once more. You’d have given anything to have a mother who loved you, remember?
Oh, he remembered. Too well. A kid doesn’t forget when his very own mother equated him with disposable trash, something to cast out, toss by the wayside. Eyeing Lyssa, he saw the difference and wanted to ignore it. Needed to ignore it.
But something in the winsome look of her gaze, a mother pleading for her child, touched him, despite his disdain. He hesitated, worked his jaw and gave a curt nod. “I won’t tell him. Yet.”
Her look of gratitude evoked guilt within him, and that just made him angry. Why should he feel guilty about anything?
But when she nodded and whispered, “Thank you,” it was all he could do to keep from stepping toward her, the voice and expression recapturing times long past, memories of the girl he loved.
Instead he moved backward, eyes narrowed, jaw tight. “Good night.”
Chapter Five
“You’ve looked better.” Cat made the observation as she walked into work Wednesday afternoon, her glance skimming Alyssa’s face. “Did you catch Cory’s cold or have you spent the last forty-eight hours in tears?”
“Most of ’em.” Alyssa checked the preset front dining room for table alignment and seating, then turned Cat’s way.
“Have they met yet?”
Alyssa hauled in a breath. “Tonight.” She tweaked a floral arrangement that didn’t need it and sighed. “Trent’s going over to the middle school where Chris and Jaden practice. He wants to help.”
“Awkward.”
“Tell me about it. I told Chris he was coming and he looked at me like I had two heads.”
“Chris was a little older, but he knew Trent,” Cat reminded her. “Putting two and two together is fairly easy in this case.”
“So it would seem.”
“And you’re worried about what might happen?” Cat mused.
“If by worried you mean scared to death, then yes.”
Cat smiled in sympathy and hugged her shoulders. “You can’t stop time from moving forward, Lyss. Let go and let God.”
“I’m fairly certain God gave up on me somewhere around Jaden’s second birthday.” Memories swept her. At the time she considered her options free and unfettered. Now she realized they were just outright selfish. And stupid.
“Honey, we all make mistakes at nineteen. Eventually we get a clue and grow up. You think God holds that against you?”
“Reasonably certain.”
“Nonsense.” Something in Cat’s certainty snared Alyssa’s attention. She turned and met her gaze. “Lucky for us, God’s better than that. ‘As far as the east is from the west I have removed your transgressions from you,’” she quoted. “He’s not out to punish us but to embrace us. Sunday school 101.” She grabbed Alyssa into a big sister–type hug. “Kiddo, if I thought God turned his back on me, I’d have headed for the hills long ago. He’s there. He knows. He loves.”
Did he?
Cat’s hug felt good. Real good. Alyssa knew enough of the waitress’s history to know she’d raised three kids on her own after divorcing an abusive husband, a man who’d used every means in his disposal to keep his wife and kids under his thumb.
But Cat had gotten out. Moved on. With her kids nearly grown and doing well, she’d changed a made-for-TV drama into a success story.
Cat would understand what she’d gone through with Vaughn, how he deliberately robbed her of something precious and pure. For just a moment Alyssa was tempted to tell her, but the phone rang, interrupting them.
Cat sent her a look that offered understanding, then answered the phone. “Good afternoon, you’ve reached The Edge, Jamison’s place for fine dining. How can I help you?”
She raised a brow, nodded toward Alyssa and said, “She’s right here, Trent. Just a moment.”
Fear gripped Alyssa. Had he changed his mind? Was he calling to let her know he’d decided to tell the boy everything?
Reaching out, Alyssa accepted the phone. “Yes, Trent?”
“I didn’t ask what time they were meeting tonight.”
“Six-thirty.”
“Do you want to pick him up or have me bring him to your parents’ place? That’s where you’re staying, right?” His crisp, clear voice stayed businesslike while hers fought emotion and lost.
“I’ll pick him up.”
“See you then,” he said.
Click.
Dread flooded through her. In two short hours Jaden would come face to face with his father. Would he know right off? Sense the similarities? See the resemblance?
Alyssa had no idea.
Cat read her mind, not that it was all that difficult if the fear claiming her heart was reflected in her face.
“It’s not like he’s wearing a T-shirt that says, ‘Luke, I am your father,’” Cat quoted in a really bad Darth Vader–like voice. “Jaden will see what an eleven-year-old boy should see. A great football player showing him the tricks of the trade. He’s looking for a coach. Not a father.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Cat shrugged. “I know I’m right. We see Trent in Jaden because we knew Trent at that age. Jaden will see a cool guy who loves football like he does, a guy who wants to teach him stuff. Give him a leg up. Until someone tips him off, my guess is that’s all he’ll see.”
“Really?” Alyssa wanted to cling to that commonsense hope. Cory’s coughing had kept her up half the night, breaking sleep into minute stretches of time and she felt like the fragile threads of her life were at snapping point.
She needed coffee and she needed it now.
“Really,” Cat affirmed. She raised her chin as a small group of people walked in the door. “Time to get to work. It’s hard to worry when your mind’s filled with salad dressing choices and the evening specials.”
“Thanks, Cat.”
“Don’t mention it. And think about what I said. Let go and let God.”
Cat’s commonsense directive seemed too easy. Her trusted confidante wasn’t stymied with layers of guilt on top of a generous serving of self-loathing. On top of that, Alyssa had been raised in a strong, caring family. Sure her dad was tough, but never mean or deliberately hurtful. He was just a dad with high expectations, a goal setter who’d taken a hillside hamburger joint and turned it into one of the area’s most sought-out dining spots.
She’d let him down, and instead of learning from her mistakes, she’d repeated them until they cost her more than she cared to admit.
Shame slashed deep.
She believed in God. Always had. But it was hard to imagine the wealth of grace and forgiveness Cat alluded to when Alyssa recognized her role in a host of bad choices.
He’s there. He knows. He loves.
Cat’s words swirled within her and for just a moment Alyssa wondered if it could really be that sweet, that attainable. Then the image of Trent’s face reappeared, lined with anger and disappointment, her betrayal darkening his features. That thought laid to rest any notion of slates swept clean. Penance was part and parcel to life and she obviously hadn’t paid up quite yet.
Trent thought it would be simple to walk up to the kid and the coach, reach out a hand and say, “Hey. My name’s Trent and I’m here to help.”
But