thoroughly embarrassed. It was obvious where this conversation was leading.
Joyce pushed his hand away. She smiled at Joey and Dominic before continuing. ‘Last week, or was it the week before – I can’t remember? – but my grandson Joey brought Dominic over here for a meal.’
As his nan paused to slurp some more wine, Joey looked nervously at his grandad. Joey was extremely proud of what he was, but he hadn’t expected this showcase.
With her glass now empty, Joyce poured a refill and carried on. ‘I want everybody here tonight to know something very important. My grandson Joey is a gay man and I couldn’t be happier about it.’
Hilda, Rita and Jock sat open-mouthed as Joycie ordered both Joey and Dominic to stand up. ‘Tell ’em you’re gay, Joey. Go on Dominic, tell ’em you’re both homosexuals,’ she ordered.
Extremely embarrassed, Joey and Dominic looked at one another in horror.
‘Go on tell ’em. I’ve been reading up on the subject and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. One of the Krays was gay and so was that John Inman, you know, he was in that programme, Are You Being Served? Then there was Larry Grayson and Rock Hudson. You tell ’em, boys; there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.’
Dominic was the first to speak. ‘Yes, I am gay,’ he said awkwardly, not knowing where to look.
Joyce patted Joey on the arm. ‘Come on, love. Stand up and be proud. Tell ’em you like a bit of willy.’
‘For fuck’s sake, Joycie,’ Stanley shouted. How could she show him up like this in front of Jock?
Joyce ignored her husband’s pleas and began to cackle. She’d just thought of something extremely funny. She pointed at both Stanley and Jock.
‘Yous two have more in common with these boys than you think. All you ever do is talk about your cocks. And you’re always playing with one another’s.’
As Stanley bolted from the room, Joycie pulled her grandson out of his chair. ‘Now that miserable old goat’s sodded off, you can tell everyone, Joey.’
By this time Joey was as red as a beetroot. ‘I’m gay,’ he whispered.
Clapping her hands with delight, Joyce broke into song. ‘Congratulations and celebrations,’ she sang gleefully.
‘You’re popular, Mitchell,’ the screw said as he waved a pile of letters in front of Eddie.
The post had been up the creek for well over a week now and all the inmates had been up in arms about it. At a time like Christmas, receiving cards and letters was the only thing to keep some of the lags going. One poor sod had hung himself two days ago because he hadn’t heard a word from his wife.
Ed snatched at the letters. ‘Now, now, Mitchell. Where’s your manners? Say thank you.’
Desperate for some correspondence with the outside world, Eddie begrudgingly mumbled the word ‘thanks’. He hated Carter, the new screw on his wing. He was a cocky fucker and seemed to get a kick out of winding the inmates up. Unfortunately for Ed, he hadn’t seen young Johnny or Fred since the day he’d attacked Big Baz. Word had it that both had been suspended, then moved to another wing.
Eddie had the cell all to himself as Stuart was at a meeting with his brief. Feeling excited, Ed studied the envelopes and put the letters in order. He knew who most of them were from by the handwriting or postcode, but there were two or three he didn’t recognise at all.
He read the two sent from his uncles first. Neither Reg nor Albert ever seemed to have much of interest to say, but he still enjoyed receiving their letters. In prison, any contact with the outside world was better than none.
Eddie immediately recognised the handwriting on the next two he opened. Both his Aunts, Vi and Joan, had become a bit shaky in their old age and their writing stood out like a sore thumb. Ed laughed out loud as he read what Joan had written about her recent visit. Reg had brought her up to see him last week and Eddie had happened to mention how much he hated Carter, the new screw on his wing.
When the bell rang, Carter had picked on Eddie first.
‘Come on, say goodbye, Mitchell. Visiting time’s over,’ he yelled.
‘Why don’t you fuck off? I ain’t going nowhere until everyone else has gone,’ Auntie Joan shouted back.
Furious, Carter tried to grab her arm and march her out. Auntie Joan was having none of it. ‘Don’t you dare touch me! Get off me, you fucking nonce-case,’ she screamed, as she booted him in the shin.
‘You keep your chin up, Ed, don’t let these bastards grind you down,’ Joan yelled, as she marched out of the building with her head held high.
All the other lags had pissed themselves laughing. None of them liked Carter and they thought Eddie’s Auntie Joan was the bollocks. Joan had been the talk of the prison for the next few days. Ed was only a nipper when his mum died, and his aunt had all but brought him up. Joanie had always been a real card, and Eddie had great pleasure entertaining the other lags with stories of his childhood.
Putting Joan’s letter back in its envelope, Ed opened the next one. It was from his pal, Dougie.
Hi Ed,
I hope you’re doing OK, mate. Sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while, but as you can imagine, life gets pretty hectic this time of year. Anyway, I wanted to be the first to tell you that Vicki gave birth to a little girl last weekend. She was adamant we call her Jessica – I didn’t get a say in the matter.
As Ed’s eyes welled up, he screwed up the letter. He couldn’t read the rest; it was far too upsetting for him. Jessica would have been blooming herself by now and they would have had a wonderful Christmas this year. Jess was so full of plans for the new baby, God rest her soul. Overcome by emotion, Ed turned over, lay flat on his mattress and sobbed his heart out.
Over in icy Rainham, Joyce was all of a fluster as she prepared for the arrival of Polly’s parents.
Raymond and Polly had arranged their wedding for June next year and, with the parents not having yet met, Raymond had reluctantly agreed to Joyce inviting her soon-to-be in-laws over on Christmas Eve.
As soon as her husband walked into the room, Joyce put her hands on her hips. ‘What have you got on? You’re not wearing that, Stanley. I thought I told you to put your nice grey suit on. Polly’s parents are upper class, for goodness’ sake!’
Stanley for once argued his point. ‘This is my best shirt and trousers, Joycie. I feel ridiculous wearing a suit indoors. Can’t I just wear this?’
Joyce shook her head vehemently. ‘I won’t have you embarrassing me in front of Polly’s parents. Now go and put that suit on. I’ve bought you a new red tie, so make sure you wear that as well.’
Annoyed, Stanley punched the wall as he trudged upstairs. ‘I preferred you when you were ill, you fucking old bat,’ he mumbled.
A few hundred yards down the road, Frankie’s day was going from bad to worse. Jed’s father always threw a big party on Christmas Eve and Frankie was absolutely dreading it.
‘Frankie, take these sandwiches into the other room and then you can help me prepare the meat platters,’ Alice ordered.
Aware that his girlfriend had barely said a word all day, Jed followed her into the lounge. ‘What’s up? You’ve had a face like a smacked arse since you woke up this morning.’
‘I don’t feel up to this party, Jed. Do you mind if I go back to the trailer and have an early night?’
Jed grabbed her arm roughly. He was getting sick of Frankie’s black moods. ‘You’re my girlfriend and you’ll stay ’ere and make an effort with my family and friends. My mum and dad have fallen over backwards