night, after coming back from the hospital, Nate had turned down Denny and Evangeline’s offer of coffee and instead, had gone directly to the trailer he would be staying at. He needed some time alone.
It was disturbingly easy to resurrect the feeling of Mia’s delicate body in his arms that moment in the hospital. How she had leaned into him and how easily his arms went around her. It had frightened him, but what bothered him more was how good it felt.
The tantalizing glimpse of something he couldn’t—shouldn’t—have.
He wanted to blame his reaction on the isolation that had dogged him the past few months. The feeling that, in spite of doing what he loved, there was a huge hole in his life. It was that feeling that had sent him back to reading the Bible. Sent him to his knees in prayer.
And now he would be on his foster brother’s ranch for a while. But so would Mia and her kids.
What was he going to do about that?
The way she had depended on him, even for those brief moments, had created a blend of longing and fear.
Another fit of coughing overtook him and when it was done, he laid his head back against the rough wood of the pen. Socks laid his head on Nate’s knee and he grinned at his dog, stroking his head. “I’ll be okay, buddy,” he said. “I survived my mom leaving me with Karl. This is nothing in comparison.”
His mention of his stepfather reminded him of the letter folded up and stuffed in the back pocket of his blue jeans.
When he received the letter emblazoned with the name of a legal firm based out of Calgary he thought, at first, some mistake from the past had reared its ugly head. As he read the letter, he realized he was right.
His stepfather, the man who had put his mother in the hospital a couple of times and himself even more often, the man who had torn Nate’s family apart and sent him into foster care, had died three months previous. And he had left all his money to Nate.
Nate unfolded the worn paper once again, the anger he thought he had dealt with rising up and threatening to choke him again. He didn’t want any part of Karl Packer’s money.
Blood money.
Guilt money.
As if giving him money would ever erase what Karl had done to him or his mother. There was no way he was taking it.
A rustling noise in the doorway of the barn made him shove the paper back into his pocket and get up. “Evangeline?” he called. Nate hadn’t gone to the house for breakfast, but he was fairly sure Evangeline was also gone to work for the day.
But it wasn’t his future sister-in-law who hovered in the doorway of the barn.
Nico stood there with a half smile and as he walked toward him, his eyes clung to Nate’s, the same way they had yesterday in the hospital. He came to stop beside Nate and held out his hand.
Nate hesitated, not sure what Nico wanted.
I’m not that guy, he wanted to say to the little boy. I don’t dare give you anything. I don’t dare let you into my life.
Chapter Four
“Josh, Nico, we’ve got to get going.” Mia gave Grace’s face a quick wipe as she called up the stairs to the bedrooms above. Though Nico couldn’t talk, nothing was wrong with his hearing and Mia knew he was playing upstairs in his bedroom.
While she set Grace beside Jennifer, Josh meandered down the stairs. His hair was still neatly combed and, thank goodness, his clothes were still clean.
“Josh, honey, can you speed it up a little?” Mia tried to keep her impatience from seeping into her voice as she stuffed a couple of diapers into the diaper bag that doubled as a purse and swung it over her shoulder. “We have a long drive ahead of us.”
Ben Brouwer had pulled a bunch of strings, called in some favors and got her an appointment with the specialist today at 11:00 a.m. in Cranbrook, a fifty-minute drive away. “Is Nico coming?” she asked Josh as she picked up both twins.
“He’s not here,” he said in a matter-of-fact voice. “He went outside when you were in the bathroom. When you were changing Grace.”
Panic streaked through her. There was a creek on the ranch. Nico loved water.
She charged outside, Grace and Jennifer bobbing on each hip, Josh barely keeping up with her. Her panicked gaze swept the yard when she got to the van. All she saw was buildings and fences. All she heard was the soft breeze in the trees surrounding the farmhouse. Denny was off to work and Evangeline had taken Ella to town for a doctor’s appointment.
“Did he say where he was going?” Mia asked, setting Jennifer in one car seat, clipping her in one-handed.
“He’s not talking, remember?” Josh said, giving her a frown.
Her mind raced as she ran around the other side of the van, secured Grace in the car seat and plopped a pacifier in her mouth.
“You stay here, sweetie,” she said to Josh. “And don’t move. Mommy is going to look for Nico.”
Thankfully, Josh just shrugged, got into his booster seat and started playing the handheld Nintendo he’d found in the house.
She left the door of the van open as she called Nico’s name, her voice sounding shriller each time.
“Nico. Where are you?” She called again, desperation filling her voice. Dear Lord, don’t let him be by the creek, she prayed, one hand on her chest as she ran across the yard. Please let him be okay.
She paused a moment, listening again for something.
“He’s over here.”
Nate’s voice. Coming from the barn beside the horse corrals.
Relief mixed with concern blended with a touch of anger. Why hadn’t Nate brought him to the house?
She stepped into the barn, momentarily blinded as her eyes adjusted to the darker interior.
She blinked, looking around and then she saw Nico. He sat on the floor of the barn, leaning against the wall, stroking Socks’s head. The dog’s ears perked up when Mia came close and his brown eyes studied her, but he didn’t leave Nico’s side. Nor did Nico look up at her, his hand slowly stroking over the dog’s head again and again.
Mia pushed her hand against her still-racing heart. A door creaked and Nate came out of a stall, looking surprised to see her there. “You okay?” he asked, his voice still hoarse from yesterday’s smoke.
His hair was neatly brushed and his cheeks still seemed to shine from his recent shave. He wore a tan shirt today and clean blue jeans. If possible he looked even better than he had yesterday.
“Yeah. No problem. Just fine,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, but she couldn’t stifle her concern at the sight of her son here. Nico didn’t bond quickly with people. His connection with Nate, though understandable, was worrisome, especially after listening to Denny talk about him last night. Turned out Nate was a loner who worked as a ranch hand over the winters and ran the cutting horse circuit all summer. A free spirit. Disconnected.
Certainly not the kind of man she could allow her children to become attached to. Especially not Nico.
“I didn’t know Nico was here. I’ve been looking for him.” Her panic was slowly being replaced by annoyance. “I’m leaving for a doctor’s appointment in Cranbrook in a few minutes.” She glanced at Nico, who seemed to be ignoring her. But she knew from the way his hand slowed its rhythmic petting of the dog that he hung on every word they spoke.
“Sorry. I didn’t know,” Nate said, closing the stall door behind him and latching it shut. “I would have sent him back to the house otherwise.”
“I would appreciate it if you could do that next time he comes out here,” Mia said, her request