I promise I am usually much more proper and much less fanciful.”
“You were not rambling, my dear, and I thought we agreed on Devlin. I do believe I shall never take a simple garden lightly again.” He paused a moment, then went on, “I admit I had an ulterior motive for wanting to share your terrace.”
This had lifted her face, and he noticed questioning apprehension in her posture. “It is nothing untoward or nefarious, Nicole.” He did take a more serious turn, however. “I know it is not my business, but you say you will never marry. I should like to know why.” He went on hurriedly, thinking that even as he asked it, he felt a niggling desire that it were not so. “I find it surprising that such a delightful, intelligent woman should disdain that illustrious institution.”
He sensed another of her inner battles raging and felt a little remorse that he had broken the pleasant mood. Once again, she surprised him.
“I do not suppose my reasons much different from your own. I am aware that is a great presumption on my part, as we have not yet discussed your reasons for avoiding it, but I suspect that both are based on the general premise that we should be better off unmarried.”
“That is very vague, Nicole. If you would rather not confide in me, you may certainly tell me to mind my own affairs.”
“I have no reluctance to discuss it. It is more that while you may understand my overall desire to escape the institution … as a man you may not comprehend additional personal reasons.”
“As a man I may not. As a friend I would certainly try.”
“That was very prettily said, sir.” She sighed and gave a resigned shrug to her shoulders. “I suppose I should most object to relinquishing my freedom. I believe one reason is a result of my upbringing. My father allowed me such free rein, and you already know how much I enjoy sharing the daily management of Beaufort Hall with Ben, our bailiff. I have yet to meet a man who would allow me that partnership.”
She was relaxed again, but her thoughts had turned inward. He did not wish to interrupt her contemplation. She finally said, “I thought once that I had, but it came to nothing.”
He was surprised that jealousy had been his first response; he knew instantly he had no right to be so. “You have had your heart broken and fear it happening again?”
She laughed softly. “Michael has no bearing on my decision. We were engaged for a brief time, but he found … We found we did not suit.” She took a short pause. “No, it is a matter of freedom, as I have said. I should be quite content, I think, to live out my days surrounded by family and friends. But it provides me independence as well.” She forthrightly asked him, “Does that shock you, my lord?”
It seemed a well-rehearsed answer to him. Perhaps, like him, she had deeper reasons that she did not wish to share. He wanted to ask more about her broken engagement, but she seemed reticent. Instead, he simply replied, “No, Nicole, that does not shock me. You are an intelligent woman and there is no reason you should have to hide it. However, I would assume that as a female you might regret the loss of having children. In fact, as a male I sometimes feel the loss. Of course I must provide an heir at some point, but I flatter myself that children would be a joy to me, even now.”
“It has been a very serious consideration, Devlin. To own the truth, it is the only cause of melancholy whenever I reflect on it. You understand what is due to your name, and you meet every eligible woman in Society. Eventually, it will happen for you and you will have that happiness.”
He was frustrated that the newness of their acquaintance denied him the liberty to investigate further, while actually feeling as if he had known her for years. He decided to try a different tack. “Suppose you fell in love with a man who would allow you the freedom you desire?”
“I can only say that the freedom you understand differs extremely from mine. But I can just as easily turn the question back on you. Would finding a woman who would not curb your independence change your mind? Would the hope of children to carry on your name override your aversion to marriage?”
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