funeral. A week ago? It seemed like years.
She felt a touch to her shoulder and spun.
“Hey.” Matthew Zelinsky searched her face. His blue eyes were dark with concern. “What are you doing over here?”
Annie’s throat went dry. “Shopping. What about you?”
“Same.” He shrugged as he glanced at her empty cart save for a bunch of bananas. Jack had loved bananas.
Matthew placed his empty basket on the floor and then lifted her bundle of fruit and put it back on the shelf. He took her by the hand. “Come on.”
Annie didn’t argue. She followed him outside into the cold, damp night. Snow banks still loomed high in the parking lot but had melted some from the day’s rain. Dirt and silt covered their tops. Thin layers of ice shone in the overhead lights where puddles had been. The end of March wasn’t pretty in northern Michigan.
Her breath blew cold smoke in front of her. “I saw you at the funeral, but you were gone before I could even talk to you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He opened the passenger side of his pickup truck for her and she climbed in. The truck was big and loaded. Jack had gone with him at the end of January to pick it out. Off-season.
Matthew got in, started the engine and cranked up the heat.
She leaned back against the plush seats and sighed. “Nice truck. Do you like it?”
“Yeah, it’s great.” He turned toward her. “How are you?”
She shrugged, knowing she couldn’t put on a grand performance with Matthew. He knew her too well. “How am I supposed to be?”
“I don’t know.” He gave her a slanted smile. “If you figure it out, let me know.”
They sat in silence a moment. The only noise was the whirl of the heater. Matthew reached for her hand and she held on. There wasn’t anything either of them could say to make it better or worse. They both loved Jack. And now he was gone.
“I’m heading out in the morning.”
Annie felt another stab of loss.
Matthew was Jack’s best friend and first mate on a Great Lakes freighter where they’d worked together for years. Matthew had been the one to find Jack dead in his cabin after they’d been on the lakes only a week into the shipping season. Their freighter had loaded up at the calcite plant in Roger’s City around the time of Jack’s funeral, allowing some to attend.
Matthew had remained home a while longer, but his job wouldn’t wait forever. He had to go, catching ship at their next port.
“Have you got a new captain?” Her voice cracked on the last word. Jack’s title.
“An older guy, well experienced, has hired on for this season at least before retiring. So, we’ll see.”
Annie nodded. Maybe Matthew would move into Jack’s role in time. Jack had said he was ready.
Matthew flipped back the console between them and scooted over, gathering Annie into his arms. “I’m so sorry.”
She held him tight. “Me, too.”
He pulled back, his eyes watery and bright. “I let you down, Annie.”
“No, you didn’t.” She shook her head and cupped his dear face. Matthew was her friend, too. What could he have possibly done to change what had happened to Jack? “It’s only been a week, but I miss him.”
Matthew kneaded her shoulders. “I know.”
She welcomed the warmth of that rough massage. “Why did you leave right after the funeral?”
“I don’t know.” His voice softened. “I had to get away.”
Annie chuckled. She’d felt the same way. She would have bolted if she could have gotten away with it. But the whole town had been there. Many of Jack’s crew, too. And her mother-in-law would have tracked her down and dragged her back had she run.
“So, where’ve you been?” He hadn’t stopped by but once to drop off Jack’s things. She hadn’t been home at the time. Returning from a walk, she’d missed him.
He let his hands drop from her shoulders and shrugged, not looking at her. “I was in the UP for a few days.”
Annie nodded, wishing she could have escaped town for a while, too. A few times during the off-season, Jack had gone to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to snowmobile with Matthew and his brothers. Jack had loved it. She patted Matthew’s jeans-clad knee. “Well, be careful driving to catch ship.”
He glanced at her hand and then studied her face. “I will.”
She searched his serious expression. Something had changed in him. Annie could feel it. Something had changed in her, too. She pulled her hand back.
Matthew looked at her mouth.
Her heart pounded in her ears as he leaned closer and brushed his lips over hers. Featherlight and hesitant. He rested his forehead against hers and sighed. “Annie...”
Maybe he waited for encouragement or a sign to stop, but she could give neither. Matthew was warm and comforting. He understood her loss because he felt it, too.
Jack had left them both behind.
Matthew gripped her waist with big, strong hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.” They were repeating themselves.
A small voice warned her to back away, but she sought his lips once more. A comforting kiss between friends still grieving, that’s all it was. A reminder that they hadn’t died, too, even though it felt like they had.
But as the kiss grew deeper and more insistent, Annie fought against the sensation of drowning. Breathing hard, she pulled away. Her eyes burned like hot coals blistering with shame. How could she?
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
“Me, too.” His voice wasn’t steady, either.
Annie looked at the regret-filled horror on Matthew’s face. She silently counted, but it was too late. She lost it.
April
“I can’t be.” Annie stared at the results with blurry eyes.
Fifteen years she’d been married to Jack. Ten of those years they’d tried to have a baby with no success. She’d switched to an organic diet, tried herbal remedies, fertility pills and shots that had made her sick, but nothing had worked.
Five years ago, she quit the ballet troupe in Grand Rapids and moved north with Jack to Maple Springs and set up shop as a dance instructor. Annie had gained a little weight since then but never enough. She’d never conceived. She’d accepted her fate and moved on.
But Jack had never stopped hoping.
Annie grabbed the box and reread the instructions. She’d followed them implicitly. How hard was it? She glanced at the test strip. The symbol was definitely showing a plus sign instead of a negative. And that plus sign grew darker.
Her stomach turned over. “Oh, Jack...”
Was this God’s idea of a cruel joke? All these years they’d tried and failed. According to this test, they’d finally succeeded. But Jack would never see his own child. She closed her eyes, remembering the romantic Valentine’s getaway they’d enjoyed at a ski resort near Traverse City. Neither of them skied, but Annie had been given a gift certificate from one of her clients for Christmas.
Was that when— If so, in a few months her belly would show and her in-laws would be