he could point out any more of her deficiencies.
* * *
Her phone rang just as she was getting out of the shower that evening. She wrapped a bath sheet around her and sprinted for her bedroom, where the closest handset was. ‘‘Hello?’’
‘‘We have to talk,’’ Derek said without preamble.
‘‘There isn’t anything to talk about.’’
‘‘You know that’s not true,’’ he said. ‘‘Kris, you can’t just cut yourself out of Mollie’s life so suddenly. She depends on you.’’
‘‘It’s not like I’m moving to California. I’ll be two miles away.’’
‘‘But she sees you almost every day.’’
‘‘All right.’’ She threw an exasperated hand into the air even though he couldn’t see her. ‘‘I’ll come by a couple days a week and have lunch with her after you get a new sitter.’’ She made an effort to soften her tone. ‘‘That way she won’t feel like I’m abandoning her.’’
‘‘I wish you wouldn’t do this.’’ His voice was soft and persuasive.
She wavered, nearly succumbing to the plea. But then she recalled the way he’d refused to take her seriously yesterday. ‘‘I have to,’’ she said equally softly. ‘‘I need to start living my own life, Derek. And so do you.’’
‘‘What does that mean?’’ There was a note of suspicion in his tone now.
She sighed. What could she say that would persuade him to stop trying to change her mind? ‘‘We spend far too much of our free time together.’’
‘‘So?’’
‘‘So we each need to learn to live alone.’’
‘‘Yesterday you wanted to marry me.’’
‘‘Yes,’’ she said steadily, ‘‘I did.’’ If he was trying to get her goat, he was succeeding. ‘‘But you made your position crystal-clear so I might as well accept it.’’
‘‘I think you’re punishing me for telling you no.’’
‘‘I am not!’’ she said indignantly. ‘‘I just think it’s time we all moved on. Deb’s been gone almost three years, and we’ve floated along in the same arrangement we had before she died. It can’t be good for any of us and if it isn’t going to be permanent, then we need to recognize that. I want a family of my own someday and no man is going to be interested in me as long as I’m so involved with you and Mollie.’’ Lordy, she hoped he didn’t take that statement at more than face value. She was already feeling humiliated enough without having him know that she had feelings for him.
There was a heavy silence on the line and she held her breath. Derek could barely stand to have his wife’s name mentioned; how was he going to react to that statement?
Then he sighed. ‘‘Maybe you’re right,’’ he said quietly. ‘‘It isn’t fair of me to monopolize you indefinitely. You’ve been so wonderful with Mollie that it was easy for me to forget you have your own life to live.’’
‘‘Thank you.’’ She had to work to keep her throat from closing up. This was a poor second-best option if she couldn’t have him. It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her entire life. ‘‘I have to go. See you Monday.’’
‘‘Kris?’’ She loved the way he said her nickname. No one else had ever called her that.
‘‘Yes?’’
‘‘I don’t want to lose touch. Promise me you won’t dump us completely.’’
She laughed, perilously close to tears again. ‘‘I’d never do that. You and Mollie are the only family I have.’’
There was a small, warm silence.
‘‘’Night,’’ she said.
‘‘’Night.’’ His voice was affectionate.
Slowly, she hung up the phone and sank down on the side of her bed, heedless of the damp towel, fighting back the sobs that tightened her chest.
As she reached for a tissue, the phone rang again. She checked the caller ID, tempted to ignore it, but when she recognized the voice of the treasurer of the animal sanctuary’s board, she thought she’d better take it. The time was well past nine, not a usual time for him to be calling. She hoped there wasn’t a problem.
Two
She called Derek back moments later.
‘‘Kris,’’ he said patiently before she could get out a word, ‘‘I thought we’d finished this discussion.’’ Apparently he’d checked his caller ID as well.
‘‘Don’t be an ass. I’m calling about something else.’’ Her voice broke, ruining the sharp retort.
‘‘What’s wrong?’’ His voice changed instantly. ‘‘Are you all right?’’
She took a deep breath, striving for calm. ‘‘Cathie Balisle was killed in a collision an hour ago.’’
‘‘What?’’ Derek was instantly diverted from their personal exchange. ‘‘What happened?’’
Cathie Balisle was the executive director of the Appalachian Animal Sanctuary. Kristin’s father had hired her when he’d gotten a million-dollar bequest not long after the sanctuary had opened and she’d turned out to be a perfect choice for the job. ‘‘Drunk driver,’’ Kristin told him. ‘‘Rusty Sheffield just called. I told him I’d call you.’’
‘‘Man, that’s bad news.’’ She could picture him running a hand through his hair like he always did when he was agitated, ruffling the dark waves into disordered spikes. ‘‘I can’t believe it.’’
‘‘I know.’’ Her throat felt too tight to speak. Although they hadn’t been close on a personal basis, Cathie and she had worked on AAS projects together many times, and Cathie had been her father’s choice to head the sanctuary. ‘‘All that energy and drive, just—just gone.’’
Derek exhaled heavily. ‘‘What’s the board going to do?’’
‘‘I doubt anyone’s even thought about that yet,’’ she said, ‘‘but I imagine we’ll advertise immediately. Interview and hire as fast as we possibly can.’’ The sanctuary was a large facility with a big budget and constant management issues. They couldn’t afford to be without an executive director.
‘‘Let me know as soon as you hear when the funeral is. We’ll get a sitter for Mollie so we both can go.’’ Derek’s deep voice was compassionate.
Wryly, she noted that he apparently had forgotten what she’d said about separating their lives, but she didn’t have the energy to battle with him right now. ‘‘Okay.’’
‘‘Thanks for calling. Keep me posted.’’ Derek had taken Paul Gordon’s seat on the board until Kristin had finished college and had time to fill the vacancy. Although he was no longer directly involved in that end of things he still liked to keep abreast of the sanctuary’s agenda.
The following day, Kristin learned that Cathie’s funeral was scheduled for two days later at eleven in the morning.
When she called to tell him, Derek said, ‘‘I’ll close the clinic for a few hours. Sandy says she’ll come over to the house and watch Mollie while we’re gone.’’
‘‘Tell her thank you,’’ Kristin offered.
‘‘I’ll just bring her over when I pick you up at ten-thirty.’’
She hesitated, thinking of her new resolve. ‘‘That’s