Eight
What had she been thinking?
There was no question in Carolina Mason’s mind that returning to her hometown, Haven, Texas, was a bad idea.
Too many complications. Too many memories. Most of all, too much heartbreak.
And yet here she was. What few household goods she owned were now unpacked in her late great-uncle’s cabin, where she’d made up a room for herself and one for her two-year-old son, Matty.
If she had any sense in this head of hers, she’d ignore all the rational reasons she’d come back to Haven in the first place, pack up her sedan again and go back from whence she’d come.
If there was a back.
Which there wasn’t.
The truth was, she had ultimately returned to Haven because, to her own shame and mortification, she had nowhere else to go.
She was facing a fairly insurmountable problem, as she saw it. No health, no home, no job and not much of an opportunity to get one. If it was just her life in the balance, she might have resisted the urge to return.
But this wasn’t about her. It was about Matty. He needed the stability the small town offered, which she could not otherwise give him.
Uncle Mort’s cabin was available to her rent-free. Where else would she find a deal like that? And though returning home wasn’t exactly a typical fresh start, no other choices had presented themselves. She had to take what she could get.
Besides, she had important, possibly critical legal news to deliver to Bea Brewster, the director of the local boys ranch, information Carolina knew they were anxiously waiting on. The kind of news that was better delivered in person.
Since that was her first order of business after unloading all of her personal belongings, she headed to the boys ranch as soon as the moving truck had left her uncle’s premises.
She paused at the door to the front office of the boys ranch and ran a palm down the denim of her jeans, considering her options for about the hundredth time that week. In one hand she clutched her purse, which contained the legal document the boys ranch director was awaiting. Matty clung tightly to her opposite arm, his hand squeezing hers.
He was usually an outgoing and curious toddler, but at the moment he was hiding behind Carolina and peeking out at his surroundings from around her leg.
Her heart clenched. She suspected her son’s sudden shyness was due to his picking up on her nerves and anxiety. The poor child had had enough change, with his entire life being uprooted, without having the challenge of immediately adapting to his new surroundings.
“It’s okay, little man. You and Mama are going to be just fine. You’ll see.” She affectionately and—she hoped—encouragingly ruffled his dark hair.
“Carolina!” Receptionist Katie Ellis exited through the front door of the office, a pink canvas lunch tote hanging from her elbow. “What a nice surprise!”
Any thoughts Carolina might have had of skipping town without being recognized dissipated into thin air as she nodded at her friend. Katie was a few years younger than Carolina but they had gotten to know each other while volunteering at community events and had become friends.
“It’s good to see you,” Carolina said, hoping the strain she was feeling didn’t echo in her voice. “Still working for the boys ranch, I see. It’s been a long time.”
“Too long,” Katie agreed, racing forward to envelop Carolina in an enthusiastic hug. “How many years has it been, do you think?”
“Three.” Carolina sighed inwardly, the ache in her chest growing. She knew exactly how long it had been since she’d last been in Haven. Not just to the year, but to the month. Even to the day.
Katie grasped Carolina’s elbow and turned them both back toward her office.
“I don’t want to interrupt your lunch hour,” Carolina protested. “I can come back later.”
“Nonsense.” She held up her tote. “It’s only a salad, and I’m heartily tired of eating greens every day. But wouldn’t you know I have to perpetually diet just to keep my figure.” She shrugged and grinned. “What’s a single woman to do? Anyway, lunch will wait. I want to hear all about you. What’s been happening in your life since you left Haven?”
Katie dropped into her chair behind the desk and gestured for Carolina to take a seat.
“I can see at least one thing has changed,” Katie said with a giggle, gesturing at Matty.
Carolina tried to pull a wiggling Matty onto her lap, but he protested loudly and tried to squirm away.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized to Katie. “I promise I’ll fill you in, but I need to get Matty settled first.”
She set him down on the floor by her feet and fished around in her oversize purse, triumphantly retrieving two toy cars. “Here you go, buddy. One for each fist. Stay close and play quietly, please.”
Matty was already distracted, his attention on the little police car and fire truck he held in his hands.
Carolina returned her attention to Katie.
Katie leaned back in her seat and smiled. “Obviously you didn’t have any trouble catching a man’s eye, now did you? You look exactly the same as the day you left Haven. Or prettier, even. And you had a baby? Are you and your husband planning to move back to town with your sweet little boy?” Katie stopped hammering Carolina with questions long enough to give her a once-over. “I have to say I am seriously envious of your figure right now. How do you do it?”
Carolina bit back a bitter laugh. The compliment was sincere and well meant, but she was perfectly aware that the person who’d left Haven in such a rush three years ago was not even remotely the same as the woman who’d returned. She was older now, hopefully a little wiser, and infinitely worse for the wear.
Physically, emotionally and spiritually. If she had kept her figure, it was because she was too stressed to eat most of the time.
Life had come full circle for her, and she was back in Haven, where she’d once found her deepest peace, her grandest love and her greatest heartbreak. She’d been pregnant and troubled when she’d left town.
The biggest change in her life was that she’d become a Christian while she’d been away, living in Colorado with a friend. She was still learning what her faith entailed. Trust didn’t come easy to her, and thinking about God as a loving Father was still a concept she wrestled with. Her own father hadn’t exactly been a good role model.
When she’d first escaped to Colorado and had no money to buy the food she’d needed to help her have a healthy pregnancy, folks from a nearby church had reached out to help her. They’d not only shared their food but their faith, and now it was Carolina’s precarious trust in God’s love and mercy that kept her going, knowing He held the future, even when from her perspective it was all jumbled up.
She prayed returning home was the right decision, that she would be able to recover some of the peace she’d once had.
But love?
That