supposed that was true. People could do only what they knew how to do. But it seemed love should be easier to give than to withhold, and she’d always felt their grandparents had withheld their affection. She always surmised that they’d taken in her and Jamie out of guilt. Years before, they’d disowned their only daughter, Bella’s mother Lauren, when she’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock, and Bella suspected they regretted that decision. When Bella had gotten pregnant, it had brought back for her grandparents all those unwanted memories and stress—stress that no doubt contributed to her grandma’s death. At the end of the day, she had blamed herself for all of it. She’d ended up believing that she was a burden who should have never landed on her grandparents’ doorstep.
Jamie’s thoughts must have been following the same course because he said with regret, “I wish things were different with Gramps, but that’s too much water under the bridge, isn’t it?”
“I wish things were different around the holidays especially,” Bella agreed.
Gramps still lived in the same house in town, and they never heard from him or saw him. She wished he could be part of their lives, but he’d disowned her after she’d gotten pregnant, even though she’d had a miscarriage. That hadn’t made any difference to him. He’d been cold and mostly unspeaking until she moved out when she was eighteen. There was so much resentment there—resentment for his wife dying, resentment for the financial burden they’d caused, resentment that Bella had acted out when she was looking for love. No, there was no going back there. She just had to look forward.
“Family is complicated,” Fallon agreed.
“Yours doesn’t seem to be,” Bella offered. “You’re close to your brothers and sisters, and your parents would do anything for all of you.”
“That’s true, and my parents are great role models for the marriage I’d like to have someday.” Again her gaze fell on Jamie, but he was oblivious.
Bella knew her brother had always thought of Fallon as a kid sister. Would that change now that she was helping him with the triplets? Could that change when he was still grieving over Paula? Thank goodness for the babies and the others who were helping. Although Jamie didn’t want to be beholden to anyone, the baby chain’s presence in his life kept him from brooding, from being too solitary.
And then there were the babies. As she watched her brother wipe applesauce from Henry’s little mouth, she knew the triplets had saved Jamie from grief that could have swallowed him up.
“As soon as we’re done feeding them, we’ll start supper,” she said to Fallon. “Would you like to stay? I just plan to make tacos.”
“I can chop tomatoes, lettuce and whatever else you want to put on them,” she offered after she accepted the invitation. “That is if we get these rapscallions settled so we can have supper.”
“We can take turns watching them and cooking, even if we have to eat in shifts. We’ll manage it,” Jamie insisted.
Her brother’s gaze met hers. Yes, they were managing. But life was about more than managing, wasn’t it?
She thought again about Hudson. All too easily she could picture his face and his mesmerizing blue eyes.
* * *
Bella stopped in the break room the following morning for a bottle of water to take to her desk. She was surprised to see Hudson there, opening a carton he’d set on a side table. Every time she looked at him, a little tremor started inside her and she wished she could will it away. It wasn’t like she ogled calendars with pictures of buff firemen or handsomely suited GQ models for a little female thrill. But whenever she looked at Hudson, she felt a quiver of excitement.
She wasn’t sure if it was caused by his long, jeans-clad legs—those jeans fit him oh so well—or the Western-cut shirt with its open collar where a few chest hairs peeked out. He was long-waisted and lean, and she could imagine exactly how he’d look seated on a horse. His brown leather boots made him seem even taller. Even without his tan Stetson, there was a rugged-Montana-guy feel to him that had to do with the lines of his face, the jut of his jaw, his dark brows. His thick hair waved a bit as it crossed his brow, and she found her fingers itched to ruffle it.
Crazy.
He smiled at her now as he flipped open the carton and took out...a blue teddy bear. Then he dipped his hand inside again and produced a green one and then a brown one.
She couldn’t help but smile, too. “What are those?”
“Christmas presents for the young’uns. The day before Christmas they can each take one home.”
“Did you do this?”
“Do you mean did I pick them out and order them? Yes, I did. It seemed like a great idea. There are three more boxes of them out in my truck. I’ll stow them in the storeroom until Christmas Eve.”
She approached him, telling herself she just had to pass by him to get to the refrigerator. When she did walk past him, she caught scent of his aftershave, something woodsy that made her think of pine forests.
She took a closer look at the bears. “They look child safe with their embroidered eyes and noses.”
“That’s what the online description said,” he assured her. “I know how careful the teachers and parents are about those things. I learned that the first week I was here.”
“You had a crash course in child rearing from the teachers.”
“I did, along with the most tactful way to speak with parents. But it’s darn tiring being politically correct all the time. It’s much easier just to say what you think.”
“You usually say what you think?”
“I try to. Less misunderstanding that way. I’ve had a few sharp lessons in life, teaching me to get to the bottom of people’s motives really quick. Straight speaking does that.”
She nodded, opened the small refrigerator and pulled a bottle of water from the shelf.
Now he moved a few steps closer to her. She wrapped her hand around the cold bottle of water, suddenly feeling hot. He unsettled her so, and she didn’t know what to do about it.
“You were busy all morning, and I didn’t want to interrupt you. I spoke with Jazzy Smith, and she’d like to see your photos.”
Bella had considered the project but had doubts about becoming involved in it. “I don’t know, Hudson. I don’t even have a professional camera, and I don’t know when I’d have the time.”
Hudson gave her a long studying look. She had a feeling he was debating whether to say something. But then he said it. “You’re around babies and kids all day at the center, and you’re around your brother and the triplets the rest of the time. Don’t you think you deserve something of your own?”
She didn’t know why his comments felt like criticism of her life. She’d had a whole ton of criticism from her grandmother and her grandfather. She didn’t need any more from outside sources, making her second-guess what she was doing. Even her friends had been judgmental when she’d quit college to help Jamie. So before she thought better of it, she decided to say what she thought.
“You’ve no right to tell me how to live my life.”
He didn’t look shocked or even surprised, but rather he just gave her that same steady stare. “No, I don’t have any right to tell you how to live your life. But maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t hurt for you to talk about it with someone.” After closing the flap, he hefted the box of teddy bears into his arms and left the break room, heading for the storage closet.
See? she thought, mentally chastising herself. Say what you think and it causes tension. Yet on the other hand, her retort wasn’t quite fair, not when he’d just seemed to be looking out for her. She sighed and went after him.
He was shuffling things around in the closet, apparently making room for the teddy bears.