The girl sounded all wrong—as if her condition were worsening, as if she were fading away.
Please, Lord, don’t let that happen. It wasn’t fair that Crystal had been so wounded when she had not been. She adjusted her broken arm carefully, where it rested on her thigh, and ignored the sheering pain. Take anything from me, Lord, and give it to Crystal. Please use it to save her life.
No answer came. The last stars winked out. The little girl beside her gave a sob, as if she were running out of hope, too. September’s stomach clamped tight with prickly fear for the girl. The truth was, she felt as if God could not see them and suspected He didn’t care.
And wasn’t that a sad way to feel? Her breath hitched in her lungs with a sharp pain. What happened to the woman she used to be? She dug deep, past the hard, suffocating shell of grief, and tried to see her old self, the one she had lost along with Tim and their dreams. ThatSeptember would not be on the edge of despair. She would be certain God would see her to safety.
She’d had such perfect faith back then and doubt would never have crept in. Nor the certainty that