The Orphans of Halfpenny Street. Cathy Sharp

I need to complete my training. The exams I took are only the first hurdle; there will be so much to learn that I couldn’t possibly look after a child. If I don’t do this, we’ll be stuck in this rotten slum for the rest of our lives. It’s living here that has made you ill. Do you want her to die young too?’

      Mary Ellen ran at her mother, clinging to her legs and hiding her face in her skirt. She felt gentle hands on her head but knew Ma wouldn’t kiss her: she didn’t kiss either of them these days and tried not to breathe on them in case she infected them with her illness. She was always holding a handkerchief to her mouth and that was usually speckled with bloodstains.

      ‘Please, love,’ her mother begged, a break in her voice. ‘You’re tearing me apart. I can’t bear it …’

      Mary Ellen heard the pain in Ma’s voice and was immediately contrite. She buried herself in the skirts of Ma’s dress and mumbled that she was sorry.

      ‘I’ll go,’ she said, voice thick with misery. ‘I’ll go – but Rose had better come and get me sometimes or I shall run away.’

      ‘Of course I’ll visit when I can and bring you sweets or something,’ Rose told her, relieved and trying to be kind now that she’d won. ‘The time will pass quickly. You’ll see, Mary Ellen, before you know it I’ll be visiting and then I’ll be a nurse and we’ll have a much better house to live in than this old thing …’

      ‘You promise you won’t leave me there and forget me?’

      ‘Cross my heart and hope to die,’ Rose said and smiled. ‘You’re my sister and I care about you. Please try to understand. I’ve got a lovely fresh loaf, some real butter, ham and tomatoes for tea. Come on and help me set the table like a good girl. We don’t want to upset Ma, do we, love?’

      Mary Ellen stared at her with reproachful eyes. It was all right for Rose, she was going to do something she’d always wanted to do, but Mary Ellen would be stuck in that home – and she knew how forbidding it looked from the outside. She felt abandoned, unwanted, and it was breaking her heart. Mary Ellen just knew it would be horrible there. It would be like being locked away in prison, except that she hadn’t done anything wrong and it wasn’t fair. Ma was going to a hospital where she would have people to look after her, and Rose was going to be a nurse but she would be sent away, because no one loved or wanted her …

       EIGHT

      Michelle luxuriated in the warm scented bath water, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of being pampered and lazy. She’d bagged the bathroom at the Nurses’ Home first that evening, and the water was still hot, which it wouldn’t be by the time three or four of the inmates had run a bath, because Michelle had used more than she was supposed to and the old geyser that heated it wasn’t really up to all the demands made on it. She was using the remainder of the lilac-scented bath salts she’d had for her last birthday, because it was a special occasion that evening. She had the next two whole days off and tonight she was going dancing at the Co-op hall in Bethnal Green with a group of her friends.

      Sally’s friend Keith, an apprentice plumber who often did small jobs for people in the Halfpenny Street area, had asked her if she had some friends who would like to support the dance, which was in aid of the local darts team of which he was a member. So Sally had roped in Alice, her cousin and a friend of his from the Army.

      Michelle had hesitated when she was asked along too but something in the way Sally had looked at her had made her give in, because they both needed cheering up after what had happened to Jake. A night out in the company of friends would stop them both brooding over his death. Besides, if Michelle had guessed right, Sally didn’t want to spend all night with just Keith for company. She too had the luxury of a weekend off, because Sister Beatrice said they both deserved it. The Warden hadn’t blamed either of them for what had happened to their patient, though they bitterly blamed themselves. Losing such a lovely little boy had been unbearable and felt so wrong. Surely, if they’d tried harder, they could have done something – though they both knew they had neglected nothing in their care of the boy. He’d just been too weak to fight the pneumonia.

      Nurses were not supposed to get involved with the children in their care: it was one of the first things they learned, to toughen up, because otherwise they were going to break their hearts over every child that was lost. Michelle had believed that she’d managed to grow a thick skin; she could mostly cope with whatever the wards threw at her, but somehow Jake had got beneath her shield. Perhaps it was because he was so bright and intelligent, so interested in everything going on around him. He’d watched her nursing the others and one night he’d confided that he was going to be a nurse when he grew up so that he could look after sick people. And then, suddenly, he’d become silent, a pathetic, tortured child, as the fever gripped him and turned into an illness that was so often a killer. A doctor had been summoned, but he’d endorsed all they were doing, praised them for their devotion, yet it still hadn’t been enough. Jake had slipped away from them just before the dawn, his last gasping breath taken. The sight of him lying pale and silent had torn her heart in two.

      Michelle felt the sting of tears. Her throat was tight and for a moment she felt overwhelmed by a deep sadness that threatened to undo her, but she fought it back. Jake’s struggle was ended and his pathetic little life was over. The awful thing was that he’d had such a rotten one. With parents who starved and beat him, he’d never had a chance, and yet he hadn’t been bitter. Instead, he’d loved his little sister and wanted to protect her – had wanted to grow up to be a nurse so that he could help sick people.

      ‘Why?’ Michelle asked of no one in particular. There were plenty of bad people in the world; why, if a soul had been needed, couldn’t it have been one of them instead of that innocent boy?

      She shook her head and jumped out of the rapidly cooling water. It was time she got ready for the dance that evening. Sally and Alice were coming back here to start with and they would catch the bus to meet up with the men outside the dance hall. Keith had wanted to pay for all the girls to go in, but Sally said that wasn’t fair on him, because apprentices didn’t have much money to spare so they’d agreed that everyone would buy their own tickets at the door.

      Michelle looked through her wardrobe, settling on a pale blue dress with white spots that had a halter strap and a sweetheart neckline, adding a little white bolero with capped sleeves. The skirt was gored and because of the restrictions during the war it didn’t have the fashionable fullness she would have liked, but it finished below her knees and suited her well. Her white leather shoes were almost new and hadn’t yet needed to be cleaned with whitening, though after this evening they probably would. You never knew who you would end up with as a partner in the progressive barn dance; sometimes you got lucky and they danced well, but half of the young men who filled the popular dance hall seemed to have two left feet.