real animated. Kind of like Vanni was that day she made me watch the childbirth movie.”
“Yeah. I’m not experienced enough to know how early is too early. I thought about calling John…” Then he smiled at Paul and said, “I see you made it right down here. Good thinking. You make any progress with Vanni?”
That changed Paul’s expression. “When I drove up to the house today I caught her out at the grave, crying. I told you—she’s still on real shaky ground.”
“My advice—which, by the way, Mel says I am not, under pain of death allowed to give—is be sure you’re around when the ground stops shaking.”
“Jack, I should talk to you about a couple of things. This whole business with Vanni—it just keeps getting more complicated.”
“Yeah?”
“For one thing, I have some pretty stiff competition…”
“Oh, yeah? Join the club, my brother.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Mel’s husband was a doctor.”
“Yeah,” he said. “An E.R. doctor. A saver of lives who, by all accounts, was also perfect in every other aspect of his life.” He swallowed. “He was neat, smart, humorous and probably great in bed. A fucking god.”
“You didn’t stand a chance, intellectually speaking,” Paul said.
“I know it,” Jack said. “And yet…”
“I need to talk to you about a couple of things,” Paul said. “Maybe you’ll point me in the right direction.”
“Paul, you don’t need my input. You just have to tell her how you feel.”
He hung his head briefly. “I don’t think it’s gonna be that simple. I think I might come by in the morning. So we can talk.”
“Come by the house then,” he said. “I try not to get too far away these days. I haven’t been coming into the bar until a little later in the morning.”
When Paul sat beside Vanessa again, she looked at him with sparkling aquamarine eyes and he almost melted. His very next thought was how he’d probably see those eyes flash in pure rage when he unburdened himself. She had a fire in her, and he’d seen a hint of that earlier today, out by the grave. It caused a shudder to pass through him. Then he noticed her hand was resting on her thigh, right next to him, and he reached for it, holding it under the table.
It was still early when they got back to the general’s house. Vanni took a little time alone with the baby, nursing him and settling him for the night. While she was busy, Walt built a fire. Then he went down the hall, leaving Paul alone in the great room.
Paul wanted a drink, but he didn’t dare. He was afraid it would loosen him up, make him either talk too much or do too much. Then Vanni joined him. She’d brushed out her hair and it fell in silky curves onto her shoulders, glistening in the firelight, making him want to scrunch it up in his hands.
“Where’s Dad?” she asked, curling up in the big leather chair beside his.
“He fixed up the fire and left the room,” Paul said. “It’s kind of early for him to turn in, isn’t it?”
“Maybe he’ll be right back. Can I get you anything? A nightcap?”
“No, thanks,” he said a little nervously. “So—rumor has it the doctor was here last week…”
She smiled. “Mel was right. If there’s anything you want to keep secret, get out of this town!”
“Did you want that to be a secret?” he asked, lifting his brows.
“No reason for that,” she said with a shrug. “I didn’t invite him. Yes, he came to town. I showed him around, had dinner at Jack’s, took him for a ride. He’s not great on a horse.” She grinned.
“How is he off the horse?” Paul heard himself ask.
She laughed at him, then said, “Cameron seems to be a very nice man. But then, we knew that.”
“A woman in your position—you’d probably be very interested in someone like him,” he said.
“Well, Paul, I have to admit, it’s nice to finally have a man pay a little romantic attention to me. It’s been a very long time. I know I haven’t been widowed all that long—but it’s been almost a year since…” Her voice trailed off and she looked away.
“Since?” he said, talking like a man who had had that drink.
She let her gaze drift back with a mysterious half smile on her lips. Vanni almost laughed, wondering how poor Paul would react if she said, “Since someone melted my bones with an orgasm…” A secret chuckle escaped her. Paul was sweet and affectionate, but far too taciturn. She reminded herself to treat him gently. He was very cautious with women. If he weren’t, he’d have been married years ago with a flock of children by now. “Since anything, Paul,” she said. “Anything at all.”
“Sorry,” he said, dropping his chin. “I didn’t mean to get so personal…”
She laughed at him. “Paul, you weren’t this shy with me when I was delivering Mattie. What’s going on?”
He took a breath. “Vanni, Vanni…I have things to explain. Difficult things. I know I don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d have complications in his life. I seem more like the kind of guy who has no life at all. But before Matt…Before I came down here to finish Jack’s house…I went out sometimes, you know?”
She laughed a little. “Paul, even though you never said anything, and I know you’re kind of shy around women, I assumed—”
“Stupid,” he said, interrupting. “I’m mostly stupid around women.”
“Uncertain, maybe. But under the right circumstances…”
“Exactly,” he said, almost relieved. “Under the right circumstances things can happen that you just don’t expect.”
She frowned slightly. “Paul, I understand you went out with women. Why wouldn’t you? You’re a handsome, single man.”
“It’s about me being a little absent since Mattie was born…I have a situation to work out.”
“A situation in Grants Pass?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said, rubbing a hand across the back of his sweaty neck. He took a breath. “Before I came down here last fall, I went out with a woman a couple of times. Just a casual thing. Nothing serious. But then the whole goddamn world shifted, Matt was killed, Mattie was due, I stayed here with you, we got a lot closer during that time. It might’ve been all about Matt and the baby at first, but that’s irrelevant—we got real close. You and me.”
“As close as brother and sister?” she asked him softly, hopeful about what could be coming.
“A lot closer than that, Vanni. At least in my mind. Then I went back to Grants Pass and not that much had changed there. I had changed, boy had I changed, but things back home were…”
“The same?” she asked. And she thought, there’s a woman in Grants Pass. Someone who had perhaps become important to him. “That woman you went out with a couple of times—when did you meet her?”
“Why?” he asked, perplexed.
“When?”
“God,” he said, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I don’t know. About a year ago, I guess.”
“A year ago? Jesus, Paul. Why didn’t you just tell me!”
“Tell you what?”
“There’s a woman! All this time, there’s been a woman!”
“No.