only have two nights off and I have things I want to accomplish,” she hedged. She had intended to start cleaning out the second bedroom in her apartment to turn it into a nursery.
“This is the future of our baby, Jessie.” The earnest expression on his handsome face made her feel guilty and she found herself nodding in agreement in spite of her need to put distance between them.
Fifteen minutes later, Jessie stared at the small bowl of fresh fruit, a honey-wheat bagel with cream cheese, scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, a glass of orange juice and a tall glass of milk sitting on a tray on the edge of Nate’s desk. “Whose army were you intending to feed?” she asked. “I can’t eat all of this.”
“Rosemary said you needed the protein and fruit as well as the calcium in the milk and vitamin C from the orange juice,” he said, shrugging as he lowered himself into the armchair beside her. “She said it would be good for both you and the baby.”
Jessie’s eyes widened. “You told your housekeeper I’m pregnant?”
He nodded. “She has six kids and fifteen grandkids. They’re all healthy and I figured if anyone would know what your nutritional needs are now that you’re pregnant, she would.”
While she appreciated his thoughtfulness, Jessie wasn’t entirely certain she was comfortable with him telling others about the baby until they had worked out an agreement they could both live with. But she wasn’t going to argue with him about it now. They had bigger issues to settle.
“You said you wanted to work out custody and visitation?” she asked, picking up the fork on the tray to take a bite of the fluffy scrambled eggs.
He shook his head, then took a deep breath as if what he was about to say was extremely difficult for him. “None of that will be necessary once we’re married.”
She stopped with the fork halfway to her mouth. “Excuse me?”
“We’ll do the right thing and get married,” he repeated as if it was the answer to all of their problems.
Her appetite deserting her, Jessie slowly placed the fork full of eggs back on the plate and shook her head. “No, we won’t.”
“Sure we will,” he said, reaching to take her hand in his. “I’ve already qualified for the National Finals. I’ll skip the rodeo this coming weekend and we can have the wedding here. Or if you prefer, we can fly to Vegas and have a reception for family and friends at a later date.”
Jerking her hand from his, she stood up to pace the length of the room. “Have you lost your ever-loving mind? I’m not going to marry you.”
He rose to his feet and, walking over to her, placed his hands on her shoulders to stare down at her from his much taller height. “I didn’t mean to upset you, darlin’. I’m pretty sure it’s not good for you or the baby.”
“How would you know?” she demanded, glaring up into his incredible blue eyes. “How many times have you been pregnant?”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “This is a first for both of us.”
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t get the point, even if I explained it to you.” She shook her head. “I didn’t come here to tell you that I’m having a baby because I wanted you to marry me. I simply thought you should know that you’d fathered a child. Period. If you want to be part of the baby’s life, I won’t try to stop you. But I’m not part of the deal, Nate. We can work something out so that we’re both involved with raising this baby, but that doesn’t mean we’ll be involved with each other.”
He took a deep breath. “I realize that’s what we could do, Jessie. But making you my wife is what I want.”
“No, it’s not, Nate.” She had hoped to hear him say those words for over two years, but she knew better than to believe he really wanted to get married. He’d broken up with her too many times for her to believe any such thing. “You might think that now. But we both know you’ll lose interest within a few weeks and then you’d not only resent me and the baby for trapping you into doing something you didn’t want to do, we’d be facing the heartbreak of a divorce.”
“That’s not going to happen, Jessie. When I make that commitment, it’s for life.” He ran his hand through his thick, straight hair. “I know I’ve let you down before, but—”
“Stop right there,” she said, holding up her hand. “That’s something else we need to get straight right here and now. I’m a big girl and I have no one else to blame but myself for allowing you to come and go in my life the way you’ve done. But the stakes are higher now, Nate. Disappointing me is one thing, but I refuse to allow you to upset our son or daughter. This is our child—my child—we’re discussing and I swear I’ll fight you with everything that’s in me if you don’t grow up and be there when he or she needs you. Being a parent isn’t a game or something you run from whenever you get tired of playing the devoted daddy. It means you’re there twenty-four/seven, no matter how tough it gets. If you can’t handle that, then I’d rather you don’t even bother.”
“Jessie, I give you my word that from now on, you and the baby are my top priority,” he said, sounding sincere. He slid his hands from her shoulders down her arms to catch her hands in his. “I want us to get married and be a family. And I swear I will never cause you another minute of heartache.”
“Then why did you make it sound as if you were going to be accepting responsibility for a crime instead of asking me to marry you?” she asked bluntly. “Did you even listen to yourself?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking bewildered.
“No woman wants to enter into a marriage with a man knowing that she was ‘the right thing’ for him to do,” she said, shaking her head. “Besides, you had to take a deep breath before you could even get out that you want to make me your wife.”
He stared at her for several long seconds before he finally spoke again. “Just give us a chance—give me a chance—darlin’. This is all new to me.”
“Nate, I’ve already given you more chances than you deserve,” she said, refusing to believe that this time would be any different than the others. He was only offering marriage because of the baby, not because he loved her and wanted them to build a life together.
“Do you have some vacation time you can take?” he asked suddenly.
“Yes, but I’m saving it for after the baby is born so that I can extend my maternity leave,” she explained, wondering why he wanted to know.
“When is your next doctor’s appointment?” he continued to question her.
“I have an ultrasound scheduled in two weeks,” she answered. “Why are you asking about all of this?”
“I’d like for you to be here for the party tonight, then stay with me for the next couple of weeks,” he said. He paused for a moment as if catching his breath. “Let me prove to you that getting married is what I want.”
“I don’t see how that’s going to work,” she pointed out. “You normally take a few more weeks than that to lose interest. Besides, you had to take a deep breath before you could tell me you wanted to prove how much you want us to get married. That doesn’t instill a lot of confidence for the case you’re trying to make. And all I’m hearing is what you want. Have you even considered what I want?”
He gave her a short nod before he asked, “What do you want, Jessie?”
“I want you to be a good father and love our child,” she said slowly. “That’s more important to me than anything else.”
“I already love the baby and I give you my word that I’ll be the best daddy I can possibly be.”
She noticed that he failed to include her with his declaration. If she hadn’t known before that the only reason he was offering marriage was because of