to work out how he felt about her, for that matter. Not that anything beyond passing friendliness was in order—he’d be damned before he’d poach on a friend’s territory—but somehow the prickling of his skin, the inexplicable jump in his heart rate and the unwelcome stirring in his loins didn’t strike the strictly platonic note.
It was odd, really, how well he knew her without really knowing her. He’d been able to read her from the get-go, had been able to discern the thoughts behind the furrowing of her sleek brow, the upward quirk of her ripe lips, the twinkling or dimming of her pale green gaze.
That especially sensitive perception had also allowed him to work out some other things, as well. Like the fact that Micah had been more heavily invested in her than she’d been in him. He wasn’t judging. Even now, he wouldn’t. It happened. Micah and Shelby had been high school sweethearts who’d let things cool during college, when they’d both dated other people. They’d reconnected after a bad breakup—hers—and had stuck it out for quite a while. But it had ended six months before Micah’s death.
Despite being desperately in love with her, Micah had drunkenly admitted after she’d broken things off that he’d taken advantage of the situation. He’d offered her a shoulder to cry on, then pressed his advantage by proposing before she was ready. “Because she would have said no if I’d waited,” he’d explained. “And I just wanted her for my own. She was my It Girl,” he’d said, smiling sadly. “I met her and—” he’d shrugged fatalistically “—that was it.”
Eli had a grim suspicion he knew what that felt like. Because despite the fact that he’d known that she was and forever would be off-limits, to his eternal shame and chagrin, Shelby had had a similar effect on him. For reasons which escaped him, he’d been judging every girl he’d met against her for the past six years. She’d become the reason he wanted to visit the Hollands and the reason he’d desperately needed to stay away.
It was bad business all the way around.
To complicate matters, he suspected that he was partially responsible for the split. The last time he’d come home with Micah had been for his parents’ anniversary party. In honor of their 30th, Carl had rented the old Wickam plantation, then hired caterers, decorators and a band because he’d said he didn’t want Sally having to deal with anything more stressful than the invitations. When she began agonizing over the guest list, Carl had taken matters into his own hands and put an announcement in the local paper, inviting the whole town. Eli grinned. Problem solved.
The wine and booze had flowed freely, the food had been plentiful and delicious, and the band hadn’t miss a single note. Watching the couples dance, most particularly Carl and Sally, had had the most peculiar effect on him, Eli remembered now. Seeing the love between the two, the affection and familiarity, had made his chest ache and a bizarre sense of...emptiness had swelled in his belly. It had been an odd, mildly troubling sensation because it smacked of regret and loneliness, neither of which Eli had ever allowed himself to feel.
Regret was pointless and the benefit of the military was the constant company.
At any rate, Shelby had witnessed his momentary...weakness? Confusion? Hell, whatever it was, mortifyingly, she’d seen it from across the room and even now, he could still remember the slight arch of her blond brow, the question form in her too perceptive green eyes.
Eli had merely looked away, then proceeded to drink entirely too much. He’d danced with every single woman in attendance—and a few who weren’t so single, he’d later been told—and had pretended that nothing had happened, that he was fine, that he wasn’t envious of his friend or of his friend’s family. He’d laughed, he’d joked, he’d flirted and most importantly, he’d avoided her.
Looking back, that was his biggest mistake. If he’d simply behaved normally, she wouldn’t have known that she’d seen something he hadn’t wanted her to see. There would have been room for doubt. But he hadn’t. What he’d done, he’d later realize, for all intents and purposes, was wave a red flag in front of bull.
She’d waited until he’d stepped outside for some air, then made her move. He’d felt the air change, heat and charge. A wind kicked up, rattling the leaves on the hundred-year-old live oaks, bringing her scent closer. A mixture of fresh rain and gardenias. Summer, his favorite season.
“What’s wrong with you, Eli?” she’d asked, straight to the point as always. Directness was typically a trait he admired, but that night, it had grated on his nerves. “You’re not acting at all like yourself.”
He’d chuckled humorously, then taken another pull from the drink in his hand. “You think you know me well enough to make that call?”
She did, damn her.
She paused, gave him one of those disconcerting considering gazes, then said, “I do, actually. Does that bother you?” she’d drawled. “That you’re mysterious but not necessarily a mystery? Not to me, anyway.”
His heart had begun to pound, but he’d managed an unconcerned shrug. “Why would it bother me? It’s bullshit.”
She’d chuckled knowingly. “Oh, I have struck a nerve, haven’t I?” She’d moved closer, as though sharing a secret, then cast a meaningful glance back at the house. “They’re sweet, aren’t they? They adore one another, and are so obviously, achingly in love, even after all these years.”
Something in the tone of her voice made him look at her and it literally hurt, because she was so lovely, because she was so close, because she belonged to someone else. The night breeze toyed with the ends of her hair, blowing a wisp across the sweet swell of her cheek. Long lashes curled away from her eyes, revealing a wistful gaze that tore at him. She’d hugged her arms around her middle and was staring through the window, watching Carl and Sally take another turn around the room. The pearls Carl had given her gleamed around Sally’s neck.
“They are,” Eli had agreed, then looked away because, though he loved them, it was painful to watch. “Just think,” he’d said, an inexplicable edge entering his voice. “That’ll be you and Micah someday. Although I have to wonder if the tableau is going to be quite the same.”
He shouldn’t have said it. To this day, he still didn’t know why he said it.
From the corner of his eye, he’d watched her attention shift to him, could feel the weight of her gaze, the full benefit of her regard. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” he’d said, trying to backpedal, wishing like hell he could draw the words back into his mouth.
“No, it’s not nothing,” she’d insisted. “What the hell do you mean by that? You think Micah and I don’t have what it takes to make a thirty-year marriage work? Is that what you mean?”
“I don’t mean anything,” he said, ashamed of himself. “Just forget it. I’m sorry. I’ve had too much to drink.” That, at least, was true, if not a good excuse.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“And here’s the upside of not being your fiancé—I don’t have to.” Tension humming along every nerve ending, he’d flashed a smile at her, then turned to walk away, but she’d grabbed his arm.
“Listen, Eli, I don’t know what your problem is, but—”
She shouldn’t have touched him, Eli thought now. If she hadn’t touched him, he would have been able to hold it together, he wouldn’t have reacted as instinctively or as impulsively as he had.
He’d whirled on her and backed her up against the tree, crowding into her personal space. He’d startled a gasp out of her, her eyes round with surprise...and something else, something he ached for but didn’t want to see—a flicker of longing, one so intense it nearly sucked the air from his lungs. He’d seen glimpses of it before, of course, but never this strong. And certainly never this close.
“The problem isn’t what you don’t know,” he’d said, his voice low and fierce. “It’s what you do