and as he passed Rachel’s desk he said, “I have to run out for a while. I’ll try to make it back this afternoon.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked, looking concerned.
“I’m not sure.” But he was about to find out.
Melody didn’t have to remember her past to know that she had never felt so stupid or humiliated in her entire life.
She sat in the passenger seat of Ash’s car, wringing her hands in her lap, wishing she could make herself invisible. At least she’d stopped trembling, and now that her heart rate had slowed her head had stopped hurting, and she wasn’t dizzy anymore either. That didn’t stop her from feeling like a total idiot.
“Are you ready to tell me what happened?” Ash asked gently, looking away from the road for a second to slide her a sideways glance.
“You’re going to think I’m stupid,” she said.
“I won’t think you’re stupid.” He reached over and pried one hand free and curled it under his. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You scared me.”
She bit her lip.
“Come on, Mel.”
“I got lost,” she said quickly, immediately wishing she could take it back. But he didn’t chastise or make fun of her, not that she thought he would. It didn’t make her feel any less like a dope though. And to his credit, he sat there silently waiting for her to elaborate, not pushing at all.
“Remember I said I was going to take a walk?”
He nodded.
“Well, I felt so good, so full of energy, I guess I overestimated my endurance a bit. I got about a mile and a half from home—”
“A mile and a half?” His eyes went wide. “Mel!”
“I know, but it felt so good to be in the fresh air, and it was mostly downhill. But then I started to get really tired, and the way back was all uphill. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it back, so I got on a bus.”
“You knew which bus to take?”
“I thought I did. Unfortunately it was the wrong bus. It took me in the opposite direction of home, and by the time I figured it out I was really far. So I got off at the next stop and got on a different bus, but that one was going the wrong direction, too. It was such a strange sensation, like I knew deep down that I should know which bus to take, but I kept picking the wrong one.”
“Why didn’t you ask someone for help?”
“I was too embarrassed. Besides, I felt like I needed to do it on my own.”
“And they say men never ask for directions,” he said, rolling his eyes, and she couldn’t help but crack a smile.
“I rode around for a couple of hours,” she continued, “and finally got off at the pier. I had absolutely no idea where I was. I could have been in China for all I knew. Nothing looked familiar. And I guess … I guess I just freaked out. My heart was racing and I had this tightness in my chest, like I was having a heart attack. Then my hands started going numb and I felt like I was going to pass out and that really scared me. That’s when I called you.”
“It sounds like you had a panic attack. I used to get the same thing when I was a kid, when I went in for my treatments.”
“Treatments?” she asked.
He paused for a second, then said, “Radiation.”
She frowned. “Radiation? What for?”
“Osteosarcoma,” he said, then glanced over and added, “Bone cancer.”
He had cancer? She’d had no idea. Well, she probably did, she just didn’t remember. “I know I’ve probably asked you this before, but when?”
“I was twelve.”
“Where was it?”
“My femur.”
“How long were you—”
“Not long. Eight months, give or take. They caught it early at my annual physical. A round of radiation and chemo and I was fine.”
She was pretty sure it hadn’t been as simple as he made it sound. Especially if he had been having panic attacks. “Do you worry. I mean, could it … come back?”
“If it was going to come back it would have a long time ago.” He glanced over at her. “If you’re worried I’m going to get sick and die on you, I’m probably more likely to be hit by a bus.”
“I didn’t mean that. I just … I don’t know what I meant. The question just popped out. I’m sorry.”
He squeezed her hand. “It’s okay.”
She could see that it was a touchy subject and she didn’t want to push it. She just hoped he didn’t think that it would ever stop her from marrying him. She was in this for the long haul, until death do them part and all that. And speaking of marriage.
“I was wondering,” she said. “Is there a reason you wouldn’t tell people at work that we’re engaged?”
His shot a glance her way. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, when I called your office, and your secretary asked who it was, I said Ash’s fiancée, and she sounded really confused.”
“What did she say?”
“She said, Ash’s what? and I said, Ash’s fiancée, Melody. I got the distinct impression that she had no idea we were engaged.”
“We just haven’t officially announced it,” he said. “I asked right before you left on your trip, then you didn’t come back….” He shrugged.
“So you didn’t say anything to anyone.”
“It was the last thing on my mind.”
“Well, I guess that explains the pictures and the videos.”
“What about them?”
“I noticed that I wasn’t wearing my engagement ring in a single one. So now I know why.”
Melody looked over at him and Ash had a strange look on his face, as if he felt sick to his stomach or something.
“Is it okay that I said something to her? I mean, we have no reason not to announce it now. Right?”
“I’ve just been so swamped since we’ve been back, with everything at work, and the doctor’s office. The truth is, it completely slipped my mind.”
“But it is okay.”
He smiled and squeezed her hand again. “Of course.”
“Oh, good,” she said, feeling relieved. “Since I kind of already did. To your secretary anyway. Do you think we should plan some sort of engagement party? Or at least call the wedding planner?”
“I think you shouldn’t worry about it until you’ve had more time to heal. There’s no rush. Look at what happened today when you got too stressed.”
He was right. She knew he was. It was just that she felt this need to get on with her life. This deep-seated urgency to move forward.
Give it time, she told herself. Eventually you’ll be yourself again.
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