“Doesn’t look too appealing at the moment,” he commented and she handed him a beer. He settled back in the seat, opened the can and took a drink. It almost felt like old times.
“What are you doing here?” Nici asked, sounding worried about him.
He turned to look at her and smiled. “I’ve come home to face the music.”
“You didn’t kill Drew.”
Justin said nothing as he took another drink and turned his attention again to a more pleasant memory from the past. “Remember that one night we got caught out here by that camper?”
Nici chuckled. “Apparently the man had never been young. Either that or he didn’t like his teenage sons ogling me as I came out of the water bare-assed naked.”
He laughed. “You always liked shocking people.”
“Still do.” She glanced over at him. “Did you think I might have changed?”
Justin turned a little in his seat. His gaze softened as he looked at her. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
Nici huffed. “You join AA or something? If this is about making amends—”
“I’m serious. I know you hoped that things were more serious between us...”
She took a long drink of her beer without looking at him.
“You were my best friend. Hell, my only female friend.”
“But not good enough to marry.” When she turned to look at him there were tears in her dark eyes. She made an angry swipe at them, finished her beer and pulled another can free of the plastic holder.
“I loved you. I still do.”
Nici stopped and looked over at him.
“I still think of you as my best girl friend.” He smiled. “I’ve often wondered what kind of trouble you’ve been into back here in Montana. I’ve missed you.”
She stared at him. “You make it hard to hate you.”
“Good.” He touched her shoulder. “I feel like I left you high and dry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“You married Margie.” She made it sound like an accusation.
“I know. A mistake. I ended up hurting her too.” He shook his head. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. That’s why I’m back.”
“To make amends.”
“To straighten out a few things,” he said. “I can’t undo anything I’ve done. All I can do is say I’m sorry. So how have you been?”
She laughed. “Not great. I spent the morning doing community service. Don’t ask.” He saw that it was hard for her to admit it. “I should have gone to college or gotten a job. I should have left Whitehorse.”
“It’s not too late.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. So what’s keeping you here?” he asked. “A man?”
Nici shook her head. “Inertia. I guess I just needed someone to give me a swift kick to get me moving.”
“Consider this your kick.” They drank their beer for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts. “There’s something I need to ask you,” he finally said.
“About me and Drew.” She shook her head and looked way. “I knew that was coming.” Her dark eyes filled with hurt and anger. “I didn’t shoot him.”
“But you were at the ranch that night.”
She didn’t deny it. “Drew was a bastard, but I suspect you already know that.”
“What happened that night?”
Nici sighed and looked away. “Why are you just now asking me this?”
“Because I have to know. I should have asked five years ago.”
“What do you think happened?” she snapped. “I knew why Drew called me. It was nothing more than a booty call.” She turned to stare him down. “I knew he was just doing it to hurt you, but I didn’t care. You were breaking my heart. You think I didn’t know that you were never going to marry me?”
Justin felt as if she’d thrust a knife into his chest. “I’m sorry. You meant so much to me—”
“Just not enough.” She licked her lips, her throat working for a moment. “That’s the story of my life. I’ve never felt like enough.”
“I know that feeling.”
She continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “I’ve let men use me...” Her voice broke.
The pickup cab filled with a heavy silence. Outside the wind picked up and began to lift the new snow into the air.
“I hate that you feel I was one of those men.”
She looked over at him, her gaze softening. “I wanted more so I was angry, but I never felt that way about...us.”
He finally asked, “So you met him that night out at the ranch.”
She nodded solemnly. “It was just as I thought. He got what he wanted and told me to leave.”
Justin had been in the horse barn when he’d heard the shots and looked out. He’d seen her drive away. He’d run to his brother’s cabin some distance from the main house and found him. Only minutes later his father burst in to find him holding the gun. He’d always wondered if Bert Calhoun had seen Nici driving away and never said anything.
Justin had kept his mouth shut as well, covering for her. He’d never told anyone—not even the sheriff. “Did you see anyone else? Or did Drew mention anything that might have been going on with him?” For a moment, he thought she wasn’t going to answer.
“Before I left, he got a call. He stepped outside the cabin to take it. He seemed upset and even more in a hurry for me to leave.”
“You don’t know who it was from?” Justin asked.
Nici shook her head. “It was a woman—I know that. Drew didn’t say much on the phone, but the way he said it... Why did you never tell anyone about seeing me that night?”
He shrugged. “You’d already been in trouble with the law. I was afraid...” He didn’t finish the sentence.
Nici reached over and touched his arm. “I didn’t shoot him. I would have gone to the sheriff if I’d known that everyone would think you did.”
“It wouldn’t have done any good,” he said. “Even you can’t be sure I didn’t kill him.”
She studied him for a long moment. “If I’d been you, I would have killed him. Only I wouldn’t have stopped firing until the gun was empty. He deserved so much worse.”
Justin drove out to the Rogers Ranch. Dawson was a couple years younger. They’d grown up just down the road from each other. Of all the people he’d known, Justin trusted Dawson the most since they’d been friends since they were kids.
As he drove up into his old friend’s yard, Dawson came out of the barn wiping his hands on a rag. Past him, Justin could see an old tractor with some of its parts lying on a bench nearby.
“You still trying to get that thing running?” he said as he got out of his truck and approached the rancher.
Dawson wiped his right hand on his canvas pants and extended it. They shook hands both smiling at each other. “I swear that tractor is going to be the end of me,” he said, glancing toward the barn.