her mind was attempting to rationalize her undeniable attraction to Nick. Would one more time really be such a bad thing—as long as they used protection? Surely, two mature, careful people could take care of certain…needs together without things getting messy again. As long as she didn’t fall back into that hopeless, pining kind of love again, surely she could get a little physical relief. Scratch a Nick-sized itch, such as it was. And who better to help her out than the man who already knew what she wanted and knew how to give it to her? The very object of her fantasies? No awkward getting-to-know-you phase, no more ugly surprises. Just two consenting adults doing a little scratching. It didn’t have to be a big deal.
She shook herself. The last time she’d strained with this level of absurd justifications, she’d wound up with Bear. She couldn’t make that kind of stupid mistake again.
Nick was still standing there. She realized she had no idea how long she’d been lost in her own little world. Apparently long enough to make this awkward, because Nick said, “Is it okay if I come in?”
Tanya realized his arms were filled with bags bursting at the seams. “What is all that?”
He waited until he was inside before dropping all the stuff with a whump. “I got some stuff for the baby—I mean, Bear.”
From where he’d been throwing his Cheerios onto the floor from his high chair, Bear’s head snapped up. He wriggled so hard that Tanya had to get him out and set him down before he tipped the whole thing over. In his herky-jerky baby way, he walked over to where Nick was pulling board books and balls and big, chunky cars with flashing lights out of Super Mart bags. “Do you like cars?” he asked Bear, who clapped his hands with excitement. “Here,” Nick said, handing the boy a fire truck. “Try that one on for size, big guy.”
While Bear chewed on the ladder, Nick kept unpacking. The next bag held a bunch of clothes with the tags still dangling off the sleeves. Pants, shirts, shorts, T-shirts with cartoon characters on them—more clothes than Bear and Tanya had put together.
“I didn’t know what size he needed, but I figure that kids grow, right?” Nick didn’t wait for an answer as he started unpacking another bag. This one was full of more winter clothes, including a huge coat. “So I got some twelve to eighteen months, some eighteen to twenty-four months. You can take them back if they don’t fit.”
Tanya was stunned. How much money did he spend on all of this? A couple hundred at least. To him, it was probably just another day, but all of this stuff was more than she could afford in a year of careful scrimping and saving. How sad was it that she was even considering returning some of it just to get the cash? She could get enough to take Bear to a doctor, maybe even enough to pay for the prescription this time.
Nick took a pair of winter boots and a cute stuffed bear out of the last bag. “Here you go, Bear. Your very own bear.”
Bear grabbed at the animal. Tanya felt her head shaking. Nick had come prepared, and Bear was too young to know he was being bought off.
“This is too much,” she started to say, but Nick cut her off.
“The toddler bed is back-ordered, so it’ll be two weeks.” He ducked his head and shot her a sheepish smile. “I couldn’t figure out the car seat, though. Might need a little help with that.”
“We can’t accept this.” She didn’t have much, but she had her pride. And she wouldn’t let Nick put a price on it.
Nick’s eyes hardened—not much, but enough to let her know that he didn’t think too much of her opinion. “‘We’? Or just you?” He looked down to where Bear was now chewing on his new bear’s nose. “I think he’s happy to have some nice things.”
“Because the only things I can give him are complete and total crap, right?” Tanya struggled to keep her voice calm, but she didn’t do a good enough job. Bear looked up at her with worried eyes.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Admit it—you don’t think I’m a good mother.”
“I didn’t say that.” Nick had the same controlled, pissed tone to his voice. “Stop putting words into my mouth.”
“Where else should I put them? I have a few suggestions.”
She expected Nick to come back at her with both barrels blazing, but instead, he smiled—and then laughed. Bear watched them for another moment before he broke out in a toothy grin and went back to chewing on his toy.
“What?” she demanded, feeling foolish and not knowing why.
He closed the distance between them in two long steps, and before Tanya could stop him or react at all, he’d wrapped his arms around her and placed a fire-hot kiss on her forehead. “I know you won’t believe this, but I have missed you, Tanya. No one in Chicago talks to me like you do.”
Tanya’s arms shook with the effort not to return the favor and pull Nick’s hard chest closer to hers. She wasn’t being swayed by any compliment, any tender gesture. None of this was working. Really.
He leaned down, his voice quiet and only inches from her ear. The warmth of his breath rolled down her skin until a lot more than her arms shook. “I’m going to be here for at least a year. You don’t have to love me, babe, but let me see my son. A boy should know his father.”
That was a damnably low blow, one that blew past her anger and went straight for her heartstrings. Who would she be hurting if she fought to keep Bear from Nick? Sure, she could exact some revenge for Nick’s repeated abandonment of her. But in the long run, it was Bear who would suffer. Would she really do that to her son?
Could she really do that to Nick?
As if he could feel that the attention of the adults had shifted away from him, Bear launched the teddy and began to flail. Tanya took a step toward him, but Nick put a hand on her shoulder. “I got him,” he said, a peaceful smile on his face.
Tanya watched as the man of her dreams swooped her son up into a big hug and then grabbed a board book and settled down to read him a story about a very hungry caterpillar. Tears swam across her vision.
She couldn’t keep Bear from Nick. She just couldn’t.
But what would letting Nick back into her life do to her?
Chapter 5
Throughout the evening, Nick could feel Tanya watching him. She stared while he read Bear stories. She kept an eagle eye on him as he and Bear rolled a ball back and forth on the floor. And she hovered behind him as Nick fumbled his way through his first diaper change. She didn’t tell him he was doing it wrong, though. Hell, she didn’t say anything. She just watched.
Nick didn’t remember all the words to the bedtime song Tanya had sung the other night, so he stuck with the classic “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” Of course, while he sang it, Tanya stood in the doorway of the small bedroom, a look on her face that drifted between irritated and hopeful, with a dash of worried thrown in for good measure.
In other words, she looked confused.
That bothered Nick. What about this situation wasn’t black and white? He was Bear’s father, and as such, he had certain rights and obligations. He had a right to spend time with his son, and a correlating obligation to provide financial assistance for his care. Now that Nick was aware of the situation, he planned to step up to the plate and be a father.
So the situation with his son couldn’t be what was worrying Tanya, which only left one other possibility. She was worried about him.
And that bothered him, and the fact that it bothered him was a problem in and of itself. When the hell had he gotten to be such a nice guy? He had the legal upper hand here, and they both knew it. Tanya had admitted Bear had health problems and that she couldn’t afford proper medical treatment. Gaining custody would be a walk in the park. If he were still in Chicago, he’d use those facts to maximize his advantage.