of your hatred. That is, if the League didn’t strip me of my position first, for making what they considered an ‘irresponsible choice,’ whether nature meant for us to be together or not!”
They were both breathing hard, their bodies tremoring with anger as emotion tore through them. “And does your job make for a lonely bed partner at night, Jillian? Does it stay faithful to you?” His voice lowered, becoming more intimate…more dangerous. “Does it keep you satisfied? Make you happy?”
His husky words cut straight to her core, as if he knew just how to wound her, the way a fighter knows instinctively where to place his next blow. “My position calls for sacrifice,” she said softly. “It’s not anything I’d expect you to understand.”
“You have no idea what sacrifices I would have been willing to make for you.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, Jeremy hardened his jaw. “You never even gave me a chance to prove myself, so forgive me if I still seem a little pissed about it.”
“You didn’t leave me any choice,” she whispered, her throat shaking.
“Like hell. I couldn’t do anything about my reputation before you came home from school, but from the day I realized what was between us, I never, never, gave you any reason to distrust me.”
Jillian stared at him, stunned. “You still deny you were with Danna that night, after our first…our only kiss? After I told you that I was ready to give a relationship between us a chance?”
His nostrils flared as he drew in a deep breath, the arc of his cheekbones flushed the dull red of anger. “If you had ever taken the time to ask me yourself, I could have told you that I didn’t lay a hand on Danna Gibson that night. I hadn’t touched anyone but you since you came home from school,” he growled, his voice like gravel. “And after you threatened to sic your mother and your precious League on me if I ever came near you again, I was too furious to even think about sex. It took me months before I cooled down enough to go around another woman, Jillian, much less take her to bed.”
“That’s—”
“Pathetic? Sad? Embarrassing?” he sneered, cutting her off. “Yeah, I know. But like I said, I was crazy about you. I’d have given you anything you wanted, but it wasn’t good enough for you. No, you were just waiting for me to screw up,” he continued, his anger mounting again like a great, swelling wave skimming the surface of the blackest ocean. “The second someone came running to you with some bullshit story about me, you jumped at the chance to believe them. And we both know why that was. You were afraid of more than just trusting me to be faithful, Jillian. You were terrified of what you knew we could have, of how powerful it could be. You ran from that like a frightened little girl, because you were scared that it’d mean you would have to make that choice between our relationship and your position. But that would have been a choice forced on you by them, not me.”
Despite his conviction, she didn’t truly believe him. It was one thing for him to make such a claim now, when a relationship between them was impossible, but back then, Jillian knew he wouldn’t have been so accepting of the path her life was meant to follow. No, he’d have never been willing to live in Shadow Peak or understand her loyalty to the League. And living in the Alley would have presented its own problems. He would have resented the time she spent in town, with people he despised, and the pack would have been furious at the idea of their Spirit Walker living with the Runners. She had no doubt they would have demanded her resignation.
“What do you want from me, Jeremy?” she asked in confusion, fighting not to fall apart as all the pain from the past decade crashed down on her, smothering and dark. “I know you no longer want to bond with me, so then what are you after?”
He made a rough, sarcastic sound in the back of his throat. “You’re right. No one said a damn thing about bonding, and I’m no longer a starry-eyed kid who hopes for things he’s never going to have.”
“You were never starry-eyed.”
His voice went lower, barely human beneath the seething emotion in his words. “Where you were concerned, I always had my head in the clouds. You let me down, Jillian. Changed me.”
“Don’t you dare turn this back on me!”
“I’ll do whatever I want to you, because this—” his feral gaze moved slowly down her body, affecting her like a physical touch “—belongs to me. It’s mine.” The husky words were rough with lust…and something deeper. Something so dark and emotional that she had no frame of reference for it. “You want to know what I want? I want you under me. Pure and simple.”
The way he looked at her made Jillian feel as if he could see right into her, all her secrets exposed before him, laid out in a shocking display of intimacy. He was waiting. Waiting for a sign, for the briefest glimpse of weakness or a crack in her armor. Slips she couldn’t afford to make, not when her very soul was on the line.
She knew she needed to keep her focus…but it was happening again. She couldn’t think when too close to this man, not when she kept getting tripped up in the details. Everything about him pulled her in, controlled her like the most hypnotic of drugs. Like smooth, thick syrup, he invaded her mind, slowing down time, until she was caught. Trapped. Held prisoner by a need to reach out and learn, firsthand, if he was as warm and hard as he looked. As silken and rugged and coarse.
“You want me, Jillian. Lie about everything else, but don’t try to lie to me about this. I can feel it,” he argued in a gritty whisper, his voice hitting her like the warm spill of fine wine into her blood, making her limbs feel heavy, her heartbeat swift and deep and pounding. “I can see it written on your face. See it in the pulse of your throat. The tight little tips of your breasts. I can tell by the warm, sweet scent of need pouring off you.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?” She hated that her voice sounded desperate even to her own ears. “You don’t really want me. You despise me, Jeremy.”
“Sure I do.” He laughed, the warm sound dark and wicked and rich, and he smiled just a little at her. “I’ve been angry at you for years, Jillian, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I still want to rip your clothes off and go at you right here.” He slammed one wide palm against the thick trunk behind her. “Just press your back against this pine, hold your sweet little ass in my hands and get a taste of what you were always too afraid to let me near before.”
Her chin trembled as she said, “I was never afraid of you,” even while her conscience screamed, Liar! She’d been afraid of making herself vulnerable to him—of discovering that he didn’t love her the way she’d loved him. Afraid of him breaking her heart. Afraid of choosing him over what was expected of her. Afraid of standing up to her parents and the League and making her own decisions, controlling her own destiny.
“Do us both a favor and stop wasting our time with lies,” he said sharply, “because you never were any good at it. You’re even worse now.”
She opened her mouth, but didn’t know what to say, the words lodging in her throat until it felt as if she’d choke on them.
Jeremy pressed closer, a dark, dangerous force that made something hot and tight and achy unfurl in her belly, a warm glow of sensation slowly spreading like liquid heat through her veins. “Just out of curiosity, who was it that came to you with that story about me and Danna? One of your so-called friends? The same ones who used to hit on me every time you weren’t looking? I never touched them, but that didn’t stop them from offering what I didn’t want.”
“No. It wasn’t—”
“Forget it,” he muttered, moving away from her. “What the hell does it matter now? What’s done is done. I don’t need your trust anymore. Don’t need it, and don’t want it. But I’ll take what I didn’t get before.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around her body, struggling to hold herself together. “You’re out of your mind, Jeremy.”
He laughed, just staring at her, the look in his