I didn’t know what to think. And it was giving me a headache.
When Murphy pulled up in front of my mom’s condo, I opened the door and climbed out of the truck. “Thanks for the ride. Be safe driving home.”
“Just hear him out.”
I nodded. “I will. Good night, Murph. Thanks for everything. Don’t forget to call his dad. I don’t want him to worry.”
I took the elevator upstairs and stood in the hall. I was hesitant to go in because I didn’t want to deal with a million questions from my mom. I couldn’t avoid it forever, though, so I finally decided to plaster a smile across my face and act as if I was totally relieved. My plan was to lie and tell her that he just fell asleep. I opened the door, expecting to see her still sitting in the armchair. Fortunately, it looked as if she’d gone to bed and left one lamp on in the hallway for me.
I got ready for bed as quickly as I could and dove under my sheets in case she got up and asked me what happened. Only a second after I clicked my lamp off there was a knock on my door. She opened it a crack and poked her head in. I cringed.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everybody is safe and sound. Good night.”
I could sense her lingering. But she didn’t say anything else before she eventually closed the door. My phone buzzed with a text so I rolled over and reached towards my bedside table. The phone number wasn’t familiar.
Always in my heart
Trevor had obviously borrowed someone’s phone, which was sweet. But I got sad at the thought that it might be hers. It was probably Nick’s, but I was still hurt by the possibility that it could have been hers. I replied Love You and then thought about how I was going to fix things as I twisted the ring he gave me around my finger.
In the morning, the light peeked through my curtains and brightened the ceiling patterns that I had been staring at all night. It took every ounce of energy I had to slump out of bed and cross the hall to the bathroom. When I saw my face in the mirror, I actually gasped. The rims of my eyelids were blood-red and the dark circles under my eyes made me look like a desiccated vampire.
I stood in the shower and waited for the water to warm me up. I almost didn’t have the motivation to get back out, but my legs were tired of holding me up, so I turned the water off and put a robe on. I didn’t even dry my hair before I shuffled down the hall towards the kitchen to boil water for tea. Trevor was seated at the kitchen bar. He looked a million times worse than I did.
“Morning, sunshine,” he said hoarsely.
I didn’t respond, partly because I was surprised to see him and partly because I didn’t know where to start. My mom had obviously let him in on her way out and I wondered what he had told her. His dark hair stuck up in different directions and he was wearing the same thing he’d had on the night before. The rock from Britannia Beach that I’d had engraved with the Always In My Heart inscription for him was in his hands. He cradled it in his palm as if it were an injured bird. “Thanks for the birthday present. I love it.”
My eyebrows angled together and I walked to the sink to fill the kettle. I was apparently still not in the right frame of mind to sort everything out. I placed the kettle on the stove. I could feel him staring at me as I dropped tea bags in two mugs and waited for the water to boil.
“Deri.” The sound of his voice made my heart ache. “Derian,” he whispered, so softly.
It felt like he wanted to deliver bad news to me. Like break-up kind of bad. I didn’t want to admit that everything I had always wanted was over, but maybe it was impossible for a special childhood friendship that turned into an intense adolescent love to last forever. It felt as if my heart was being peeled into shreds one thin layer at a time. It was excruciating.
“Murphy said you planned a surprise.” He waited for me to respond, but I was too choked up to speak. When I didn’t say anything he exhaled heavily. “I’m so sorry I missed it.”
I looked over my shoulder at him. “Were you out with that woman?”
“No. I was studying with a couple of friends from class all afternoon and we went to the pub for a pint. When I realized it was almost eight, I’d had a few drinks and didn’t think it was a good idea to drive, so I headed over to catch the bus. I would have called, but I don’t know where my phone is. I think it was stolen at the library or fell out of my pocket.” He stopped talking and stood, inching only slightly closer, as if he wasn’t sure how to gauge my mood.
I folded my arms across my chest and leaned my butt against the counter. “What happened between going to the bus and Murphy and me finding you with that woman almost four hours later?”
“I ran into Ethan, the guy in my biology class; you met him at that Halloween party, he was dressed as Muhammad Ali.”
I nodded, not because I remembered Ethan, but because I wanted him to get on with the story.
“Ethan’s girlfriend, Abbi, had texted him saying that she was worried about one of her friends because she couldn’t find her. They belong to a sorority that had a dinner party and it got crashed by a bunch of frat guys who turned it into a kegger. The last time Abbi had seen her friend, she’d been dancing with some guy nobody knew and then they disappeared. Ethan and I headed over to the sorority house to help Abbi look for her. It took a while, but we eventually found her in a laneway, unconscious.”
“Oh my God. Is she okay?”
He shook his head and his forehead creased with stress. “She’d been drugged and her clothes were torn.”
An awful feeling weighed heavy in my stomach, partly because she’d been assaulted and partly because I had been so selfishly worried about something that suddenly seemed so trivial. “That’s horrible. Did they catch the guy?”
“They will. The police questioned everyone after the ambulance left and they know who did it; they’re going to pull surveillance first to make sure the case sticks.”
“Was that Abbi you were walking home?”
“A friend of hers. She asked me if I’d walk her home because she’d had too much to drink. I texted you from Ethan’s phone to tell you there had been an emergency. Didn’t you get it?”
“I did, and at first I was sick with worry, but then we found you and I thought you had lied so you could hang out with someone else.” The kettle started to scream. I turned around and poured water into the mugs.
“Why would I lie?”
“I don’t know. I feel like an idiot for assuming that you were with her in a romantic way. I’m so sorry I didn’t stay and give you a chance to explain.”
Trevor’s arms wrapped around my waist from behind. He hugged me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “I can’t believe you doubted my feelings for you.”
“I was afraid you changed your mind.”
“That will never happen.” He kissed my neck. “From the day I met you, all I wanted was to be near you. And if I’m not here right by your side, guaranteed it’s because something really bad has happened.”
I turned and reached up to touch his face, a face I’d known most of my life. “Don’t even say that. I don’t ever want to lose you.”
“You won’t. You’re the best thing in my life. You always have been and you always will be. I will be yours forever, if you want me.”
I leaned in and kissed him. “You are what I have always wanted and what I will always want.”
He smiled and tipped his head forward until our foreheads rested