he would be doing right now.” She easily slipped into one of her mother’s favorite conversations—imagining a life for Josiah had he not died.
“Probably working for your father. Maybe taking over the gas station.”
Shauntelle doubted that. One of the reasons Josiah had originally talked about working with her on a restaurant was to avoid exactly that scenario.
“He’d probably be traveling,” she said. “Where do you think he would go?”
Her mother said nothing for a moment, then looked back at her, her eyes dull. “Doesn’t matter, does it? He’s gone. And Noah is here. I don’t know how I’m going to handle that.”
The sorrow in her voice was Shauntelle’s undoing, and she hurried over to her mother’s side and pulled her into her arms. “You can pray about it, Mother. You’ve always said you receive your strength from the Lord.”
Her mother sniffed, nodded, and then pulled back. “Yes. If it wasn’t for my faith, I don’t know how I would have gotten through this dark time.” She tugged a tissue out of the box close at hand and dabbed at her eyes. “But I just hope Noah is only here for a short while. I’m not ready to face him for too long.”
Shauntelle knew she wasn’t either. Seeing Noah had been a shock on so many levels. He’d always been the boogey man. The “evil” man. The man who could create a twist in her stomach at the sheer mention of his name.
But even before that, he’d been someone who intrigued her. Someone she, at one time, had spun futile dreams around.
She shook the emotions off. He wasn’t for her, and she didn’t have room for him. She was being utterly foolish giving him even one second of her thoughts.
“Think you’ll sleep okay tonight?” Noah bent over his mother and brushed a kiss across her forehead.
She sat up in her bed, propped against a ridiculous number of pillows with an equally ridiculous number of books stacked on her bedside table and the floor beside it. A small diffuser steamed beside her bed, filling the room with the rich aroma of one of the many oils she had lined up in front of it.
“Of course I will,” she said with a smile, setting aside her book. “Thanks again for dinner. It was very good.”
“Takeout from the Brand and Grill,” he said with a grin as he perched on the edge of her bed. “Dining at its finest.”
“I enjoyed it. I enjoy anything I don’t have to make myself.”
Noah glanced around the room, unable to quash the feeling that he was invading his mother’s privacy. His parents’ bedroom was the one room in the house that was off-limits to him, and he was only allowed in by invitation.
“Too bad I came back so late. We could have gone out for a walk after supper,” he said.
“That’s okay. I’m looking forward to our trip to the Farmer’s Market.” She gave him a sly smile. “Maybe Shauntelle made some chocolate cake after you said it was your favorite.”
“I highly doubt Shauntelle cares one way or the other that I like chocolate cake.”
His mother’s expression grew serious. “I know that family doesn’t think highly of you, but I’m sure Shauntelle knows better.”
Noah thought of the “evil man” comment Millie had made, and the anger simmering in Shauntelle’s eyes. “I’m not so sure. Besides, it doesn’t matter what she thinks.”
“I’m glad you could help her get all her deliveries done though.”
He should have known that his mother wasn’t going to leave the subject of Shauntelle alone. To his surprise, they hadn’t talked about her at suppertime. Instead, his mother had brought him up-to-date on all the comings and goings of the Walsh clan. Cord’s wedding and Morgan’s future one, and now his other cousin, Nathan, was engaged as well. All this was delivered with a careful sigh directed to Noah.
He easily read the subtext. When would he get married?
“I’m glad I could too,” he said, keeping his tone casual. “And the entire time I got a running commentary from Millie about all the people we brought the baking to.”
His mother chuckled. “Those girls are quite the pair. For twins, they sure are different though. Millie is such a pistol, and Margaret is so quiet.” Then she grew serious, her dark eyes suddenly intent. “And how was Shauntelle with you?”
Noah held her gaze for a few beats, then sighed and looked away, knowing what she was referring to. “Uptight. Tense. Angry. I think she would have preferred not to accept my help, but she was stuck.”
His mother covered his hand with hers, squeezing lightly. “Don’t take it personal, son. She’s had a lot to deal with recently. It has to be hard being a widow and taking care of her children. Roger Dexter was a good man, and I’m sure she misses him.”
He noticed that she deliberately left Josiah out of the conversation. As if she wasn’t sure where to put the death of Shauntelle’s brother either.
“Roger died in Afghanistan, didn’t he?” Noah continued, sticking with an easier topic.
His mother nodded. “He often worked overseas. In fact, he was working with Doctors Without Borders when he was killed. He wasn’t military, but in my mind he was a real hero.”
“Sounds like it,” Noah said, though even as he spoke the words a small part of him wondered why anyone would want to leave a wife and twin girls behind. If he had a family, he would never stay far away from them. He’d keep them close.
If.
The closest he had come to settling down was with Holly, his former fiancée. But somehow, after he proposed, things changed. She became more demanding of him and his time. Which made him wonder what would have happened on the job site that day if he hadn’t given in to her constant pleas to be doing something, going somewhere. Would that have stopped Josiah from going up on that man lift? Would he have maybe given him yet another safety lesson just to make sure?
“You look pensive,” his mother said, poking him gently.
“I do that to put people off,” he said, once again pushing his memories down. “My dark hair and glowering eyes keep people away.”
“You shouldn’t do that, you know.” She spoke quietly, smiling, but Noah heard the faint warning in her voice. “Keep people away. I know that Josiah’s death has affected you more than you admit, but you weren’t found to be at fault.”
Maybe not, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty that he hadn’t been there. He caught her concerned look again and forced a smile. “I know. But that doesn’t change what happened to him. Or how his family feels.”
Shauntelle’s strong reaction to him earlier still stung.
“They just need time.” She patted his arm. “So how long are you sticking around?”
He held her yearning gaze, feeling the weight of all the years he had stayed away dropping on his shoulders. “I had figured on staying until Cord’s wedding. Then I’m off to Vancouver to see about a new business.” He hadn’t made a final commitment yet, but his mother didn’t need to know that.
She gave him another one of her pensive looks. “I wish I could think of something that could make you consider staying. Permanently.”
Another picture of Shauntelle flashed into his thoughts. She had always been attractive, but she was older now, and even though life had dealt her some harsh blows she was, if possible, even more beautiful than she had been when he left Cedar Ridge.
As quickly as the memory came, he dismissed it. Shauntelle,