visits. According to Rosie, she hadn’t come every day until recently. Actually, what Rosie said was she hadn’t come every day until Buck showed up. She’d said it with a mixture of teasing and annoyance.
“You can’t stay. Have you forgotten?”
“You make sure I don’t forget.”
“If things were different, I would welcome you. You know it.”
He nodded. “Things will never be different.”
“I know, but I hope my kids can be free of our fear.”
His staying put her hope at risk. He should be on his way, but still he stayed. Always giving himself one more day. Promising tomorrow he would tell Kathleen he had to leave. Then finding some excuse not to inform her, thus giving him a reason to linger one more day.
“You’ll go to the Thanksgiving service with her, won’t you?”
Rosie hesitated. “I’m thinking about it.”
“It’s your chance to leave the past behind.”
“I know. To be honest, Kathleen makes me want to be closer to God.”
“Me, too.”
A knock informed them Kathleen had arrived. Rosie nodded at him to answer the door. “I’ve got Lilly.” They both knew it was not the reason.
Buck’s growing affection for Kathleen would only make it harder to leave. His heart wanted to see her and enjoy her company one more day. One more day to fill his insides to brimming with her sweet presence.
But one more day would never be enough.
Gritting his teeth, he pushed away the temptation to ignore the reality of his life and stay. Let people find out about his pa. Let them do what they wanted. It would be worth it to enjoy day after day of seeing Kathleen … Kathleen with the rich and powerful father.
What was he thinking? Her father had the power to destroy not only his life but also Rosie’s and the children’s. He had the power to make Kathleen’s life miserable.
Buck vowed he’d leave before he’d allow that to happen.
He opened the door and smiled a welcome that echoed in Kathleen’s eyes. Could it be she was growing fond of him, too? She’d been outspoken in her admiration, which he found endearing.
Growing fondness on her part put her future at risk, too. Her mere association with him and Rosie could destroy her. He had no wish to hurt her. For her sake he must leave soon.
Just one more day. Even better—a special outing. The idea was perfect.
He lifted her coat from her shoulders and hung it beside his own. Perhaps some of her sweet flower scent would cling permanently to his jacket, and he could think of her every time he donned it. Not that he would need such a reminder. He would carry her in his heart.
“This is wonderful weather for November,” he said, setting up the discussion for his intended suggestion. Snow had fallen a week or two ago and the temperature had been cold enough to freeze the ground, but otherwise it was pleasant enough for the time of year.
“Don’t be fooled into complacency,” Rosie warned. “Things could change any day now.”
“All the more reason to take advantage of it while we can.”
Kathleen and Rosie both stared at him and the little boys clustered around his knees, but Rosie was the one to demand an explanation. “What did you have in mind?”
“A picnic.”
Rosie snorted. “It might only be November but it feels a lot like winter to my way of thinking.”
“Why not?” He silently appealed to Kathleen, who showed a flicker of interest. “I could rent a wagon and we could go to a pond. The kids could play on the ice and we could have a big fire. Then enjoy cocoa and sandwiches. How does that sound?” He directed his question to the kids, knowing they would show more enthusiasm than the women.
“Fun,” Junior said.
“Fun,” Mattie echoed.
“Sure.” Joey was more guarded. Perhaps because he’d spent his share of time out in the elements.
Buck turned to Rosie first. “What do you think?”
“So long as it’s not cold.”
He turned to Kathleen. “You in?”
Her eyes gleamed. “I’m invited?”
“Of course.” It was the reason for his idea. “Tomorrow?”
Rosie looked at the little ones. “I could feed them an early lunch so they can have their naps. That way we can enjoy the warmest part of the day.”
“Then it’s a plan.” Buck scrubbed his hands together. One more special memory to take with him when he left.
One more excuse for delaying his departure.
The children were excited about the planned picnic, so Rosie took longer than normal to get them settled for their naps. Buck held Joey and wondered if he would have the same difficulty, but Joey soon nodded off. Buck held him even after Kathleen whispered that he had fallen asleep. He found comfort in the small body curled against him. At least he would have this bit of human contact when he left. The idea provided only a little comfort. Having met Kathleen, he now knew it would never be enough to have Joey, though he loved the boy beyond measure.
After a few minutes, he carried Joey into the bedroom. When he returned, he pulled out a bit of wood he had begun carving.
“What are you making?” Kathleen asked.
“A little horse for Joey. Watching him enjoy the toys Rosie’s children have made me realize how few things Joey has. I intend to remedy it.”
Her hands grew still. “You’re a good father. Are there other things Joey needs that you might have overlooked, do you suppose?”
She didn’t need to spell it out. He knew what she meant—the boy needed a permanent home. He agreed. But it didn’t change the facts of his life—namely that people weren’t prepared to let him enjoy such luxury.
He felt her watching him. Tried to ignore it but his resistance proved fragile. He lifted his head and let her search his thoughts. Yes, Joey needed a real home. So did Buck. In his deepest, most secret dreams, he longed for the acceptance she hinted he deserved.
He knew it was a fleeting mirage.
“Joey and I will survive the best way we know how.”
Slowly her expression changed, softening. “I think you are close to wanting to belong.”
“Wanting to belong has never been in question.” He closed his mouth firmly. He yearned to tell her everything but he dare not. It would surely put an end to her friendship. Not only with himself but also with Rosie, and Rosie didn’t deserve to be robbed of Kathleen’s acceptance. He pulled his gaze away and concentrated on the horse he shaped. “I think Joey will enjoy this toy.”
“I’m sure he will.” She didn’t say anything for a spell. “Can I bring the hot cocoa for tomorrow?”
“If you like.”
Rosie joined them. “I’ll make sandwiches. You know, Buck, this is a good idea. I’m looking forward to an outing.”
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