Suckers
Chapter 54. I Met This Girl Once …
Chapter 55. Don’t Know Yourself, Can’t Be Yourself
Chapter 56. Oh Man, How Scary It Is to Ask for Help
Chapter 57. Are You Happy?
Chapter 58. Regrets Are Stupid
Chapter 59. Nobody Fits In
Chapter 60. All My Mothers
Chapter 61. Only Boring People Get Bored
Chapter 62. One Promise of Life Is that It’s Going to End
Chapter 63. Love Is a Gift Not a Loan
Chapter 64. Self-Pity Is Self-Sabotage
Chapter 65. Worms of Validation
Chapter 66. Which Way Is Your Spiral Headed?
Chapter 67. How Do Others See You?
Chapter 68. You Decide Your Worth
Chapter 69. The Storm Is in Your Mind, Not in Your Life
Chapter 70. Put That Heart on a Leash
Chapter 71. Are You in It to Give or Receive?
Chapter 72. Fight!
Chapter 73. You Need to Forgive
Chapter 74. Labels Are Dehumanizing
Chapter 75. Celebrate Your Scars
Chapter 76. Validation Is a Helluva Drug
Chapter 77. Fake It ’til You Make It
Chapter 78. Baby Steps Add Up
Chapter 79. You Only Have So Much Time
Chapter 80. Don’t Infect Yourself with Negativity
Chapter 81. Words Are Weapons, If You Allow Them to Be
Chapter 82. You Are a Work of Art in Progress
Chapter 83. Losing a Piece of Ourselves
Chapter 84. Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself
Chapter 85. What’s Right and Wrong?
Chapter 86. Embrace Your Challenges
Chapter 87. How Rarely They Think of Us
Chapter 88. Love and Logic Won’t Hold Hands
Chapter 89. Smile to Feel It or Conceal It?
Chapter 90. Killing Expectations Births Happiness
Chapter 91. What’s Taking Up Space in Your Life?
Chapter 92. Living the Width of Your Life
Chapter 93. The More Love You Give, the More You Get?
Chapter 94. The Only Constant
Chapter 95. No Minimums on Appreciation
Chapter 96. Who Holds the Key to Your Happiness?
Chapter 97. Starting Is the Hardest Part
Chapter 98. Don’t Hold Yourself Back
Chapter 99. Happiness Is Not a Place
Chapter 100. Some Folks Are Addicted to Misery
Chapter 101. The Most Important Chapter in This Book
Acknowledgments
About the Author
About the Publisher
Have you ever told a six-year-old to put on their boots and snowsuit? Well, they put on the boots first and then struggle to get the snowsuit over them. When I was an elementary school teacher, I quickly realized it wasn’t always what I said to them, it was how I said it. Kids are empty vessels and sponges, and they soak in so much consciously and unconsciously, until it’s absorbed as “how things should be.” As we get older, this doesn’t change much: we continue to soak in messages, often without realizing it.
We stick to a script that hasn’t been edited in decades, and we serve as both prisoner and guard to the status quo. The thing with the script is that it comes with some big promises, both spoken and unspoken. Be a good person and good things will happen to you; show people love and they will show love to you; play by the rules and good guys will always win. Most of these ideas got reinforced by our parents, teachers, Full House, and our understandable urge to fit in.
Part of that script includes the idea that we need to be more, we need to get more attention, love, significance, Pokémon, and validation. We climb endless mountains daydreaming of how wonderful it’s going to feel once we reach the top. That feeling will be so wonderful that we won’t stop and take a minute to enjoy the view. If we play this game long enough it stops being fun.
And that’s probably why you’re here.
I didn’t write this book to write a book. I, like you, found myself lying on the floor feeling sorry for myself, betrayed, frustrated, and most importantly, powerless. My best friends were NyQuil and this muscle relaxer I still can’t pronounce. My strategy during the lowest points in my life was simple: sleep, and wait for someone else to clean this all up for me.
But the teachers were long gone, Uncle Jesse was nowhere to be found, and all I had was a broken heart, a cloudy mind, and a very comfortable bed.
Just like you, I have conversations in my head all day, and not many of those conversations during this time were pleasant. I made a lot of mistakes, and just like you, I beat myself up over and over, reliving each and every mistake, imagining a life where I could do it over, and feeling everything would have been better then. Looking back, I realized one of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking I was the only one going through this shit.
We can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. When we tell ourselves that no one understands us, it’s an easy trick for feeling connected to something; but it usually just means feeling sorry for ourselves. I was feeling sorry for myself for a long time, until I realized we’re all in the exact same boat. If we’re all in the same boat, why not connect with each other?
The moment I realized I wasn’t alone I began to share the conversations I was having with myself publicly. These conversations came from a version of myself that was trying to make sense of shattered pictures in front of him. As time went by, those conversations became a journey that allowed me to understand and gain clarity about the world inside me. That understanding also brought clarity and helped embolden my message to the world around me.
I’m not here to solve your problems. I’m here to remind you that all you’ve been doing, since the doctor